Post # 1
I am new here (very first post!)
So, here’s my story:
Engaged to current fiance for 3.5 years, already planned to get married 3 times (sickness and a cousins wedding clash were the reasons that the first two didn’t go ahead) The third time, things looked promising – however it wasn’t to be. FH and I had a huge fight which resulted in the wedding being called off for a short time. We also found out that I was pregnant that same week. (I already had 2 children from a previous relationship, and FH already had 1 child together) We decided a few weeks later that we would go ahead as we originally planned (at that point, the wedding was still 6 months away).
So in amongst the fighting, FH and I had both spoken to our parents, and in those few weeks, both of our mothers had made other plans for the weekend that we were to get married. Our venue was booked and fully paid for, no refunds. The specific date had been chosen for spiritual reasons, and most importantly I was pregnant with my fourth child, it meant SO SO SO much to me to be married before the baby was born…and well….you get the picture…It didn’t go ahead.
My own mother booked herself a nice long cruise that ensured she would be away for the weekend of our wedding, and Future Mother-In-Law arranged for the majority of FH family to go to a scottish highlands games weekend. They aren’t even scottish! But, according to her, ‘they couldnt possibly alter their plans’. The worst part about it was that when she was told on 3 separate occasions by both her son, and me, she failed to tell anyone else about and instead chose to keep it a secret. (cat’s out of the bag now, but she has never said a word to me about it)
I am exhaustipated over this wedding…literally too tired to give a sh*t anymore. I am so heartbroken over how everyone has acted and made me feel that this wedding is nothing more than an inconvience to them, that its just not worth it. I can’t seem to get past the grief that I feel over it not going ahead. I guess I have planned too many weddings that have never happened (3 to my ex-fiance, too) – I just can’t seem to find the drive to plan another one, and feel a bit like the only option is to slink away and getting married on our own, if we are going to get married at all. All I know is that whatever happens, we won’t be having the celebration that I had always hoped for.
Sorry for the novel, thanks for sticking with me for this long! I’d appreciate hearing someone else’s thoughts on this, I feel like I am going a bit crazy.
Post # 3
You can elope!!! Go to Hawaii, buy a wedding package where they’ll do everything for you and get married and have your honeymoon then and there. I recommend some thought to if you really want to marry your SO. I know fights happen but you want to resolve those issues before talking about marriage. I hope things work out in a low-stress way!
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re feeling so hurt by your family’s actions. I think you should try to cut them some slack though. If I’m reading right, this is the 4th time you’re telling them you’re getting married to you FH and 7th time ever. Why not make it an intimate wedding of just you, FH, and your kids? You can even do it on the same date.
Post # 5
@SummerSnow: I’m sorry to hear this. It sounds like it might be time to elope, honestly. Especially with another kid on the way.
I’m going to be straightforward here–I don’t think it’s fair to fault your families for moving on with their lives after they’d been told that the wedding was off. Yes, it sucks that they did it so soon. But breakups can be tough on the families involved, not just the couple, so maybe that’s why both families made other plans for that weekend (though I do wish that your mother had invited you on the cruise with her!). I get the sentimental importance of dates, but in reality that pales in comparison to the fact that you and your fiance are going to make this huge commitment to each other. Your lives are already so intertwined, it seems like marriage is just a formality at this point (and a promise to each other that you’ll stay together even during your next big fight).
If you’d like to marry each other on the significant date, go ahead and do it. If you want to celebrate with friends and family, you can have a reception at a later date. If your family being present at your wedding is more important to you than the date, maybe give up the venue and have a simple, intimate backyard wedding? Just throwing some ideas out there.
For what it’s worth, my mother (who has been legally married four separate times–three of which were to my father, but we won’t get into that) said that her best wedding by far was her simplest–done at a courthouse, without family present–because it was all about her and her husband and their vows to each other. I understand the desire to have your friends & family present for your day, but if it will be more stress and money than it’s worth, it is completely possible to have a no-frills wedding that is simple and meaningful. Good luck!
Post # 6
@SummerSnow: WOW this is awful! I would not love to be going through this right now! Big *hugs* to you!!
I would say your best option right now is to do a glam elopement session, look at these ones for inspiration…
I know tha a lot of bees on here would KILL to be able to elope! I know that is not the wedding you’ve planned (6 times! How do you do it?!) but it can truly be beautiful and the commitment is purely for you and Fiance to make – which I think is the bigges positive reading all of this – your wedding is off – but your FI loves you and is having a baby with you. It sounds like family might be the problem, not your gorgeous Fiance.
I hope something in this helps you. Sounds like you are an amazingly strong person already though 🙂 xxx
Post # 7
Wow so you have planned 6 weddings? I don’t believe in signs but jeez it may be time to elope.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
Go to disney and elope. Take just you and the kids. They have a memories package and your family will be together.You can have up to 8 total and it costs about 3000 I think. Right after the first of the year I believe they are offering some good deals.
We are doing something a little larger an escape package with a formal dinner, and epcot dessert fireworks party for 20.
Post # 9
@SummerSnow: I’m a bit more concerned about your relationship with your Fiance. A fight resulted in the third wedding being called off? Me and my husband fought leading up to the wedding, but nothing so dramatic that we stopped all plans to marry. That’s concerning. And from what you have posted, it doesn’t sound like this was an isolated incident, moreso that you continued to fight after that…
I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, your own mothers blowing off your wedding. But I kind of can’t blame them (sorry!). This was your 4th plan to marry in 3.5 years? They could have been thinking, “Yeah right… we’ll see.” Especially if you and your Fiance have such a volatile relationship.
Here’s what I would do – get yourselves into some premartial counseling, work through these issues, and when the time is right, elope. I understand it’s not the same, it’s not the celebration you always envisioned, and that sucks, no doubt about it. But at the end of the day, it’s about the commitment, not the party. So you guys have to do what’s best for you.
Post # 10
@SummerSnow: I’ll agree with a PP, how are things with your husband? If everything is fine at that end, then don’t worry about anything else. Just think that you are going to join your soul with your wonderful man and that God will always be present to bless your union. Go ahead with the plans, irrespective of who is or isn’t attending. Later on, you can renew your vows or throw a reception for all.
Post # 11
Thankyou to everyone for your replys – a few ideas that you’ve all come up with are certainly food for thought.
Things are fine with my FH now, and he’s truely sorry that he called the wedding off. I think the biggest problem here is that i’ve never had anything in my life celebrated – no birthdays, graduations, baby showers, and I was anticipating the wedding as the one time where I would be able to celebrate with family and feel at least a little bit important within the larger family group. Which is why I don’t particularly like the idea of eloping – it feels a little bit like saying ‘move right along people, nothing to see here’ But, it seems that that’s what it has been reduced to. I do like the idea of Disneyland with the kids, and I could include my father and his (second) wife. He’s always been supportive no matter whats been going on.
Thanks again everyone, I do appreciate it a lot.
Post # 12
Im so sorry your family are being so floozy about your wedding. We chose to elope& had a reception a few weeks later. It was the best decision ever and the best of both worlds. We had a beautiful intimate ceremony with NO FAMILY DRAMA and still got to do the father daughter dance etc and see all the family. It might be an option for you at this point – After you get some couples councelling for your relationship issues. i agree with PP that this is about a life-long commitment, not the party and fighting with your OH to the point he’d call off a wedding is NOT COOL. Hugs
Post # 13
@SummerSnow: I only skimmed your post. Sorry you are having these problems about The Wed-ding event. But I have to wonder: why create all of this angst over what is esentilally a party?
You can get married. Wedding. MArriage. Two different concepts.
You Fiance is your kid’s father. That’s what’s important here, not the Dres or the Party.
Post # 14
@SummerSnow: If the wedding means that much to you, then plan your wedding. But given the circumstances that led up to it, don’t be too surprised if people don’t attend. The most important thing at the end of the day is the commitment to your spouse. So don’t get too upset over friends/family not attending.
Good luck to you!
Post # 15
just a point of clarification, the wedding was temporarily called off about 12 month ago (was scheduled to happen in April 2012) We’ve been to counselling and sorted out our communication issues before the wedding was supposed to happen.