- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I’m not even really sure where to start with this, but last night, things really opened my eyes up about my MOH, and fiancé’s feelings towards her.
So a little back story, FI and I have been engaged since July of 2011, and we have a 9 month old together; and my MOH is definitely in a different place in her life than I am. She still lives at home with her parents (I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this), she’s never been in a serious relationship, she’s way into partying at this stage in her life, and she’s borderline about to drop out of college with 4 classes to go.
Also, MOH and I have both had very good friendships in the past ruined by immature situations, or boyfriends, even stupid little fights; and we both have agreed that our friendship is too strong to be ruined by something like that. Or at least I thought so.
Over the past couple of months, MOH and I have been having disagreements, and my feelings have been genuinely hurt. We live about an hour away from each other, and I am a SAHM while I finish up my last few classes for my bachelors. Whenever we make plans to meet up, I always bring along my son, as we normally just meet up for lunch. Lately, she’s been cancelling plans at the very last minute, and when I finally had enough, I told her how I felt. I’m the type of person who when I make plans, I take them very seriously, and set aside the time to make them work; whereas MOH has become very flakey. Possibly, she’s always been like this, but I’ve more so just started to notice it lately.
Even though we haven’t seen each other in a while, or often, I still listen to her complain and contemplate her decisions with her on and off again boyfriend and try to give her the best advice possible.
Well yesterday, and this is going to seem very highschool-ish, and I know this, seems to be where true feelings came out. So yesterday, I went on istagram, and she put up a couple pictures that said #nationalbestfriendsday, and yet, there wasn’t one of us on there. Honestly, it hurt knowing that my MOH, who I consider to be my best friend, doesn’t consider me to be her best friend? So I texted our mutual friend, who is also a BM, and she completely agreed with me, as did her sister who hasn’t met either of us.
When I texted MOH how I felt, she said that she was going to let me know that she didn’t add a picture because she didn’t have one of us on her phone, which isn’t true. But regardless, I told her that it was okay, and I appreciate her intentions of telling me before I saw it. I also asked her if it would hurt her if the situation was reversed. Then she went off to say that she’s frustrated that she has to drive so far to meet me and we don’t hang out long and that my son is always alone with me. She even went as far as to say that I have to work around his needs and that she doesn’t think it’s fair that we don’t ever see each other anymore without my son being around.
When I told this to FI, he was very mad at the way that she worded all of this to me, got extremely upset, and said that after all of the problems that have aroused that he doesn’t even want her in our wedding anymore. Unfortunately, I agree with him. Not just because of yesterday, but everything with her has turned into a snowball effect and I don’t know how much longer I can put up being treated like this from her. She’s my MOH, supposed to be my best friend, and she’s treating me like this constantly?
It’s not fair, not to me to be treated like this. It’s not fair for my FI to have to sit and see me cry over a friend hurting my feelings like the way she is. I’ve gone out of my way to try and make plans, try and talk to her, try and give her advice, try and give her another chance after chance, and nothing has changed.
I’m completely on the same page with FI, I don’t think that she should be my MOH anymore, and maybe this is completely my fault for asking her when FI and I first got engaged knowing that our wedding was going to be two years out. At this point, I know that I do not want her to be my MOH and I’m not even sure that I want her to even be a BM. Am I over reacting? How should I tell her this?
This definitely turned out longer than I thought it would, and I appreciate anyone who read through the whole thing, and can give me advice. Thank you!