Post # 1
I was planning on having my wedding this Novemeber in the community where my mother lives so it would be easy for her to attend. Two weeks ago she passed away. The last conversation I had with here was finalizing the guest list for save the date cards. I know I want to get married but everytime I even think about the wedding I start crying. I’m not even sure if we can use the site my mom paid for or even if we want to now (since you have to live in the community to rent the site and it is 2 hours away from our friends). Her friends have all volunteered to help if we keep the site or choose one close by, but it feels wierd even talking about the wedding now. Should we postpone the wedding or just wait a while to come to grips with the emotions? Most of the main parts of the wedding my mom and I planned but there is still a lot of DIY projects we were planning on doing together.
Post # 3
First of all, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know this must be a devastating time for you. However you go forward depends entirely on how you feel, so it’s a bit difficult to give advice. You should do whatever feels right. If you want to move forward with the same wedding, I think it would be a great way to honor your mother’s memory. She was obviously excited about the wedding since you two were working on it together, and incorporating your joint products and elements that she knew about or helped with could be a wonderful way to make you feel like a bit of her is still there. But if this is too difficult emotionally, I’m sure everyone would understand. I’m sure your friends and family all want you to do whatever makes you happy. Maybe you can take some more time to process everything and feel out your instincts on how to move forward? Again, I’m so sorry for your loss and I’ll be thinking of you.
Post # 4
I’m so so incredibly sorry for your loss. As someone who is trying to plan a wedding without a mother, I completely feel for you. I’m just over three years from losing my mom and I still find myself overcome with emotion almost every day.
My advice would be to do what is best for YOU. If this is going to be too much to handle, you should postpone it. Everyone will understand, I promise you this. I wouldn’t recommend going through with it right now simply because of logistics. As much as I tried to keep myself busy to help keep my mind off my mom’s passing, I’d say that allowing yourself time to grieve might be the most important and healthy thing you can do for yourself right now.
Post # 5
I’m very, very sorry for your loss. I know how devastating this can be. I, too, am planning my wedding without my mom. She died almost 20 years ago but since getting engaged I cry every other day at the thought of her not being here. My advice to you is to listen to your heart (and gut) and do what is best for you. If that means postponing it or changing venues, do it. You have to take care of yourself during this difficult time. And I agree with kztlwedding that you need to allow yourself time to grieve and accept that there is no timeline to grief. You have to let the process happen. Good luck to you, sweetie. Please feel free to pm if you want to talk.
Post # 6
My cousin lost her mom 4 months before her wedding out of the blue and she was trying to decide whether or not to cancel it and this is what I told her: Your mom helped you plan parts of your wedding so go through with it, instead of thinking of it as a bad thing you could try think of those things as special because she helped you pick them out. My heart breaks for you but I think you should think what your mom would want and you know she would want you to go through with your wedding. *hugs*
Post # 7
I just want to say that I am so very sorry for your loss.
Post # 8
I am so sorry for your loss. (hugs) My advice is to do what is best for you and what your mom would want you to do. She’ll always be there with you in spirit.
Post # 9
I’m sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be.
If it is too difficult possibly postpone the wedding. If you do can you keep the same location and just ask for a different date? It sounds like she was very excited for you and if I were you I’d try to keep everything that you planned together the same. Possibly wait a little longer to think it through before coming to a decision.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone for the advise. After having sometime to come to grips with emotions and talking with my bridemaids we are going to continue with the wedding as planned. It is mainly planned already and it will feel more like she is there. My moms friends are really being supportive on filling in the gap for advise but not being overly pushy. One of her friends is even going to crochet the shawl that my mom was going to make for me (but only had the time to pick out the yarn). Looking through my moms stuff she had already made a lot for the wedding (a vase, magnets for the bridesmades, and a lighted cactus she painted for decorations). I feel very lucky that there will be parts of her at the wedding. In memory of her and my dad we are going to have a picture of them on their wedding day.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry.
I bumped up my wedding upon finding out that my father was terminally ill. Now there seems to be a cloud over the day as well.
But in the end, I think we will both have beautiful, heartfelt weddings. There won’t be a dry eye in the place, but that’s OK. Your mom will be there with you and you’ll laugh, cry, smile and LOVE your wedding day.
Sincerely, all the best.