- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
My FH and I have been planning our wedding for next Spring. Unfortunately, the universe has not been cooperating and I’m at my wits end. There is a huge part of me that feels like it’s time to re-think this whole thing, but then I feel selfish and awful.
Problem #1 – My fiance propsed to me in May and I ABSOLUTELY love the ring that he bought for me! The center stone is his grandmother’s stone and he had a custom setting made to match a vintage setting I showed him that I liked. Unfortunately, in the first month 3 stones fell out of the halo and we had to take it back to the jeweler to be repaired. A few months later, the same thing happened and instead we took it to a different jeweler who would not repair the ring due to poor craftsmanship and said that we were scammed by this jeweler. We then took it to another local jeweler for a second opinion and got the same feedback. Now I am without a ring. My fiance is mortified. The other jewelers both said that they think we should get our money back from the first guy before they make me a new ring. So, we are in limbo and having to deal with a shister of a jeweler who now wants to have a 3rd chance to make this right.
Problem #2 – My company has a catering division. When I requested a quote for our wedding, it came in to be $12,000 more than the other caterers that I’ve requested quotes from. While I want to have the company I work for do the food for our event, I am not willing to pay THAT much more. In addition, I do not see eye to eye with some of the people in that department and I feel in many ways like I know too much of what goes on behind the scenes. It seems easy, cut an dry…just go with one of the other caterers, but every time I go to actually do it I am overwhelmed with guilt and just an overall bad feeling. I don’t want to diss the people I work for like that. I am very proud of the company that I work for. There are simply a few people who I an not necessarily get along gang with, but I think that is normal that you don’t love every individual that you work with but you should love the people who are doing your wedding. I am torn up about it and I know that my boss would be upset that I didn’t talk to her but I also do not want to insult anyone by being honest about how I feel.
Problem #3 – I asked all of my girls to be my bridesmaids. I have 2 Maid/Matron of Honor, my sister and my childhoood friend who has been my friend since I was 4 years old. I was Maid/Matron of Honor in both of their weddings. I also asked 3 other very close girlfriends and I felt really good about that decision. Then, my best childhood friend/MOH called me a few weeks into planning to tell me that she is expecting a baby 3 weeks before my wedding. She was very non-chalant about it and said, no big deal…I’ll just have an extra guest. I am so upset, not because she got pregnant, but because realistically, I know that there is a good chance that she will not be able to be at my wedding and even if she is there, she’ll likely be very uncomfortable and not feel like being there w/a nursing newborn. So, I kind of feel like it’s going to be a big burden for her that she is stuck with out of obligation. I decided to let it go and just let it play out.
Problem #4 – Then, I’ve got some major family drama. My mother and I are estranged and something that has been going on for quite some time has hit a peak. The shit has totally hit the fan and while I am trying to be mature and just put one foot in front of the other, I am extremely hurt by my mother. This is something that I have come to expect, to be hurt by her, and I have decided that I can’t have her at my wedding. I don’t want to have a knot in my stomach on a day that is supposed to be happy and fun, just because she is there. I am the bigger person a lot and I suck it up and put on a polite and happy face, but I just feel like I shouldn’t have to do that on my wedding day. I didn’t expect it to be such an emotional decision, but in making that decision I feel like I’ve been in an emotional spiral. My dad died 10 years ago, so I will not have my mom or my dad. My mom isn’t much of a mom, so even if she was there physically, she wouldn’t be there emotionally. I know that it will cause a lot of drama, including the possibility that people will boycott my wedding, the most heartbreaking person being my youngest brother who does not agree with my mom, but stands by her no matter what and refuses to come to family events unless she is invited.
Problem #5 – As I am dealing with the emotional tidal waves that came with the decision to exclude my mom, my sister/MOH dropped her own bomb. She is now also pregnant and due a month after my wedding.
At this point, I’m feeling as if the stars are just aligning and I’m overwhelmed to the point where whenever I think about the wedding, I just sob. On top of these big issues, the little things are not falling into place either. I got a wierd response from a DJ that was recommended to me by my brother, the other DJ recommended by my co-worker never got back to me. Just little nonsense, but seriously, nothing seems to be easy with this wedding.
The only thing that I can say is that I’ve got the right guy. Although a friend (so called friend) felt the need the other day to share with another friend that she thinks that all of these things are signs that I’m not with the right person and that I should listen to the universe. That was very hurtful, especially with everything else I’ve been tackling. Between all of the issues, the ONLY solid thing that I know I have and can count on is my FH. He is amazingly supportive, loving and truly my best friend.
I’ve asked him seriously how he feels about eloping and he is against it because he feels as if I should have a “real wedding”. I’m not sure that I disagree, aside from all of the drama, there are some people that we both love who would be devastated not to be present for our wedding and we would be sad not to share that moment with. At the same time, I have always felt that the wedding is an event and the marriage is the most important thing to be focused on, so there is a huge part of me that does not feel that it’s worth all of the stress and anxiety.
I’m not sure what to do next. I’ve been procrastinating and avoiding the decisions but we’re now at a point where we need to make some committments and start moving forward or call it off.
Any Bees out there who have dealth with a rocky planning process? I’m not sure what to do or how to handle it. At this point, I’m considering:
Keeping the original date in May and just sucking up all of the potential disappointments, going with the less expensive caterer that we really liked and chalking it up to, “it is what it is.”
Changing the date of our wedding to sooner vs. later so that my preggos won’t be so preggo and will have more energy to actually enjoy the wedding and be there whole heartedly. My FH is not that into that idea and thinks it would be too soon. I would have 2 months to pull it all together at this point and we’d have less funds to work with. (we’ve committed to not go into debt for this event)
Canceling all together, taking a breather and then figuring out a plan to elope. FH is also not in favor of this idea. He feels like I am allowing all of this to rob us of our day, the way that we wanted it to be.
At the end of the day, I think we’re going to have to compromise our hopes for our day anyway. I just want to have as little stress as possible and more than anything, I don’t want to have a big pit in my stomach and pain in my heart on what is supposed to be a happy day.
Any advice would be much appreciated.