Post # 1
My husband’s BIL and his wife, and the BIL’s parents, were all invited to our wedding and all came. We got a card signed from JUST the parents, but a pretty big cheque for only 2 people… We tried to find out, without asking them directly (going through other family members), if that hefty cheque was actually from all 4 of them but nobody seems to know.
We are now writing our thank you cards – do we thank the BIL and the wife for coming AND for the generous gift, assuming the cheque was from their parents AND them? I must say it’s a little odd because the BIL and wife are a few years older than us, have been married several years, have kids, etc. So one would assume they would bring their own gift to the wedding. To complicate matters, although very generous, the amount of the check wouldn’t be unheard of coming from the parents alone as they are known to be very generous in general.
Anyway, I like to refer to the gift itself in all of the thank you cards (not just a general “thank you” for attending) but unsure how to approach it in this scenario! I don’t want to be offensive or out of line.
Post # 3
I would be very surprised if it was also from the children. Why would it be? Just because they are related? I’m not sure why you would make that leap, I would assume they did not give you a gift if their names were not on the card or on the check.
Post # 4
If the card was only signed by two people, the gift was only from two people.
Thank those two, and don’t send anything to the couple that didn’t gift.
It would be very awkward to open a thank you for your generous gift card if you hadn’t actually given one. It would seem like a real slap in the face.
Post # 5
why would it be from them if they didn’t sign?
Post # 6
I think the signs all point to the extra people NOT being part of the gift. But yah, awkward.
Post # 7
Card signed by only the parents, contained check from only the parents, warrants a thank you to only the parents.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your input… I guess you have to know the family to see why I would wonder — the BIL’s wife always does the “right” thing and is very opinionated about weddings, etiquette, etc (I know this from her own wedding). And the couple is super close with the BIL’s parents and they do a lot together financially… And the parents gave $1000 which is super bizarre for only 2 people!!!
That’s why the assumption. If the BIL and wife didn’t give a gift I would be VERY surprised… In fact, it would be more believable to me that their gift was lost or stolen. Is there any way that I could actually find out?
Post # 9
@krystalite: Even if they did contribute to the gift, not signing the card means that they didn’t care to be recognized. You can only guess based of the info that they gave you, after all!
Post # 10
If the card was only signed from the two of them, the gift was only from the two of them. They are your husband’s parents, so a sizeable check isn’t that surprising!
Post # 11
Oh no it’s not from my husband’s parents I made a mistake in my first post it’s my BROTHER’s BIL…. Not husband’s 🙂
Post # 12
@krystalite: ya if the card is only signed by them then its only from them. I would assume that if I were in your position. If for some reason say the wife of BIL comes back and says something about not being thanked then just make sure you keep the cards and say “oh my gosh Im so sorry for the misunderstanding. The card we received only had _____ names on it”. Its pretty clear! AND you have proof and they were ones who screwed up if they didnt sign it but were supposed to. Your not mind readers!! 🙂
They are married grownups with kids?? they shouldnt be doing joint cards anyways…..
Post # 13
Thanks all for your comments!
I will definitely still send them a thank you card, just make no mention of a gift. Isn’t sending a thank you card to all who attended — regardless of whether they brought a gift — the “right” thing to do?
P.S. I totally agree that it’s super bizarre that married people with kids in their 30s who generally have really nice manners, come from good “stock” (haha) etc., wouldn’t bring a gift… I’m actually just a little bit insulted right now! Oh well!
Post # 14
If I was in any way unsure, I’d play it safe and put that thank-you for all of them. If they queried it, then I would just say that you received a generous cash gift from the parents, and took it to be a family gift. I think that is the safer option here, particularly if they are sensitive about that kind of thing.
Post # 15
@krystalite: The general consensus on these boards is that the reception is the thank you to the guests for attending the wedding. Thank you cards aren’t sent for attendance without bringing a gift because it can come off like you’re asking where your gift is. That being said, you know your guests better than we do.
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
Because there were only 2 names on the card, just address those people. If the peole in question did contribute, they should have been included in the card. <not your fault. Don’t worrie about it. Just send out the thank yous based on who indicated they gave you the gift.