Post # 1
My last post http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/help-not-sure-how-to-handle-soon-to-be-mother-in-law I thought that if i just got together with my Future Mother-In-Law we would finally talk about the wedding and all would be well. However, my Future Mother-In-Law and I never got together. I’ve been talking about getting together with her for a little over a month now and she is yet to make it happen. She always says she’s going to “check her calendar and get back to me” but never does. I’ve called and texted her, but she has yet to follow through. She’s still nice to me when i see her for our weekly family dinners at her house. Although she keeps the conversation very superficial (about what she is cooking or the weather) Should I keep asking her to get together? I’m totally confused and have no idea what is going on or how to communicate with her if she doesnt want to. Any ideas on what to do?
Post # 3
@MissMeeksy: At this point, I would stop making the effort. It seems like she just isn’t interested. Maybe she isn’t into weddings or maybe she is afraid she may somehow overstep her boundaries. Just continue planning and continue being kind to her. If she tries to make a fuss later remind her of all the times you tried to contact her and she never responded.
Post # 4
Could you start inviting her to *specific* events? For example…. I am going to a tasting on Saturday at 11am – I’d love you to go with me. What time should I pick you up?” Or something similar. She may not be comfortable with abstract…which would lend itsself to more superficialness on her part in general.
Will FI’s parents be contributing finanically? If they will be paying for the rehearsal dinner…. start going to lunch at a prospective venue and ask her to go along.
She may not be comfortable planning a wedding. She may not know her boundaries or what you expect of her. If she has any anxiety at all, she may not be comfortable with a “come talk about planning” because even though it’s not vague to you…. it’s vague to her.
I would also probably have Fiance talk to her…. is she like this in general? Does he want you to take the bull by the horns? Etc Etc.
Post # 5
Maybe I’m old, or old-fashioned, or both, but I never really expected the groom’s parents to be involved in wedding planning. None of my friend’s MIL’s had any involvement in their weddings other than providing their guest list and hosting the rehearsal dinner. My Mother-In-Law wasn’t involved in mine, I don’t remember having a single discussion with her about any of our selections. It doesn’t mean they aren’t interested or excited for you, but I think it just in older generations it is expected that the bride’s parents host the wedding and therefore make all the plans/decisions. I wouldn’t be offended and unless you are really dying to include her (and be careful what you wish for here, because adding another opinion isn’t always a good thing when it comes to planning weddings). But maybe start talking to her about the rehearsal dinner, guest lists, and the like to see if she takes an interest in planning that.
Post # 6
Thank you guys so much for your input. I think culturally I am just having to adapt to the differences. I am hispanic and he is not. Usually families come together to plan weddings, but I can’t really expect her to know how I feel if I dont bring it up.