(Closed) Not sure what to say….

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would remind him that most leases are for an entire year unless you know definitely it’s a month-to-month lease.  Other than that, I’m not really sure how to go about it.  Just discuss your feelings with him, but remind him that you support him no matter what decision he makes.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree with PP.  Let him know honestly what your concerns are but that even if he makes a decision that you may not agree with that he has your support.  Hey this is a great lesson for marriage.  There will be many times in your life together where decisions need to be made about how to handle life.  The way you handle this will set a future tone for those events.  Be honest with him but let him know if we disagree we will still support one another.  As far as the concern about the ring, maybe another family member can take care of it for awhile.  Bottom line – love him through this.  It will all work out.

Post # 6
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why can’t u just get engaged and THEN he can move in? If it is of too much concern, then he can sleep in the living room, etc. Or in a spare bedroom. Just be TRUE TO YOURSELF through it all. You don’t have to explain to the outside world that you are or aren’t having sex or whatever. It’s none of their business. Only yours.

I say, get engaged and then move in together. He will save money, you will save sanity. It’s a win-win.

EDIT: Plus if a cpl is engaged to be married, it’s a LOT LESS taboo to be living together for the ‘others’ anyway….

Post # 7
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@happy2bee: That seems appropriate to me.  It doesn’t seem overbearing and simply gives your input.  Good luck and keep us updated.

Post # 8
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with Sash2011 just get engaged(since he already has the ring anyway and then move in together even if he stays in a seperate bedroom. If you are waiting for marriage you can live together and still wait and its no one’s business! 

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I want to say that I think your e-mail to him was perfect.  You made what my fi and I call a “Statment Sandwich”  Started with the good points, gave the honest truth about your concerns  then followed by good points again.  He now knows your feelings and knows you will support him regardless.  Good job.

As far as the “get engaged so you can live together”.  I know I am in the minority on this, but I think you are brave and doing yourself a great service by waiting until your are married to live together.  I am older and have a 23 year child, my FI has 3 girls 26 to 32.  We grew up in the 60’s and 70’s when living together was hip and cool and yes very frowned upon (he was a virgin on his wedding day, I was the rebel and lived with my boyfirend before marriage) After we both had failed marriages and being older we were terrified at the idea of trying marriage again.  So we moved in together.  When we got engaged and spoke to the pastor at our church we were honest with him and told him we live together.  He respected our honesty and requested that we try celebacy until the marriage.  It had been since June, it has not been easy but the rewards we have seen in our level of comunication are unbelieveable.  I was shocked to notice things like how we had both gotten used to sex as a means conflict resolution.  Even (i hate to say it) but as recreation.  We now are forced to spend more time talking, having fun in old fashioned ways, just dating.  It is still difficult and there are times when I have to walk away and remind him – December 2 baby, December 2nd!! 

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