Not sure I should invite my dad to my wedding… advice?

posted 5 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Based on this post, I don’t see why you would. You haven’t even told him you are engaged, he’s clearly not involved in your life, and having him there would possibly give your anxiety. There doesn’t seem to be one reaon for inviting him.

Post # 3
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If his presence makes you anxious, then no. He ruined the relationship when he “borderline physically and emotionally” abused you — it’s not your fault.

Post # 5
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I have a very similar situation with my mother, so I understand this more than most people will. My advice is to think about how you feel about not having him there. The reason I knew I was done with my mother was because I didn’t have any doubt about having her there at my important moments. If there’s a part of you that isn’t sure, take some more time to think on it. 

Post # 6
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You answered your own question when you stated how you would feel if he was there….stop making yourself feel guilty.  

Post # 9
Member
2761 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

futuremrssousa :  You’re a far better person than me, because I would freaking relish making him feel bad 🙂  You’re obviously a sweetheart, please don’t feel guilty.

Post # 10
Member
3784 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m not inviting mine, and I don’t feel bad lol. 

Post # 11
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

futuremrssousa :  Don’t invite him for HIS sake. Screw him. You should only invite him if it improves your life. And it doesn’t sound like it would.

Post # 12
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Bee, I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. I understand how hard it is to make that decision, I am trying to make a similar decision myself. 

I think it is hard for others to truly understand what it is like to be emotionally and/or physically abused by a parent and the long term effects this has on you. It is not an easy decision to make, when you are carrying around years of guilt and pain from how you were treated.

I have been seeing a psychologist to try to come to terms with a lot of stuff from my childhood and some recent events with my family. It really helps to have an impartial stranger tell you that what they did was unacceptable and not your fault (even though logically I already knew this, I don’t think i truly believed it in my heart). It has helped me to deal with the feelings of guilt as well. 

If you have some time to decide, I’d really recommend talking to a counsellor or psychologist to help you work through this. I was totally sceptical going in, but it really does help, I wish I had gone years ago.

Finally, whatever you decide, just remember that it was the right decision for you at the time.

Good luck and try to remember that this day is about you and your FI and celebrating with the people who care for you.

Post # 13
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

No no no. Just enjoy your day stress free!!

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