Not sure – STAY or Go??

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

i think the minute you are seeking advice on an online forum, you probably know the answer. communication is essential and i personally couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t on the same page as me. best of luck… take care of yourself!

Post # 4
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

If I may ask, why is he 42 living with his parents?

It sounds like you two are not on the same page.  I would talk to him, then move out while you two work things out, if possible.

Post # 5
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

He’s living with his parents at 42? Are you guys not able to afford a place on your own? I assume you were living elsewhere before moving in…why didn’t he move in with you?

It’s a giant red flag that at 42 the man behaves “like a little child” and can’t talk to you about marriage. Move out, gather your thoughts, and have a really honest talk about what you both want out of life. No real communication is a big problem. I’d recommend counseling if you want to salvage the relationship.

Post # 7
Member
3156 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@maxfluffy:  I’d move on for the sheer fact that you can’t have an important conversation with the man you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with.  Life throws some crazy things at you and communication is the #1 thing in my book.  I’d be gone.

Post # 8
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@maxfluffy: I think it may be time to move on.  His actions are making it obvious as to what he really wants, which doesn’t seem to include marriage or children. Its really key to marriage and raising children that you can communicate effectively, and it seems like that isn’t happening either.  If you were at least communicating, it may be different. 

Post # 9
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i am kinda curious on how his parents are treating you? the same? different? sometimes there’s an indication on what their son is thinking based on their non verbal or verbal communications towards you.

Post # 10
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@maxfluffy:  Oh my goodness this is an awful situation. He is 42 and you’re living with his parents and he won’t set a date and walks out of the room when you want to talk about wedding planning or babies????? RUN, RUN, RUN. This man child will never change!

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@maxfluffy:  If you can’t have a serious conversation with a 42 year old man without him stomping out of the room like a child to avoid the topic, I’d say you have your answer.

Post # 12
Member
3959 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@megz06:   +1.   Over time, the subject may change but I doubt his reaction will.  If that is how he deals with major life issues, and something important to YOU, you do need to ask yourself if that is what you want, and deserve, in a partner.

I’d suggest moving out.  To break up or not, only you know.  But don’t let him keep having his cake and eating it too.  He needs to grow up.  

Post # 14
Member
240 posts
Helper bee

Have you tried making wedding plans/setting a date? What does he do?

If you can’t even talk about setting a date or having a child – time to move on. Maybe see if he’s willing to go to counseling, but if he says no, I’d bolt.

Post # 15
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@maxfluffy:  “So far so good but since he gave me that engagement ring 2 years ago, he never talks about marriage again, never mentions planning or even having a baby in the future. If I ask him, he is avoiding the topic or behaves like a little child and leaves the room. I cannot communicate with him.”

 

The last sentance is all you need to know to get yourself to move on. If you cannot communicate and he refuses to discuss things with you, its time to leave.  Communication is absolutley a necessity in marriage or any relationship for that matter.  

 

As to why he had you move in?  Convienence perhaps?? All the benefits of having a wife without any of the actual commitment??   

 

I would call this relationship done.  Move out and on with your life.  I’m 32 too and did it a few years ago (minus the moving out, because we didn’t live together and we weren’t engaged). Best decision EVER. Its tough and hard, but if he proposed to you, and then is failing to follow through on it, won’t even discuss it, …its time to leave.   Do NOT have a baby with this man, that would be setting yourself and the child up for some serious heartbreak and hardtimes.  

 

I’m so so so so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like he is using the engagement ring as a crutch instead of getting on with the wedding and marriage like he is supposed to.  

 

Post # 16
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@maxfluffy:  Sounds like there is a huge gap in maturity levels between the two of you. The fact of the matter is, you’re at different places in your lives and a marriage isn’t really something you can just make happen now and hope to figure it out later down the road. I say move on. No reason to continue going through the motions, they will all have the same result.

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