(Closed) Not sure if I was abused

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
7349 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes- the instances you mentioned are abusive.

Post # 5
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh yes, definitely abusive behavior by your mom.  And spirited or not, no child should be treated the way you were.

Post # 6
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh man, yeah I agree with pp.

Post # 8
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds abusive to me but if you’re well adjusted and it doesn’t haunt you or affect your daily life, I don’t think you need therapy. Why spend the money and bring up old painful memories because your coworkers think you should? You do what’s right for you and don’t worry about other people’s opinions.

ETA: I just saw your post saying that it is affecting your life. I think it would be a good idea to get some skills therapy for anger management, they’ll talk to you about what triggers you and what happened to you growing up that helped put that anger in you and give you ways to calm down before you blow up. They will not make you talk about what your mom’s excuses are, like her being abused herself. If you meet a therapist who wants you to talk all about why it wasn’t your mom’s fault then get a new one. Your mother is responsible for her behavior just as you are responsible for yours.

Post # 9
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

It sounds to me like you just did regular kid stuff.  Your mom way overreacted, and was definitely abusive.  You didn’t deserve any of that treatment.

Post # 10
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you know in you heart you need to seek therapy. I think it’s a great step that you recognize you have shown signs of abuse yourself. If you are TTC and think you may follow in your mothers footsteps, unintentionally, you may want to contact someone. It doesn’t matter if your mom was abused “worse” than you, you need to do this to stop the trend. Good luck *hugs*

Post # 11
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Parts of what you have described definitely sound like abuse to me. Difficult times have a way of creeping back into our lives or thoughts when we might not expect them to. If you are TTC it might be a good idea to make sure you have dealt with some of the potential undelrying feelings you are experiencing. If you have never discussed this with a therapist it could be interesting to see whether or not you feel like it helps. Seeing atherapist can be a little bit daunting the first time – just remember, it is all about fit. Once you find the right person, opening up about personal experiences will get easier! I’m so sorry to hear about your difficult childhood, no one deserves to be treated that way.

Post # 13
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yes, I believe that this definitely counts as abuse. When your parents kept financial information from you, that is a form of abuse. My ex husband abused me and part of it was economic control. I had some friends who said it wasn’t abuse, but it is. What’s most important is not whether I think it’s abuse or anyone else, but HOW YOU FEEL. Only you know how you feel. If you feel that this is abuse, then this is what is important to focus on. 

That all said, I’m sorry that you had to deal with any of that.

If you think you would benefit from therapy, then I say go for it. I’m of teh opinion that pretty much everyone can benefit in some way from therapy, even if it’s only a few visits. I am comfortable telling most people that I’ve seen a therapist. I only have check in visits (as I call them) when I feel I need one. I used to see my therapist once a week, and it has done really good things for me. I had problems finding a therapist I liked adn could trust. If you think you need therapy, you may need to talk to a few before you find someone you click with.

Post # 15
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Yes! And I think that it is good you are able to talk about it, but I also think that you do need to see a therapist, even if it makes you nervous. Your comment suggests that you think your mom abused you because she was abused, but, not to scare you, but how do you know you won’t continue the cycle? I can guarentee you that your mom probably never expected or consciously decided to abuse you.

That being said, I think that seeing a therapist will help you come to terms with what has happened and help you to be a better person. It sounds like you have a lot of guilt around what happened and blame yourself because of your behaviour– I can tell you now, I am a Kindergarten teacher and I have seen some WILD behaviour, but no behaviour warrents hitting, slapping, locking outside, locking in a closet, etc. If I heard a parent did this I would call children’s aid immediately. You are NOT to blame. Your mother has a problem and I think you need to learn more about yourself and her.

Post # 16
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If you think you might need therapy definately go. If you have moved on and have put the past behind you, I think you are in the best place you can be and would move on. Only you can know how you feel about it, but it sounds like you are handling your upbringing ok.

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