Post # 1
My SO’s friend texted him a joke, and he giggled and handed me his phone to read it. I could see their previous conversation on the screen, so (being nosy when I saw the last couple of lines and the word “propose”) I scrolled up and read the previous few messages.
SO: Sorry but I can’t make it tomorrow night (to go out for drinks with the guys)
SO’s Friend: Why not? Are you proposing? Lol
SO: No, lol. To Gorjuss?
SO’s Friend: Well I don’t expect you to propose to me, haha!
SO: No, we’re having dinner with my parents tomorrow. What makes you think I’ll propose to her?
SO’s Friend: We’re all waiting for it, haha
SO: Are you guys expecting me to propose?
SO’s Friend: Dunno mate, but you have been with her for a while!
I giggled at the joke so he didn’t realise I’d quickly read the rest of the conversation. But now I feel kinda depressed. He clearly isn’t even thinking about proposing. We’ve been together for 2.5 years and living together for six months of that time. He knows that 3 years is the maximum I’m prepared to invest without a commitment, considering that I’m 33 and don’t have time to waste on the wrong guy. But it sounds like I’m wasting my time and my deadline will come and go with no proposal 🙁
Post # 3
Dont look too deeply into this.
1) Maybe there is a reason why his friend is asking him if he is proposing
2) Guys talk weird to eachother. Of course hes gotta be manly and laugh it off
3) Doesnt sound like he has said this to you???
Chin up…while its upsetting, I dont think its consitutes questioning your relationship.
Why not tell him that you saw the texts, and ask him what they meant??
Post # 4
@mrssoontobeh: Nah. I think your gut may be right. Follow your gut.
Post # 5
I know it was painful to read, but to me that text doesn’t make it clear he’s not thinking of proposing. It just meant he wasn’t thinking of it that night. You have not said anything about whether or not he wants to marry you. Have you guys talked about this? Has he said you’re the one, anything like that?
If you’re not sure what to do, “I would really like to be engaged and start the next stage of our relationship, but I don’t know if you’re on the same page” is a start. You should be able to have an open, honest discussion about this. You can’t make progress if you’re silently hoping he’ll read your mind.
Post # 6
I edited my post to clarify the original conversation and how I ended up reading it. To me it doesn’t sound like he’s thinking about proposing.
Post # 7
So…you guys haven’t had the Talk, or set any kind of direction for where you see the relationship going, and when?
I think you need to stop playing guessing games and just have a real conversation with him. How your relationship progresses isn’t just up to him!
Post # 8
I think it’s great that his friends are encouraging him to propose. I’m not sure how much conversation you’ve had about your future, but this is not a big transgression, IMO. Be happy his friends are supporting you two and want him to marry you!
Post # 9
@Gorjuss: I re-read it and thought something looked different!! Either way, this is a great opporunity to bring up your future to him and see where he really stands!!
Post # 10
Yeah, I don’t see how that means he’s not thinking of proposing at all…ever. Technically, his friend asked if your SO was proposing specifically tomorrow night. To which he responded “no.” That’s the black and white of it.
As to your concern which is technically an interpretation of what occurred: I think you need to ask him. Just tell him you saw the other conversation when he was showing you the joke and you wanted a quick clarification. Did he mean that he has no plans to ever propose or was he simply, literally saying he wasn’t proposing tomorrow night because he already has plans.
By not asking you’re just torturing yourself over something that could have simply been a misunderstanding. Don’t give up hope on a relationship before you have solid information.
Post # 11
@crayfish: agreed. I’m sorry, this sounds crappy to read, but it’s better to know! sit him down and say, “hey about those texts… do you see us getting married? if so, when?”
Post # 12
I think the fact that the friend is asking about a proposal means that the boys have talked about it and the friend was wondering if tonight was THE night…hang in there and wait out your timeline, he might still come through with it, have a little faith and good luck!
ETA: Since you guys have already discussed a firm time line, if i were you I would just let it be, he knows how you feel and where you stand on that, right? Also, if he’s got something coming, you don’t want to ruin it, I suggest being a bit more patient, hopefully he wont dissapoint.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t mention that you saw the texts. But in about a week or two you can bring up a conversation about your future since you are getting close to your three year mark. See if he’s still on the same page as you.
Post # 14
I never let on that I was waiting when I was (for about 2 years). I assume my Fiance was the same way with proposing. He could just be downplaying the possibility because he doesn’t think its anyone else’s business.
Post # 15
Uhhh, I think your way off track on this text message translation…I would disregard it totally and stay happy!
Post # 16
If his friend was serious, he’d have said “Are you proposing?” not “Are you proposing? Lol”. The Lol makes it sound like a joke, not like something they’ve discussed.
When my SO said “Are you guys expecting me to propose?” and his friend said “Dunno mate, but you have been with her for a while!”, it sounds like he hasn’t discussed proposing with his friends, and his friend was just speculating. If he was planning to propose I think he’d have discussed it.