Post # 1
Hi encore bees,
I have been spending time here mostly in the Rings forum, as my FI proposed to me back in May, and we are now ring shopping. But also we are discussing what kind of wedding to have.
We are early 40s and it’s a second marriage for each of us. We have decided we probably don’t want to do the whole ceremony with guests thing, but rather get married privately and then throw a fairly casual party for family and friends later. We are thinking an outdoor picnic type of thing in the summer. This part I get.
What I don’t know much about is, what should we do for our wedding? I see people elope, or have a JOP wedding…. I’m confused and overwhelmed!
How did you ladies get started with planning this type of thing? I have a while to think about it though, as we are long distance at the moment, and will have a long engagement of about 2 years.
So where did you start? Help!
Post # 3
The freedom of an encore bride is a beautiful thing. You get to do what you and your SO want. I got married at 19 because my BF and I were living together, both Catholic and it was the 70s. Were the shame of our families so we got married to make everyone happy. Turns out he was bi-polar and 3 years later we fell apart. At 24 I married a man I though was stable and low key. Determined not to “fail” at a second marriage, I lived with a passive/aggressive a-hole who hates women, and basically sucked the soul out of me. But we had 2 children and so I stayed for 25 yrs.Separated for almost a year & divorced the day I turned 50. Subsequently met a younger man (I’m currently 53, he’s 38 in 2 weeks) and we just got married on July 20th.
The point of all this history is prior to this I did what everyone else wanted. This marriage was exactly what we wanted. 8 of us, including my 16 yr old daughter & DH’s parents, spent a week in the Bahamas and got married on the beach. Sunset champagne sail followed, then dinner in a great restaurant. Next week we’re having a casual party here at home for 50 people. perfect! Do whatever you both want! Plan as much or as little! Revel in being happy!
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Go to your local library and flip through the general wedding planning books.
A jutice of the peace (JOP) wedding is typically a courthouse wedding where you go in to the local courthouse, apply for your license, and get married right then (or after a short waiting period in some states.)
Eloping can involve a JOP wedding or it can be a destination type wedding where you plan ahead and buy a package for just you and the groom. For example, I live Florida and a lot of brides and grooms buy beach wedding packages which start at around $500 and typically include the marriage license, an officiant to perform a ceremony on the beach, flowers, cake, and photography. Eloping somewhere or going to the JOP and then throwing a regular party a few days or weeks later should cut down on the wedding markup for a lot of the party costs.
I agree the best part of being an encore bride is relaxing and doing it the way you and your FH want without a worry about anybody else. I would be eloping somewhere by it’s my FH’s first wedding so he wants it to be a bit more traditional. We compromised so we’re currently planning a casual, intimate beach wedding with around 50 guests and catering in BBQ.
Post # 5
We are both getting married for the 2nd time, although we are in our mid-30’s. He has Triplets, and I have one daughter. We had originally planned an outdoor wedding, but eventually decided we really just wanted it to be a day for us (our parents live out of state).
We are having a courthouse wedding. The civil clerk will marry us, on the gorgeous spiral staircase. He are still dressing up, getting flowers, and having a professional photographer. We are having cupcakes afterword.
Two weeks after, we are having a picnic reception at a local park. Not only has it been cost-effective, but it’s the wedding I truly want to have. I can’t imagine a better way to start off our life together.
Post # 6
Oh the possibiliites are overwhelming! It is exciting, isn’t it? I too, have to say, I had the wedding my mom wanted since I was her only daughter. That’s not to say I didn’t like the wedding I had, but I felt I was doing it for family. I remember saying to her once I was engaged, “maybe we will elope” and she said “oh no you aren’t, you are my only daughter and I want a wedding in the church with the white dress and all” and then she took over 2/3 of the invite list hahahaha!
Is it bad of me to say that I want strassed shoes and a brooch boquet even if we go to the JOP? lol. Those are two things I found here that I love! 🙂
Post # 7
Well, we chose to elope. We both had a “traditional” wedding the first time, so this time around it was just about US! And I always loved the idea of sneaking away to get married! Since my family had already seen me get married and participated in the first wedding, I didn’t feel bad about doing this on our own.
And you know what? I TOTALLY would elope again! Best experience ever! No hassle, no fuss, and it was done with our tastes in mind and was quite beautiful.
I’m 38, he’s 36 and neither of us have children. While I’m sure our families would have loved to have been there, I think they are just happy we found someone we love (since both of us had cheating ex-spouses that made our lives miserable).
Best of luck to you!
Post # 8
@squishee: Even if you do an elopement, you can still have those things! I had a bouqet (I made it in the hotel room the night before from grocery store floral dept. flowers, ribbon and and old antique brooch I had). I had little touches here and there that were “traditional” even though we weren’t having a full-out wedding. Go for it! Strass your shoes girl!
Post # 9
@squishee: If you want strassed shoes and brooch bouquet then have them. It’s your day!
Post # 10
I’ve been married twice before. The first time at 16, and the second time at.24 to a physically, and mentally abusive man. My FI is 39 and never been married. While I wanted to go to Vegas and elope, he was stuck on a traditional wedding. In his own words, “I’m only doing this once, and I want to do it right”. So in 89 days we’re doing the whole formal affair. Church wedding, flower girls, wedding party, formal reception, honeymoon and all. It’s costing way more then I wanted to spend, but it’s pretty exciting. I’ve been married twice, but I’ve never had a real wedding…….both times we grabbed a marriage license and said some vows real quick. So it’s pretty spectacular for me, that at 41 and the 3rd time around it feels like the first. Well you know what they say, 3rd times a charm =).
Post # 11
I’m an encore bride but my FI isn’t. We’re eloping 1 1/2 hours from our house. We’re taking a long weekend – Thurs thru Sunday – and getting married that Friday. We’re hiring an officiant to marry us in a bird sanctuary in the mountains. We’re having massages that morning, shopping for flowers, making the bouquet and bout, a cake and sparkling cider, a professional photographer to capture the day, and dinner afterwards, Then in January we’re taking a cruise as our honeymoon and having a reception for family and friends sometime in the Spring.
The great thing about eloping is that you can do anything you want without worrying about the opinions of others.
Post # 12
We’re both second time around so a lot of pressure is off… thank God!
We both had fairly small weddings before and, I have to admit, I didn’t have the wedding I wanted, In retrospect it was probably because I shouldn’t have been getting married at 24. Either way, it wasn’t a quick marriage; both my now SO and I were married for over 10 years.
This time around I’m doing exactly what I want, which just happens to be what he wants too. We’re having about 80 guests at a beautiful venue in downtown Ottawa, ceremony at the same site. My MOH is my daughter(20) and my son(22) is walking me down the aisle. SO’s best friend is his best man. My dress is pink and it is a bridal gown (I cringe when I see my old wedding photos because my mum picked out my dress and it was awful.)
After that, we just want to have fun and enjoy the evening with our loved ones.
Do what you want to do and simply enjoy yourselves….because this time, hopefully, will be the last time 🙂
Post # 13
The true beauty of being an encore bride, is doing what you want…there is nothing better than that. My FI has never been married and I didn’t get the wedding I wanted the first time, my grandmother pretty much dictated how to do it, I was 20, he was 22, This time I’m having a dinner, and reception, and music. Everything all in one place, I wore my mothers gown the first time, and this time, my gown is purple, And yes, it’s very exciting to know that I’m going to marry my best friend and nobody is dictating what it’s going to be like, except for us!!
Post # 14
We decided how much we wanted to spend and went from there. It took about a month to get our rings in, his came in the wrong color at first. It took over a month for me to find a dress I liked that I could afford. 3-4 weeks to pick out the flowers. We had a lot to do it and it is a simple wedding. That being said it is about us, simple and fun. One week I will marry the love of my life, 37 years late.
Post # 15
We eloped. We had a destination wedding just the two of us. So I had a beautiful wedding dress, a bouquet. He wore a tux and bout. We had a beautiful wedding at a bed & breakfast that had an elopement package. It was absolutely perfect. No pressure, just the two of us. We had wedding cake, a first toast, and then went out for a romantic dinner that night.
The wonderful thing about being an encore bride is you can have everything you want without the fuss and without having to please anyone except the two of you. We had a perfect day with all the bells and whistles that I wanted, but it was still extremely intimate. I honestly would not change a thing about it.
So maybe check into some elopement packages at a B&B somewhere that the two of you have never gone. Make it special and unique for the two of you. Later you can have something to celebrate with your family and friends. That’s what we did, and it was so much less stressful than the first time was!