(Closed) Not sure if I want to ask her to be a BM anymore…

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you positive that you aren’t being oversensitive? Just make sure. Your wedding is a very important day- maybe the most important day of your life. However, it is one day and friendships can last forever. Don’t lose a friend over a wedding.

Also, when we get excited about our weddings, sometimes it is hard for us to remember that nobody else is going to be as excited as we are ourselves.

I’m not suggesting that you are wrong here- just that you should take a really good look at it- maybe ask your sisters what they think (because nobody tells it like it is like a sister. LOL)

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

NP- I am guilty of doing this, too! I think we all get so excited, that it is hard to not share details!

If she has some suggestions, try to incorporate at least one. And give her praise for making a difference. That might help a lot!

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

If you think you’re going to have issues with her throughout the wedding planning process, I wouldn’t ask her. There’s enough stress going on that you can’t control but you can control your wedding party. I would just tell her that you wanted it to be only family.

Post # 7
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ll just say from experience, be very careful who you ask to be in your wedding. Don’t make knee jerk reactions, really take time to think about it. If she’s annoying you now, it’s likely not going to get better by next summer. Whatever her reasons are, she may be a nice friend, but just not right for the bridesmaid role. No shame in that.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally agree with @Bride109. And I doubt you are being oversensitive, I”m sure you can tell when something is off with your friend. Plus, those types of comments coming from anyone are rude to a bride planning her wedding, forget your best friend!

If I were you, at least for now I would totally stop talking to her about the wedding. Talk about other things and if she tries to bring up your wedding just say you need a break from talking about it and brush off the subject. Then wait a few weeks, if her behaviour improves at all then consider asking her to be a BM, if not then definitely don’t. Trust me, you do NOT want someone like her in her current state being a BM in your wedding. It will totally backfire in your face and she will be one more thing stressing you out before the big day.

Post # 9
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

If you guys have drifted apart, I wouldn’t ask her to be in the wedding.  It could cause more stress than it’s worth.  However, if you are holding off on asking her based on her opinions alone, maybe give it another thought.  I hate hate hate when people won’t give me their true opinion and “sugar-coat” things to make me feel better.  Oh it annoys me so bad.  So, in return, I always give my honest opinion, whether the other person is going to like it or not…hey, they asked, right?  She may not like anything you picked out.  Well, so what?  Do you like it?  Does your FI like it?  That’s all that matters!  Now, if she constantly puts down your ideas, that’s an entirely different story.

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