- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011
My relationship has come to the point where I’m not sure where to turn or what to do next. DH and I are at a point wher nothing we say to each other is good enough, nothing we do is good enough, and when he gets upset and starts yelling, it gets bad. DH has a medical condition, schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. When he was in the Navy, he attempted suicide. He is now classified as 100% disabled and will always be that way. There is no cure – just management.
When we first started dating, I knew of his diagnosis, but I didn’t process exactly what it meant. He was kind, nice, sweet, caring. He made my parents happy, and was just an all around prince charming. There were a few odd balls, but I chalked it up to his diagnosis. Those were that he lived at home, had to pay his parents an exorbirant amount of rent, and didn’t really do that much – life focused on his family. He didn’t have many friends, but he did have friends.
Before I met DH, the prior three years had been tough. I had a BF, but we broke up, then my mom got cancer, I had a mental break, and ended up leaving my great job to be closer to home. I thought that getting together with DH was a sign that life was improving, and I was joyously happy.
Right after we got married in June, we moved to a new city, about 3 hours from my parents, so I could get my MBA. Since we’ve been here, it’s like I don’t even know who my DH is. He’s not the man I fell in love with. He only sleeps, and gets up late, and complains about being bored. When we got out here, because of my college schedule, we agreed that he would have responsibility for household chores while I concentrated on studying 100% of the time. Chores are almost never done unless I do them. He has actually said that I should have to do all the chores, along with study, and when we have kids, I should take care of the kids, work full time and do all the housework, so he can concentrate on hunting and fishing.
In the past few months, it has gotten way worse. I have been screamed at almost weekly, with DH saying that all I am is a lazy bitch, who can’t bother to do anything, and I’m not being a wife, but I’m treating him like a slave. We live in an apt building with thin walls, and I am constantly having to remind him to lower his voice, and to please not scream at me. And if he’s not screaming, he’s either staring at a wall in boredom, or saying that he wants to kill himself.
Because I’m in college full time, we are living off of his pension and social security. I won’t lie – we are comforatable. We can’t get a house of our own while Im in college, but we aren’t having financial issues. Well, one of the things DH constantly brings up to me is that everything is HIS and that I don’t deserve any of it.
Today, he went into another rampage. I was on the phone with my mother, and he decided to start yelling at me, then at her. Nothing new with what he was calling me, but then he called her a bitch. I went into the spare bedroom and closed the door. When I came out, all the cash in my purse was gone, and he was gone too. I had no clue where, but it isn’t the first time he has done this. Then I get a call from the VA hospital – he is there, and wanting to know if I can come pick him up or if he should self admit. I told him he had to make his own decision. When he started swearing again, I hung up.
He was able to talk to a counselor, who also talked to me, and I did end up picking him up. When we got back to the apt, he got in my face and screamed that I will be on the couch until he goes to his parents next weekend, and that everything is his, I am not to even eat any food in the house. I just sequesterd myself in my office again, and we haven’t spoken since.
At this point, I truly don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m shutting down from all the stress this is causing me. I want this to work – I truly do. When I said “till death do us part”, I meant it – and not death of the relationship, but natural death. I am so stressed that I am getting a tension migraine, and I have finals due starting on Sunday.
Any advice? I truly am at my wits end here. I don’t know where else to turn or how else to make this work. I feel like no matter how hard I try, nothing is going to change. We are seeing a counselor at the VA for marriage counseling already – but it doesn’t seem to be helping.
If you made it through this drama, thank you. I know these posts seem to happen every day on the Bee, so I’m sorry to be tonights crazy bride. 🙁 I just needed to get it out, and see if anyone can help.