Post # 1
As the title of the post says we are not sure about a church wedding. Both FH and I were raised as catholics. And although we don’t practice, that is the religion we feel closer to. However, between logistics and some ugly stuff happening here with child sexual abuse from priests and how the church has responded, I feel so utterly disgusted that I am having a hard time at the moment thinking of getting married at the church. I know not every priest is a disgusting pedophile. But the way the church has handled it, pretty much refusing to handle documents to court is really disgusting to me. I do not know if this feeling will pass and we’ll choose a church wedding but I’ve started checking some options not to.
A couple days ago I went to our reception venue to finalize some contract stuff and the girls that work there have been fabulous. I told them I might not choose the church route and they took me to the ceiling of the venue where they have this terrace. They said since we already have the place rented for reception, when u rent the whole place is your. So we could use the roof top terrace for the ceremony at no extra cost. We would only have to rent chairs from someone as they only provide 200 chairs that will be used in the reception.
Here are some pics. Do you think a few chairs maybe decorated with some ribbons could make this place a pretty option for ceremony? They said if it’s raining the decorator can move everything to the library as a plan B in case things turn ugly.
Post # 2
Terrace is lovely! And its probably a lot easier logistically. God is just as much in the beautiful blue sky and the great outdoors as he is in a church. Do what your heart tugs you towards.
Post # 3
This sounds like a very personal decision. No one can tell you whether getting married in the church is important to you. My guess is, anyone that openly says they aren’t that religious shouldn’t prioritize getting married in the church. I’m of the belief that each person’s relationship with god is kind of private and if you believe, he’s everywhere. Getting married in or out of the church does not increase or decrease your relationship with him.
The terrace is beautiful.
Post # 4
The only thing you will have to be careful about is that if you do not get married in the Catholic church, the Catholic church will not recognise your marriage as valid. This means that you will not be able to take mass, should you decide to practise at a later date, and that you may find it more difficult to send your children to a Catholic school, should you wish it.
This can be solved by getting a convalidation, of course. But that requires more paperwork and bother etc etc.
So it is completely up to you… just making you aware of all the angles. This will depend a lot on the future you want for your children and how you intend to raise them. Those decisions are completely up to you… but you should discuss them first.
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
The terrace is beautiful, but you may need a back-up plan in the event that the weather doesn’t cooperate with you.
As for the church thing, I hear what you’re saying about being disappointed in the Catholic Church. But IMO, being married in faith is more about your relationship with God than your relationship with the church. I was raised Protestant and my DH was raised Catholic. We ended up getting married in a Protestant church and we were both extremely happy with the ceremony and our minister. Search your heart and think about what it means to you to enter into marriage. We wanted God to be a part of our ceremony because we believe we are stronger as a result.
Post # 6
PPs have made good points. Also be prepared for the possibility that being married in a church might be much more important to other family members than it is to you. People can get very emotional over this. Weddings bring out the crazy. Tread extra carefully if the people who may get upset are contributing financially.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste
IMHO opinion, do what feels right for you. I wouldn’t neccisarily choose the catholic church route just because it’s the religion you identify closest with. If you’re not practicing, I don’t really see the allure of getting married in the church ESPECIALLY if you have convictions looming over your head because of the sexual abuse. I think the terrace is absolutely lovely, and would be a great choice given the reception is in the same place.
I would go for the terrace, but ultimately it’s your choice and you should choose whichever one feels “right”.
Post # 8
MrsBuesleBee: thanks for the reassuring words. I feel the same. Especially as even if we have the terrace wessing we’ll have some sort of blessing.
BluebonnetBride: thanks! I feel the same. It’s just a bit weird as we were both raised in the church. I even went to and graduated from a catholic school. And although I haven’t been super close to church in recent years it is not too far off to think we might get closer again at some point. But you are right. At this very moment we feel more like our relationship to God does not depend on the church.
Post # 9
Rachel631: thanks! I guess although a same church it works a bit different in each country. Here in the island none of the catholic schools require that the kids belong to a catholic family. I studied in one and in fact we had a classmate whose dad was a pastor at a baptist church. LOL. that’s funny now that I think of it and I understand now why he was excused of religion class!.
I was also a bit shocked that In Germany (we live there half of the year) you have to get married at the city hall and then have a ceremony at the church. The law requires complete separation of the state and church.
Christy Thanks. Yes. Even if for some reason we decide for the terrace we’d like to have a special blessing at the ceremony. Probably by a friend who is a pastor and has known me for many years. Loved reading how it turned out for you.
Stiletto13: you are so right on this. I already felt the silence on the phone by my mom when I told her there is a possibility of not getting married in the church :-/ . I could tell she won’t say anything but she really hopes we will.
On the other hand, the only two pockets from where every single dollar for the wedding will come from are my Pocket and my future husband’s pocket so in that sense we might dissapoint our parents maybe by not going the church route but we are paying for everything ourselves so far.
Post # 10
erw4338: thanks! we are thinking even if we go for the terrace to still have someone do a special blessing. now thinking about decorating the terrace in case we decide to use it.
Post # 11
Christy42213: the place has a library the lady said we could use if it’s cloudy or raining. It’s really pretty too and would not cost extra either.
Post # 12
Sporty-Bee: That’s interesting. In the UK then RE is mandatory until pre-GCSE, and nobody can be excused for any reason… but I suppose you would have been learning about Catholicism exclusively in RE? We learn about all the major world religions in a set syllabus designed to educate us about world cultures and politics etc.
What you say about Germany is really not so uncommon, either. It can be quite hard to get a marriage license to marry in a church here, so many people have civil ceremonies followed by blessings simply because it is easier to meet the legal requirements.
Post # 13
That looks gorgeous.
I’m not Catholic (I’m presbyterian) , but my fiance and I are also not super religious. We have religious beliefs, but don’t attend any sort of church. I originally was opposed to getting married in a church, because most of the church weddings I had been to were in really dark churches, and that sort of creeped me out (some people find it romantic, I’m just weird I guess). His grandmother and my mom really felt funny about us maybe not getting married in a church, though they were respectful to whatever we wanted.
We first fell in love with a reception venue. It is an amazing Italian restaurant that I went to many times as a kid. The entire upstairs is a huge gorgoues rustic/ old school italian looking private banquet space (completely with private restrooms and kitchen) with a giagantic wooden rustic bar and huge windows we feel in love with, complete with elegant wood floors, chandeliars, and table settings. Plus the pricing was great- are second choose venue was such a lower preference for us that we were going to look at it if we got a bad feeling when we looked at the venue or they were booked. That is all great, but we sort of felt funny getting married in an Italian restaurant. It was perfect for a party, but it seemed weird to be able to go back and have dinner downstairs and think we were married in this restaurant- I don’t know.
I hadn’t really been to church since I was kid, and I really had no association to the church I was technically a member of (though inactive at this point), and the church was really dark, and wasn’t the right vibe for me. However, there was this gorgeous more modern church that had huge light colored windows and the space was very bright. I loved it, and while I wasn’t a member I had performed there in more recent years and felt more connected to that church. Once I spoke to the pastor we instantly clicked and I knew I wanted him to marry us.
The point is- you have to feel completely comfortable with the space and the person who will be marrying you and your fiance. If that be a church other than your own, or maybe your church with a different person administering the ceremony (if they allow that), or maybe your reception venue (which is gorgeous… I would just be a little worried about getting married outdoors).
Post # 14
- Wedding: February 2015 - Weddings at Tiffany's, Maleny
In this same situation, I have bad memories associated with the church growing up – but one of the reason I knew my FI was a good choice was because he doesn’t have any baggage. I found out just before we got engaged that he really had his heart set on marrying in an Anglican church, and we can do so because we are both baptized. As soon as we found one we both liked the look of, we paid the deposit straight away and locked in our date. Weeks later I think I’m going to be fine with it, but it’s not my ideal wedding. However it is an amazing church and to him and anyone else, it’s an extremely ideal wedding so I’m going to keep my mouth shut and just try and picture it as my princess castle.
Post # 15
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
Sporty-Bee: That’s awesome about the library as a back-up! Although I’d say if it’s only cloudy, keep it outside. The terrace is so pretty and the roof is such an interesting backdrop. It would make for awesome pictures.
When I was searching for wedding venues, my planner recommended that we choose a place that is already inherently beautiful. That way you don’t need to bring in a lot of extra stuff to jazz it up and make it pretty. With that terrace, I can see white chairs making it a beautiful ceremony spot. You wouldn’t need anything extra. If you could afford it and wanted to, you could do an aisle runner, floral aisle markers, and/or two floral arrangements at the front on either side of the pastor/minister. But it’s also beautiful just the way it is. Good luck! Hope everything works out for you. 🙂