Weddingbee boards

Is it a concern of yours that these might be current pictures?

It's also kind of strange that they are in a Word document.  I would be absolutely livid.  I probably would have reacted the same, and i think it's best to wait until you figure out what to say exactly, and him as well.  

I wish I had better advice...but i usually act pretty rash when it comes to things like this :/

First, I'm sorry that this happened. No matter how or why it's awful to see your SO in photos like that even if it's from before you were together.

I've moved files from one computer to another before and all I do is grab folders and start moving them. I rarely go in doc by doc and check each one. He may honestly have forgotten about it and just grabbed and moved the whole thing. I mean if he knows you guys share a computer you'd think he wouldn't move that particular file over, you know?

I had something similar happen to me.  One of my FIs exs has the same name as me, we bought a new computer and each moved files across to it.  I was searching for something specific and used my name in the search.  Then found a folder of photos of the two of them together.  I was so pissed off.  I stewed on it for a few days, and kept going back to see if the folder was still there.  Finally I exploded all over him.

We had a really long talk, and he told me that he moved a heaps of folders across.  And it was a folder inside a folder inside a folder that he had totally forgotten about.  And I believed him, and he deleted them.

My advice to you is to talk to him to see if it was an innocent mistake.  Let him know how upset you are and let him be totally honest with you.

Good luck.

I have old pictures of my ex's on my computer.  IF i moved things over i would just move everything not knowing.  

You shoudl discuss it with him, it could be an honest mistake. He will probably admit he didnt know they were there and delete them. 

I guess it looks like I'm the exception here...but how do you forget about pictures or files like that on your computer?

@KateByDesign:  I totally agree... even if he moved stuff over en masse not knowing, he should've deleted pics like that to begin with, I don't see how he could have forgotten about them.  If there was even the remotest possibility you'd see them, even on his old computer, he should have deleted them.  You can give him the benefit of the doubt now and ask him to delete them, but it's a pretty boneheaded move on his part to not have already.

This is tricky. Yeah, I think you need to say something, and I can understand why you would be hurt. And if he's looking at them on a regular basis -- then, yeah, something's a bit amiss.

I think when you bring it up, you need to go with a more neutral but still baffled "Honey, why are these on the computer that we share?!" Also, I would look to see what the file architecture is. In what folder does he have it stored? You should also be able to see the last time that it was edited -- he could be looking, not editing, and closing it down, to be sure, but sometimes people accidentally hit the space bar or whatever and save it.

I would be pissed if he had those on a shared computer, but I would also be willing to believe that they just came along in a backup. I think that I'm probably in the minority on this, but I would actually probably not demand that my SO delete them entirely, although I would want them the heck off the shared computer (and I sure wouldn't MIND if he deleted them). They're part of his history (albeit one I wouldn't want him dwelling on all the time), but I know that I have a cache of love letters and mementoes from my ex. Not because I'm still in love with him or anything, but because it was a big important part of my past. As long as your sex life is OK, I would try not to make this a Waterloo. Just my two cents!

@delirium.megans:  I believe that I did say that I would likely be in the minority here. :-) I figure that my FI probably has a few shots of him and his ex somewhere on his computer. If I thought that he was looking at them all the time, or if our sex life was suffering, I would be concerned. And like the OP, if we shared a machine and he moved them on there, I'd be pissed -- it's like leaving your porn out in public, it shows a lack of awareness and discretion. But as long as they were mementos and not something being gazed at all the time, I think I'd be OK with it. I'm not suggesting that the OP has to be OK with it, just providing a different perspective that might help the OP feel better about things, since her relationship probably isn't in dire trouble just because of the existence of the pictures.

If you say you guys have a great relationship and the pictures are old I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he moved a mass dump of files and they were just in there and he forgot about the pics.  I needed a USB drive and my FI had a couple and he gave me one and said... that thing is old I have no idea what's on there so don't get mad... HA! And I didn't even look around because I didn't want to see anything that was before me because it wasn't my business and I understood that he wasn't going to go through every file on his USB's/computer and delete things.

well... if i copied them over to your computer, knowing you might come across them because it's YOUR computer... he probably didn't even know they were there and accidentally copied them. he may have forgotten about them.

@deathbydesign:  I totally understand that that's your line -- and a line that many people may have. It's obviously one that the OP has, and I can't imagine that she wouldn't ask her SO to delete the pics, since she had such an intense reaction. I respect her right to feel that way, and I hope that everything works out smoothly for them.

However, I also defend my right -- and the rights of others -- to say something along the lines of, "Eh, whatever, you're with me now, just don't keep 'em on the desktop -- because oh my GOD, I cannot believe you thought that haircut was a good idea when you were 25." :-)

I'm going to bow out of this thread now, because I think I've made my point -- which is both supportive of the OP's feelings, while saying other people have different lines.

I definitely think it's likely the photos could have been moved over when he transferred everything to the new computer. Especially if it was in a Word document - it seems more likely that one would scour through their photo files to delete any old/questionable stuff but not necessarily Word documents. I mean...maybe she created the Word document with the pics way back when and sent it to him and he didn't even realize it was saved.

After I broke up with my ex, I spent HOURS going through pics and deleting him (they weren't naughty, I just didn't want them) and months later, I still found photos that had somehow hidden themselves.

That being said, I can understand the yucky feeling in your stomach that you must have had, I'd feel horrible to come across something like that.

Give him the opportunity to explain and delete and try to let it go.

I wish before you'd given it to him, you would have looked at the document properties to see when it was created and also when it was last modified and accessed. All you have to do is right click it before you open the file. Of course YOU last accessed it but you could have seen when it was created and modified last!