Post # 1
A couple of months ago I realized that my SO was contacting his ex-girlfriend by text and saying things like he missed her and even asked her if he could meet up with her to see her dogs. When I realized this I told him that I was hurt and that I could only go further with the relationship on the agreement that he would not contact her anymore. He said ok and that he was sorry and that he didn’t know what he was thinking. He told me that she was engaged to be married and that I had nothing to worry about.
Well his birthday is this Saturday and about three weeks ago his ex-girlfriend texted messaged him saying “happy birthday early:)”. He then called her up to ask her how she was doing. I didn’t say anything when I saw this exchange. (The reason I cheking his phone was to make sure that he still was not in contact with her- since the earlier situation made me feel insecure about what was going on between them). But this got feeling so weird that I checked his email to see if they had been sending emails. It turns out that in March while we were dating he emailed some girl from Craiglist asking her what she does for fun and that he is looking for friends and relationships.
I confronted him about the email and he said that he did not send that message but that it must have been generated on its own. But the girl he wrote tried writing him back last week apologizing for the long delay in responding to him. He says he doesn’t know how that email was sent! I don’t understand how it would have been sent on its own.
About his ex-girlfriend, he got all denfensive and told me that I am never going to trust him and that he reserves the right to speak with his ex to say hi. I told him that that makes me uncomfortable and that I wouldn’t put up with it and hung up crying. He called me back saying he was sorry and wrong for calling her and that he made a mistake and it won’t happen again .
Bees- I have no idea what to think! I love him dearly but I don’t know if I can trust him I have no clue what’s happening whatsoever.:(
Post # 3
Uhhh the craigslist thing sounds really sketchy! What is your gut telling you? I don’t know him or the whole situation but from reading this I feel really uneasy about him and he is definitely giving you reasons to distrust him.
Post # 4
@kate169: I agree!!
I mean, that ex-girlfriend situation would make me uncomfortable and suspicious enough (he misses her?!?). But no, I don’t think that craigslist email sent itself.
Keep your eyes open!
Post # 5
Personally, I am friends with an ex and so is DH. We went to his ex’s wedding in July and we’re attending my ex’s wedding later this month. Keep in mind that they broke for a reason and that he’s with you now. If he wanted to be with her, they would still be together. Clearly if she’s getting married she’s moved on and found someone she truly loves and wants to spend her life with! Underlying every romantic relationship is a friendship. I know after my ex and I broke up, after I got over the hurt, I really missed his friendship. I’m really glad we became friends again and that he and DH get along so well. Have you ever met this girl? Maybe to become more comfortable with the situation you should meet her. I was jealous (and suspicious) when I found out DH’s ex had been calling him, but I met her and her then boyfriend (now husband) and realized I had nothing to worry about. When you share a few years of your life with someone, it’s hard to totally cut them out of your life 100% and a lot of the time the friendship is worth salvaging when you’re ready.
As for this Craigslist girl, that’s bizarre. I don’t really understand his excuse because how in the world could that have generated itself?! That would upset me way more than him talking to an ex. I think he needs to answer you honestly rather than trying to avoid the situation because he’s only making it worse. I would have issues trusting him too. Did he email this girl while you were dating exclusively?
Post # 6
Hmmm, the whole situation sounds sketchy. I don’t think you should be going through his messages as that cannot end well, and it really is an invasion of privacy. On the other hand, the Craigslist thing sounds like a big fat lie IMO, and coupled together with the sneaky chatting to the ex I can see why you might have suspiscions.
Post # 7
E-mails don’t just generate and send themselves unless it’s a virus e-mail sending either links or sexual performance enchaning drug ads to everyone in the address book.
One ad to a girl on CL is not a “randomly generated e-mail.” I’d be very suspicious if I were you.
Post # 8
I think its very odd that he is at first very defensive and then all of a sudden very appologetic.
Post # 9
I agree with @plantains as well. STOP checking his e-mail/phone/etc. If you’ve gotten to the point you have to snoop in his stuff, the trust is gone and you need to re-examine the relationship.
Post # 10
@happyb:its time to rethink your plans first of all it doesnt sound like he committed to ur relationship in the same way that u are how would he feel if u were talking to your ex and he no honey emails dont type them selves up dont let any man feed u crape and im sorry to say thats what he is doing be strong and stand firm he can only do to u what u allow him to do to u
Post # 11
You definitely have a right to feel uneasy. And you should never feel uneasy like that when it comes to your SO. He sounds a little manipulative, like he’s trying to turn his bad actions around on you, making you out to be the bad guy. For checking his email and phone (which you shouldn’t do, but that’s besides the point really. I would have done the same thing).
I might forgive one small slipup, but not multiple. Especially now that he knows how uncomfortable it makes you when he communicates with his Ex. He shouldn’t tlak to her anymore, there is no reason to. And for him to try to make YOU feel like a jerk about it is beyond wrong.
I think you either need to stick up for yourself and demand he change his actions permanently or consider ending things. You just can’t keep going with someone who you can’t trust and who makes you want to constantly check up on him.
Post # 12
Wow. you really have reasons to not trust him. If he knows talking to his ex makes you uncomfortable and if he cares enough about you, then he should respect the way you feel and not do it! He was telling her he misses her and asking to meet up.. um I’d feel uncomfortable about it to Would he expect you not to!? and the craigslist thing.. hes totally lying.
EDIT: trust is everything in a relationship.. and you dont seem to have it.
Post # 13
I’ve never heard of a randomly generated email before.
Post # 14
I don’t agree about checking messages…If you have nothing to hide, there’s no reason I can’t look through your phone if I feel like it. Works both ways though.
Post # 15
I agree the craigslist thing is sketchy, but the ex thing, I guess I get that. I am friends with all but one of my exes. But along with that I have no issues with talking to them on the phone in front of the FH, I show him texts or emails (as they usually have pictures), or just in gerneral discuss contact I have had with the exes with him. I have nothing to hide so I don’t. FH says he doesn’t have to trust anyone but me so he doesn’t really worry or care.
Go with your gut, that is all you can really do. Trust is everything.
Post # 16
@KatNYC2011: amen…snooping is a huge red flag that you dont have a healthy relationship.