(Closed) Not sure if I should have kids …

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Awe, you sound similar to my FI and I.  We’re both completely on the fence about kids although we lean more strongly to not having kids than having them.  I work with children eveyday at work and I love those little guys, but the idea of having to ‘put up’ with them in my own home overwhelms me so much.  I don’t really have anything that will help you, but I just wanted to let you know I have similar feelings.

Post # 4
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No one here can answer this question. No one knows what is best for you better than you. You are your own life expert. With that being said, I don’t believe this is a decision you can make unless you are all in. Children are not like a shirt that may or may not look good on you. Until you are a 100% sure, the answer is no. Good luck, this is a difficult decision to make. 

Post # 5
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am of the opinion that it is better to not have kids and risk having regrets later than it is to have kids and wish you didn’t. It’s a lot easier to be an awesome aunt or youth mentor than it is to put a child up for adoption. 

Post # 6
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

If you are unsure about having kids then you aren’t ready.  

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

My best friend didn’t want kids, for various reasons, some including similar reasons to yours.  But, she ended up having a baby a few months ago.  I doubt there are many of us who come out of the whole thought of, “I want to be a mother,” saying, “I would be an AWESOME mom!”  I know that I didn’t.  I just have always wanted to have children.  You don’t know if you’ll be a good one, or not.  You just do your best.

In the end, it’s your choice whether you want to have one, but don’t automatically assume you’ll be a bad mother, unless your idea of discipline is, like, flushing their heads down the toilets, or there’s obviously something wrong with you, like that.

Post # 9
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You sound like my mom! She’s super cranky when sleep deprived, has a short temper, is annoyed around infants and loud noises (like crying), and is easily grossed out by sick people (and bodily fluids). 

And you know what? She’s the greatest mom in the whole wide world, and I love her to death!!!! 

It’s such a cliche, but you’re different around your own children.  You may not be ready for kids yet, and that’s totally fine (it’s not something to rush into!!) but I wouldn’t let these fears stop you from thinking that you’ll be a good mom – because I’m sure you would be 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
2578 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you aren’t sure, then please don’t. (breed)

You may well change your mind…. but if you don’t, that is okay too!

Post # 11
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you aren’t sure, then you probably aren’t ready to have kids yet. You can always wait for a couple more years and see if your feelings change. 

Post # 12
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

There is absolutely NO LAW that says you HAVE to have kids.

Post # 13
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

No pressure… why don’t you wait until your decided timeline and revisit? 

Post # 14
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@IrisBlue:  Well, good!  That’s a good sign. lol

I find it a little funny that several childless-by-choice individuals are telling you not to. >_>

Oh, and to add to my previous comment, my best friend chose to have a baby, because she came around to the idea that, “I actually want a kid!”  Before that, she had a bunch of animals to try to fill in the hole, then volunteered with kids, when she finally realized, “I want my own.” She’s actually a very good mother, so far. I think I left that off a little oddly, and made it sound like she had a kid, even though she didn’t want one. 

No pressure, though.  If you don’t feel that you’re ready, then don’t try for any.  At your age, you’ve still got some time as to whether you want to get on the rollercoaster, or not.

Post # 15
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m not a mother, but I don’t think this is the kind of decision that you make based on “should”. If you want kids, you will make it work. For example, I am choosing not to have children, but not because I feel I would be a bad mother, in fact I think I’d be a good mother. But the reason I’m not having kids is because I do not want them. If you want them, you’ll make it work. Don’t worry about it!

Post # 16
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Chaoslight:  It’s childfree, not childless. “Less” insinuates that there is something missing. I think so many childfree ladies are responding because they personally identify with what the OP has said and thought the exact same things as they were starting to decide not to have children. Hearing, “You don’t have to have a kid if you aren’t ready” and “Don’t have kids if you don’t want them” rounds out the opinions from the oh-too-common “Not having children is selfish” and “Don’t worry about it now- when you have your baby you will love it- it’s different when it’s your own.” 

We all know that none of us can convince the OP that she should decide one way or another. We can only share what we know from our life experiences. 

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