Post # 1
I only just got engaged last night but i have been planning this wedding in my head for quite a while (as you do lol) and me and my FI both decided long ago that we would have no bridal party because he has no friends (hes very shy and lost contact with his school friends and works alone a lot) and he has no family that he feels very close to so even though i have two sisters and a few good friends we decided no bridal party. simple. until now =/
As soon as he asked i knew i wanted my friend i will call her denise, i was a maid of honour in her wedding two years ago, we met in college both have children the same age and when she announced her engagement i was over the moon, as soon as she asked me to be MOH i jumped at it and helped her plan things and got excited about details that went over everybody elses heads i made her so happy and now when its my turn i get nothing.
It was late at night when FI asked me and i didnt want to call her incase i woke her hubby (hes in the army and gets up at 5am for a run every day) so i texted her and told her the good news, i didnt even get a congratulations just a ‘oh so he finally asked then?’ i was quite hurt by that but i didnt let her know, i thought it was late and maybe she was tired but then today she wasnt happy for me either, she just turns the conversation back to her the whole time, shes pregnant again and knows im desperate for another baby but i want to be married first and she talks about it a lot, im very happy for her i love her so much that i could never not be happy about major steps in her life but she knows how much i want one and isnt sensitive to that at all.
I feel like if she cant even be happy for me when im engaged which i have wanted for so long then she wont be a very good BM or MOH and i would rather have my sisters instead but i know she will argue with me about it. I realy feel strongly about having some girls up there with me but i dont know how to handle this situation, Its gonna be a tiny wedding btw only 60 people. any advice?
Post # 3
You could go back to your plan of going without but there is a lot of emotion in getting engaged. Maybe let this settle out for a few days before you make this decision. Maybe she’s having an off day or you’re being more sensitive than you might be in another situation. Sit on it for a while.
Oh and CONGRATS!
Post # 4
@sapphirecupcake: Wait. I don’t understand. You are not having a bridal party. This girl isn’t excited for you. Is there a connection I’m missing? What is the question? Do you think she’s upset because you’re not having a bridal party and so you’re thinking of having one just to appease her? Cause… don’t. She’s already not being a good friend, making her MOH isn’t gonna change her selfishness.
Post # 5
I think you have two issues going on. One is you find, after all, that you do want to have bridesmaids, and the other is Denise doesn’t seem to be happy for you. There’s no way you’ll know what she is thinking other than to ask her. As for the first problem, I’ve always felt that it’s not the standing next to you that matters, it’s the support you get along the way. can you have “bridesmaids” who help you plan, dress shop, support you, but do not stand up next to you at the wedding or sit with you at a special table? I completely understand how he might feel lonely since he isn’t aving anyone standing up next to him, but that shouldn’t stop you from your friends be a part of your special day.
Post # 6
@MexiPino: sorry i should have mentioned we hadnt told anybody about the no bridalparty thing it was just discussed between FI and i but i really do want a bridesmaid or two and i always pictured her next to me and helping me plan things but with her not being excited for me i dont think i want her there =/ its true she could be having an off day but as a friend a congratulations was all i was looking for.
I wouldnt make her a BM or MOH just to keep her happy but i think she would argue with me or de-friend me if i dont have her as part of my wedding which would be terrible and so childish but its something i can see happening sadly.
we could go back to no BM at all and then nobody gets offended but i really dont want nobody if you get me?
Post # 7
I dont really understand this thread or the grammar in it. Do you or do you not want a bridal party? Also, you are upset bc she didnt say the exact word “congratulations?” Everyone is different and I am not a hyper person that gets excited about much either but that doesnt make her a bad friend.
Post # 8
@gelaine22: I want a bridal party, my FI doesn’t. Last night when i mentioned it he said i can have whatever i want if i want BM then i can have them so i thought about having denise but she didnt offer any sort of happy comment it doesnt have to be that exact word but just a simple smiley face would have been great. Instead she just complained about her life (pregnancy problems which i listen to all day every day and offer my support all the time and shes having a rough time with baby #2 so i help as much as i can). She likes to be the centre of attention and i think that because i wasnt asking about her life for 5 minutes she wasnt happy and even after we talked about her for over an hour today there was still nothing mentioned about me and my wedding.
I understand nobody will ever be as excited as me and my FI but i expected more from her and now im upset.
Post # 9
@sapphirecupcake: I wouldnt want her as my bridesmaid if it means that much to you. I think you should read the many bridesmaid threads and usually it is obvious from the beginning that the person should not be picked as a bridesmaid. I’m sorry her response wasnt what you wanted but think ahead….will she do anything you may want or expect from her?
Post # 10
I think you should either come to terms with the fact that you’re not going to have a bridal party, or discuss the issue again with your FI in hopes you can come up with a compromise.
Emotion can’t be expressed perfectly in text messages, so I could see myself replying the same way she did, with no ill intention. Also, pregnant women are just as absorbed into their own little world, if not more so, than women like us, who are engaged to be married. This is because we’re all insanely happy and excited for the life changes to come. She probably didn’t realize she put a damper on your mood by turning the conversation to herself, some people are just like that.
Don’t let it get you down, though, enjoy the post-engagement happy glow and CONGRATULATIONS!
Post # 11
@gelaine22: I agree, i just wanted to get another perspective, thanks for the imput x