(Closed) Not sure what to do..

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that DH is right.  I would think it to be a little strange as well.

Post # 4
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think it would be weird – it’s a really nice gesture.  It would be more weird if you knew this happened and did nothing.   I don’t think you need to send flowers or anything, but a card would be really nice.

Post # 5
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes yes yes. DEFINITELY send a card. At times like this, too many people pull away. A card is a kind and non-invasive gesture that says, “We know, we’re sorry, and we care about you.”

Post # 6
Member
2384 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree, I think a card is a nice gesture. You’re acknowledging his loss but not being invasive about it. 

Post # 7
Member
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Or send some flowers. They convey your feelings without having to put forth awkward words.

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh, that’s terrible! Yes, I’d definitely send some sign of sympathy, either a card or flowers, depending on which you’re more comfortable with.

Post # 9
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

A card and some flowers would be an incredibly nice gesture IMO. He is grieving and it would be nice to know that you and your DH thought of him in his time of need. Put yourself in his shoes.Smile

Post # 10
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh, that is just horrible. I would send a card. He has to be in terrible shock and knowing others are thinking of him could really help, it’s little kindnesses that really touch others. And it’s not like you have no connections, esp if your mother-in-law keeps in touch with his family.

 

Post # 10
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it’s weird at all.  Definitely send a card.  I’m sure it would be nice for him to know people are thinking about him in this hard time.

Post # 11
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I think you can never go wrong by sending a card.  It is probably one of the most difficult times in his life, and it is nice to send him nice wishes during this time.

When my dad died two girls that I hadn’t seen or talked to in 5 years came to the visitation.  It was so touching.  They had seen the announcement in the newspaper.  One of the only happy memories I have of that time.

Post # 12
Member
4372 posts
Honey bee

Flowers and/or card is a nice gesture that shows him you are supporting him in his time of grief.

Post # 13
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would aim for a “We’re thinking of you at this difficult time” card instead of the ones that start with “With our sympathies.” I know it sounds like there’s not a huge difference, but when you recieve a ton of them in the mail, the “With our sympathies” starts to sound really trite and like the person doesn’t actually care. 

Personally, after my grandpa died we all hated seeing those cards come in the mail. I would send a more general one and maybe enclose a $25 gift card to a take out restaurant so he won’t have to worry about a meal or two. It’s really nice of you to do this, though.

Post # 14
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I see both sides of this, and I think you should definitely send him a card. Suicide  evokes strong emotions that no one wants to think or talk about. . . and in some cases, people tend to brush it aside. Regardless of how she died, by sending him a card, it shows you care and are thinking about him in this difficult time.

Post # 15
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jo.lee: @Waves2: these ladies hit it on the head.

No matter HOW she died (though suicide is really horrible, but there’s other horrible ways to die, too…. just ask any farmer…), a card or flowers is really nice.

Where I live, it’s also common for people to bring fixed meals so the family doesn’t have to worry about cooking.  I wouldn’t go that far, but a gift card to a restaurant (with take-out) is really nice.  

 

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