Not sure if it's a proposal that I want…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are over thinking this.  He would not propose if he did not want to be with you.   This is what you want for yourself.  Just be happy it’s coming!  

Post # 4
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

As long as he follows through with it, he wants to marry you. He’s not going to propose because someone told him to, unless he just needed the little shove to make him actually do it. Calm down, be excited! This is a good thing!

Post # 5
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would just say, “I don’t want you to propose to me if it isn’t what you want to do. I want you to be ready and to be excited about it. Don’t let that conversation make you do something you wouldn’t have been doing otherwise” I honestly don’t think theres anything wrong with bluntly addressing your concern in this instance. It’ll probably make you feel better and when he does propose you won’t question it. 

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I think he’s just had a fire lit under his ass and doesn’t want to lose you to someone who will act faster.

Post # 7
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Some guys just need a nudge in the right direction. They don’t always think these things through the same way that we do. Maybe this was the kick in the pants he needed!

Post # 8
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think you’re overthinking this. Guys sometimes need to hear stuff from other people for them to really sink in. When I tell my guy I’d like to be married to him, he gives me the “you’re sweet but what else is new” look. Then last week, two older men (his father and a bartender in a place where we come a lot) told him to stick with me because he’s incredibly lucky, and I could tell it made a difference. 

Just be thankful for this woman and make sure to send her a box of chocolates when he proposes! 😉 

Post # 9
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

In my opinion, men rarely go through with marrying someone that they don’t want to marry unless they feel absolutely strong-armed or there is a kid involved and they do it out of obligation.

You situation doesnt sound like either of those. It sounds like that gal gave him a kick in the pants and a bit of a reality check.

If it would make you feel better, I dont think there’s anything wrong with saying “hey, I’m really excited to see we are moving forward, but I just want you to make sure you do this when YOU are ready.”

Post # 12
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@NotablySidedJP:  Oddly enough, my SO and I have been together for just over 3 years, and no one in his family has even hinted at marriage. Not a one. Makes me wonder.

As for your BF, I’m going with what PP have said. He just needed a kick to the pants. When mine bought my ring, it took several hours for him to convince himself to purchase it. The entire time, I told him that if he wasn’t ready, there was no rush. I wanted him to be comfortable and confident, and not to do something just because I liked it. We still went in and out of the store three more times. I’m sure the sales lady went a bit crazy. Point is, just assure him that you want him to do what he wants to do, not what other people tell him to do.

 

Post # 13
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I wouldn’t worry too much.  I think it helped him to have an objective, professional third party lay it all out for him.  Not that you put it badly, but when you would talk about the same things, he probably just heard a lot of blah blah blah.  Men are stupid that way! 

Post # 14
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Awww Don’t worry!! I think it just helped him realize what he wants and shouldn’t keep you waiting much longer. I don’t think it made him feel like he HAS to marry you if he didn’t want to

Post # 15
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t worry too much about it….it sounds like your dad’s new GF is a good counselor!  Even though it was informal, counseling can help people see things in a new way.  I think it’s good that you want to make sure he isn’t doing anything out of obligation, but don’t focus too much on that.  

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