Post # 1
First, a little background:
We’re having a small wedding party: two BMs, two GM. Most of the wedding party lives out of town. One GM lives about 1.5 hours away, and one of the BM and the other GM both live at least 8 hours away. My other BM lives here in town.
A couple weekends ago, my BM from NY came down for the week and my girls got some friends together and threw me a really great bachelorette party. We drove to a big city, had a great dinner, saw a musical, and went to a couple of bars for drinks after. Apparently my BMs consulted my FI in the planning process, so he knew all about what we were going to do beforehand. I had a wonderful time and really appreciate all the planning and traveling that went into giving me a great night out.
It’s now less than six weeks to our wedding, and I haven’t heard a thing about a bachelor party for FI. I have asked him a couple of times if either of the GM have talked to him about it, and he said they haven’t. I’m sure the bachelor party will have to be just a couple of days before the wedding, since that’s the only time they’ll all be together, but I’m not sure if anything is being planned.
Would it be inappropriate for me to contact the GMs and see if they’re planning anything? I know FI was involved somewhat in planning my party, but should I be involved in planning his? Maybe they’ve already got something up their sleeves and want it to be a surprise. We have great guy friends here in town that I’m sure would love to help plan his party. Should I ask one of our guy friends to ask the GMs instead of me?
What would you do, Bees? I want to make sure my honey has as wonderful a time as I did!
Post # 3
almost all the parties my husband has attended have been fairly last minute beer/bar/maybe strippers kind of things. I think they probably have an assumption that they’re going to do something but its less likely to be as much of a planned event as yours. I think it’s reasonable to contact the groomsmen. I’d do it under the premise that you’re assuming it will be in the days leading up to the wedding if its happening and you just need to be able to make arrangements to accommodate other demands on his time.
Post # 4
I would contact both of them and just ask for a heads up on a date, like @SapphireSun: said. Our wedding is still months away, but I’m worried that my FI isn’t going to get a bachelor party because I don’t really have that much faith in his brother/best man (and I think that’s why he’s been commenting about a joint party).
Post # 5
Yes, I thnk it would be inappropriate for you to contact the groomsmen and ask their plans. The bachelor party, if they’re having one, is for them to plan and throw for your guy. Never in all the bachelorette parties I’ve been to has the groom been involved in the planning at all.
Post # 6
Honestly, I would stay out of it.
Post # 7
I think if you have activities planned for the days leading up to the wedding, it’s not unreasonable to ask them in order to ensure there are no time conflicts. I wouldn’t ask them the specifics of what they plan to do, although you could offer to help if they need anything (which they probably won’t). My FI and I are not doing separate parties, so of course we’re planning ours together.
Post # 8
Thanks for the feedback, ladies. In all honesty, I hadn’t even thought about the time factor for the days leading up to our wedding, and now it seems even more important to me to know whether they have something planned. I think I’ll ask them about it so I can start making my schedule.
FWIW, our guy friends tend to plan pretty elaborate bachelor parties (one was included a huge game of Humans vs. Zombies with a wedding-themed plot). Never once have they done anything considered typical!
Post # 9
Just went thru the same this myself, wedding is 9 weeks away and we have a wedding party which consists of only 1 of my BM and 1 of his GM being local. I was feeling worried as my girls have booked a trip out of town for us all to meet and have a wine tasting tour/go out as a group. His, did not plan a thing. So today I just texted and asked if there was a date planned, ofcourse his BM said no so I asked what a good date was, and suggested a weekend that I knew he was free. Then I just asked his BM if he wanted me to help with planning so it would stay a suprise- worked out great! Don’t be afraid to ask, if you feel you are stepping on toes just add in a quick “I just want to make sure he gets a final night out!” in there and they will understand you’re just trying to help not ruin their fun 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Other than reminding the groomsmen that you would prefer that bachelor activities not overlap with wedding activities, I vote to stay out of it. The less you know, the better. Most of these posts are brides freaking out about their FH’s bachelor party. My FH and his groomsmen have been instructed to have the bachelor party any night they want before the wedding except the night immediately before the wedding because I don’t want drunk/hungover groomsmen embarassing me or in my pictures.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I reached out to DH’s best men (he had two) and helped them plan it because they wouldn’t have done it on their own. I knew what he wanted to do, and I really wanted him to have that night and that fun. They went to a comedy club and out to dinner, finishing the night with video games. It’s my husband’s kind of night.
Post # 12
@windcriesamy: yeah, I’d ask just for scheduling purposes. Last thing you want is to be thinkjng youre doing brunch with grandma the morning after.
Post # 13
I went back and forth on this, but at the end of the day it’s their party to throw. I chose to stay out of it. And actually, unbeknownst to me there was a bach party being planned, but at the end of the day FI said he did not want one, so it went out the wedding.
Just like you wouldn’t tell your girls to throw you a party, you shouldn’t tell them to throw one.