Post # 1
Yesterday my DH found out that our photographer’s wife (our wedding was in September) committed suicide this past Friday. We’re both still in a good bit of shock over this. DH actually went to college with this guy, they knew each other casually, and we were so excited when he turned out to be the same photographer who was highly recommended when we started searching for someone to shoot our wedding. In addition, the photographer’s mother and DH’s aunt are best friends, so MIL keeps in touch with her pretty regularly.
I told DH that I feel we should send a card to him at the very least. DH thinks this will be weird, even though he agrees that he’s just as shocked and we feel terribly as he is such a great guy…. Would it be awkward for us to send a sympathy card to him, even though we haven’t kept in touch directly?
Post # 3
I think that DH is right. I would think it to be a little strange as well.
Post # 4
I don’t think it would be weird – it’s a really nice gesture. It would be more weird if you knew this happened and did nothing. I don’t think you need to send flowers or anything, but a card would be really nice.
Post # 5
Yes yes yes. DEFINITELY send a card. At times like this, too many people pull away. A card is a kind and non-invasive gesture that says, “We know, we’re sorry, and we care about you.”
Post # 6
I agree, I think a card is a nice gesture. You’re acknowledging his loss but not being invasive about it.
Post # 7
Or send some flowers. They convey your feelings without having to put forth awkward words.
Post # 8
Oh, that’s terrible! Yes, I’d definitely send some sign of sympathy, either a card or flowers, depending on which you’re more comfortable with.
Post # 9
A card and some flowers would be an incredibly nice gesture IMO. He is grieving and it would be nice to know that you and your DH thought of him in his time of need. Put yourself in his shoes.
Post # 10
Oh, that is just horrible. I would send a card. He has to be in terrible shock and knowing others are thinking of him could really help, it’s little kindnesses that really touch others. And it’s not like you have no connections, esp if your mother-in-law keeps in touch with his family.
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s weird at all. Definitely send a card. I’m sure it would be nice for him to know people are thinking about him in this hard time.
Post # 11
I think you can never go wrong by sending a card. It is probably one of the most difficult times in his life, and it is nice to send him nice wishes during this time.
When my dad died two girls that I hadn’t seen or talked to in 5 years came to the visitation. It was so touching. They had seen the announcement in the newspaper. One of the only happy memories I have of that time.
Post # 12
Flowers and/or card is a nice gesture that shows him you are supporting him in his time of grief.
Post # 13
I would aim for a “We’re thinking of you at this difficult time” card instead of the ones that start with “With our sympathies.” I know it sounds like there’s not a huge difference, but when you recieve a ton of them in the mail, the “With our sympathies” starts to sound really trite and like the person doesn’t actually care.
Personally, after my grandpa died we all hated seeing those cards come in the mail. I would send a more general one and maybe enclose a $25 gift card to a take out restaurant so he won’t have to worry about a meal or two. It’s really nice of you to do this, though.
Post # 14
I see both sides of this, and I think you should definitely send him a card. Suicide evokes strong emotions that no one wants to think or talk about. . . and in some cases, people tend to brush it aside. Regardless of how she died, by sending him a card, it shows you care and are thinking about him in this difficult time.
Post # 15
@jo.lee: @Waves2: these ladies hit it on the head.
No matter HOW she died (though suicide is really horrible, but there’s other horrible ways to die, too…. just ask any farmer…), a card or flowers is really nice.
Where I live, it’s also common for people to bring fixed meals so the family doesn’t have to worry about cooking. I wouldn’t go that far, but a gift card to a restaurant (with take-out) is really nice.