(Closed) Not sure if I’m the one?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t know if everyone believes in “the one” and if the two of you are happy together now and that is good for both of you, then I don’t see a problem with where you are.

Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m a believer in a “the one” theory and I think you know right away or you don’t and that’s all there is to it. My FI agrees. BUT I know plenty of happily engaged/committed/married friends who think it’s a lot of BS. It all depends on how you personally think of love. 

Post # 6
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

There are a lot self questions you sometimes have to ask yourself to reaffirm something, once you get through that process you can usually come to a conclusion when you know you really want to be with this person.  It doesn’t always work perfectly for everyone to know right away, sometimes there is some soul searching. I’m sure with age, college to career, ect. there maybe a lot of growing up going on and it’s a transition of life changes.  It doesn’t always work like the movies!!! I wish it did 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’d understand if he just wasn’t ready to be engaged yet, but in my opinion (only mine…you need to do whatever your gut tells you to do), if it’s been 2.5 years and he still doesn’t know if you’re the “one”…then I think that he might not be the right person for you and vise versa. My FI and I knew within months that we wanted to be together forever, we waited until 4.5 years to get engaged but marriage was always on the table. Most of the more successful couples I can think of in my circle, knew fairly early on that they were with the one. It’s very possible that at some point you could be the one for him, but maybe his lack of relationship experience is making it hard for him to realize it, and I think that if you moved forward in this relationship he’d always feel like he was missing out on something. This might be a “set it free and if it comes back to you it’s yours” kind of situation. Like I said though, that’s just my outside opinion. Only YOU willl know what’s best for you.

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is hard.  I don’t think that everyone has a smack you over the head, “realization” moment.  However, if that’s what he thinks should happen and that’s what he’s waiting for, you might be battling against his expectations.  Maybe he will realize later that he doesn’t need that, and maybe he won’t.  I do think it’s completely natural for a 22 year old guy to just not be ready to think about getting married at all (depending on your peer group/culture).  If you are happy with where things are for now and not in a rush to get married, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  But I would talk about how he envisions his 20s playing out.  

Post # 9
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Either hes being super honest which is great

or using it to string you along, as in maybe you will back off from wanting commitment ( and perhaps you will because he knows you desperately want him/love him for the future).

Even If all your external factors aren’t together for a wedding  ( many couples struggle with getting careers and finances on par) your INTERNAL desire should be their. so you guys have the reverse issue going on

As far as you two have come as in length of a relationship shouldn’t dictate its value.

Glad to hear your taking time to work & figure out the relationship.

Do you live together?

Post # 11
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Okay, so Its good to hear yall have your own living spaces, its a help when you need some space to work things out. I also have kept in mind you are his first real relationship- that can make a big difference.

 transitions of school to work are also a tumultuous time and can have you questioning everything-your future gets put out on the table and examined. perhaps he is struggling with that?

Keep communicating like you have been! I’m sure you will have a clearer picture soon 🙂

 

Post # 12
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It can take longer for some people. With my fiance and I we had our moments of, ” Is he/she the one?”. We both grew so much together, and I can honestly say the day he proposed, I was a different person than when we first started dating . And that was the person that was ” the one” for him. I had matured as an indivdual, and I had grown so much, and he saw that. As did I for him.

So sometimes in life the outcome is worth the wait, you might not be ” the one” today but you might be in 6 months from now.

 

Post # 13
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@FireSpirit: “ I do think I could spend the rest of my life with him, he is unsure.

This concerns me. You say that you “could”. You should “want” to. Are you sure that you WANT to spend the rest of your life with HIM? 

I am sorry that you guys are experiencing this. 

Post # 14
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I wouldn’t sit around waiting for him to figure it out.  With him saying what he said, it seems like he is leaning toward you not spendng your lives together (as it was kind of a hurtful thing to actually say to you / think it yes, say it no). I’m not saying completely dump him but date others as well.  Maybe he’ll miss you and have a revelation, or not.  Maybe you will realize he isn’t the one for you, or maybe you will meet someone who does think you are the one!  Don’t put all your eggs in his basket!  

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

im a believer that a person knows pretty darn soon if the person is the one or not but to be honest being only 22, having limited life or relationship experience i wonder how someone can “know”.  of course my sister met her husband at 17 and they have been married 30yrs now so some people just know but if he is torn up with this decision im thinking let him go and find himself to see if he knows who and what he wants – not all relationships are forever, some are just part of your path to learn from.  goodluck, wishing the best for both of you

 

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