Post # 1
For my wedding party, I had decided to ask my two sisters and one of my best friends to be my BMs. My best friend and I now live in different cities located about 45 minutes apart, and we have definitely drifted apart a bit since we used to get to see each other every day and now we don’t. But I still considered her to be my closest friend and we still talk pretty much every day.
However, lately she doesn’t seem to be all that supportive of me and my wedding anymore. I don’t want to say she is acting jealous, but I can’t really find a better word for it. She didn’t like the dress I have picked out, or the shoes, or the venue…and didn’t like any ideas for decorations. Everytime I would mention a certain flower I want, or centerpiece, or food idea, she would always interject with how her ideas are SO much better.
I am totally open to suggestions, but I don’t want my ideas slammed down without consideration. Just seems silly since it is MY wedding. Lately, she keeps bringing up how my FI and I have only been together for a year (living together for 6 months.)
She and her boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years and aren’t even looking to get engaged any time soon. Personally, if I am happy in my relationship, why should she care how long we have been together. If she wants to wait longer to get engaged, that is totally her choice.
It’s not like she is being intentionally rude. I feel like she just talks down to me about stuff, like I don’t know what I am doing. (She has never planned a wedding either!!)
So now I am not sure if I even want to ask her to be in my wedding. I am worried that she will just find more justification in criticizing my choices or to mention how FI and I should wait to get married. But I would also feel bad not getting to have my best friend in my wedding.
What do you all think?? (Sorry for the vent and the lenght on this post) 🙂 I appreciate any advice!!
Post # 3
Are you positive that you aren’t being oversensitive? Just make sure. Your wedding is a very important day- maybe the most important day of your life. However, it is one day and friendships can last forever. Don’t lose a friend over a wedding.
Also, when we get excited about our weddings, sometimes it is hard for us to remember that nobody else is going to be as excited as we are ourselves.
I’m not suggesting that you are wrong here- just that you should take a really good look at it- maybe ask your sisters what they think (because nobody tells it like it is like a sister. LOL)
Post # 4
So true! @menobride! I could just be getting a bit more sensitive too. It is hard because I don’t really have a lot of girlfriends anymore since moving in with my FI and moving to a new city. She is pretty much the only one I have and I guess I just wish she were there for a me a bit more. I get to see both of my sisters this weekend, so that might help a bit.
Post # 5
NP- I am guilty of doing this, too! I think we all get so excited, that it is hard to not share details!
If she has some suggestions, try to incorporate at least one. And give her praise for making a difference. That might help a lot!
Post # 6
If you think you’re going to have issues with her throughout the wedding planning process, I wouldn’t ask her. There’s enough stress going on that you can’t control but you can control your wedding party. I would just tell her that you wanted it to be only family.
Post # 7
I’ll just say from experience, be very careful who you ask to be in your wedding. Don’t make knee jerk reactions, really take time to think about it. If she’s annoying you now, it’s likely not going to get better by next summer. Whatever her reasons are, she may be a nice friend, but just not right for the bridesmaid role. No shame in that.
Post # 8
I totally agree with @Bride109. And I doubt you are being oversensitive, I”m sure you can tell when something is off with your friend. Plus, those types of comments coming from anyone are rude to a bride planning her wedding, forget your best friend!
If I were you, at least for now I would totally stop talking to her about the wedding. Talk about other things and if she tries to bring up your wedding just say you need a break from talking about it and brush off the subject. Then wait a few weeks, if her behaviour improves at all then consider asking her to be a BM, if not then definitely don’t. Trust me, you do NOT want someone like her in her current state being a BM in your wedding. It will totally backfire in your face and she will be one more thing stressing you out before the big day.
Post # 9
If you guys have drifted apart, I wouldn’t ask her to be in the wedding. It could cause more stress than it’s worth. However, if you are holding off on asking her based on her opinions alone, maybe give it another thought. I hate hate hate when people won’t give me their true opinion and “sugar-coat” things to make me feel better. Oh it annoys me so bad. So, in return, I always give my honest opinion, whether the other person is going to like it or not…hey, they asked, right? She may not like anything you picked out. Well, so what? Do you like it? Does your FI like it? That’s all that matters! Now, if she constantly puts down your ideas, that’s an entirely different story.