Post # 1
Maybe I need to vent. Maybe writing here will help me clear head. I’m at work on my lunch break and I’m dreading going home. Ugh. My fiancé is absolutely no help lately and has been nothing but selfish. Our wedding is a little over 4 months away and we have a reception hall and a photographer. That’s it. I asked him today to call the church and he did but complained about EVERYTHING. He doesn’t want a professional DJ he wants a friend to do it with his equipment that is NOT reliable. He thinks avideographer is stupid and claims we don’t need a candy buffet. 🙁 I’m so sick of fighting for everything. He is spending a crazy ammount of money on his mudding truck and that’s all he cares about! I won’t even say how much he’s spent it makes me sick. My family seems to think were loaded and can handle this all but we’re not and they said they would help but seems like they are only going to pay for the reception which is fine but they could have said that up front.
Dont even get me started on his family they are helping with NOTHING. His Mom acted like she didn’t even know it was in June! We’ve been planing for a year and a half now. At this point I’m ready to wash my hands and move back to Chicago and say EFF IT ALL!
Post # 3
Wedding aside (all this current drama), tell me why you wat to marry your Fiance ?
Post # 4
He used to be a caring sweet guy who I had a lot of fun with but I don’t know what happened to that guy. I even wrote him a long letter telling him all the things I loved about him and asked him to do the same and that was a month ago. I rarely see him if he’s not working he’s working on his truck.
Post # 5
@Kristyn02: Hey, My wedding is about a year away and i jsut went through a similar thing with my Fiance… he is not helpfull and even when he told me to just tell him when he needs to do something and when it needs to be done by… its like pulling teeth at the last minute… I had a ton of other brides reassure me that this wasnt just my Fiance, and that it was theirs too… men dont seem to care about the wedding too much, but that they jsut want to be married to you. after all this happened, i sat down with my Fiance and told him (on neutral grounds – when we both werent upset with eachother enymore) how i felt, that i realize that weddings arent his thing and that even though i realize this stuff now, that if he continues to seem unattached to the planning process… that it was still going to upset me.
We both seemed to find common ground… i talk about it a little less with him (i did kind of go over board on it with him) and he would try to have more imput… and the reason we decided he was going to try to have more imput and not just “be more involved” was that HE had something to look forward too… and those were his words.
Wedding are stressfull as is… trying to plan a huge event while taking all your guest, cost and desires into consideration, you guys gotta lighted the load by being on the same page.
I hope this helps. Good luck
Post # 6
@Kristyn02: I’m sorry things are tough right now . . . . have you thought about the fact that perhaps the difficulties are a result of not spending much quality alone time together just to connect? Why is it that you barely see him? Maybe the two of you can prioritize a few date nights and one-on-one time to talk some of this out. Is his family demanding things of him right now? Is he getting pressure from work or some other source other than the wedding? I honestly think that tensions and distance build in a relationship when there is not enough couple one-on-one time.
Post # 7
Hmm its either wedding stress- like this is entirely wedding created and you’ll need to pick your battles or there is something more serious going on!
I’m glad you are thinking about this and getting your feelings out. I like how you wrote a letter but you really want to talk with him, tell him how your feeling and ask whats up. If necessary it may be worth postponing the wedding until you get down to the bottom.
Post # 8
I think you two need a break from wedding planning, and a chance to reconnect like the PPs mentioned. Wedding planning is really stressful, and generally, guys just honestly don’t care about the finer points like we do. And that’s totally okay, you guys just need to be okay with that. Maybe you all should have a wedding free weekend, try to get away somewhere, just the two of you, and remember why you’re getting married. The wedding is about two people coming together and celebrating their relationship, not the event itself.
Maybe next week, sit down and have a heart to heart about what he feels comfortable doing for the wedding. If he wants nothing to do with it except show up in a tux, fine, because if you assign him a ton of tasks and he has zero interest in it, that’s a recipe for a fight right there.
So for the next few days, refocus on your relationship. It sounds like you both need the break.
Post # 9
In addition to what the other ladies wrote, of primary concern to ME would be the money he is spending on the truck that he does not want to seem to disclose to you. That would be a huge red flag for me and is worth having a discussion about. We tell our kids “If you hide it from us it is because you KNOW it is wrong!”