Post # 1
After months of sticking to the “Shut It Up” pact (and thinking it was a fairly effective strategy), I had a complete “waiting” meltdown in front of my BF today. It was like I couldn’t contain my frustration at having to wait any longer.
BF & I are going on a very romantic two-week vacation in August. We’ve discussed the fact that he will not be proposing there (it will likely be 6-12 months from now). However, any time I mention our trip to ANYONE – be it my manicurist, my coworker, or my best friend – I am constantly asked whether he’ll be proposing on our trip. Having to say no is a little depressing. Add this to the countless, “When are you getting engaged?!” questions I’ve gotten over the last few months, and it can be REALLY annoying.
Today I went to a party where I was one of the few unmarried guests, and no less than 7 people asked me about him proposing on our trip/when we were getting engaged. BF was at home sick, so I was left alone to deal with this. I had a sense of humor about it at first, but by the end of the party I was exhausted.
So when I got home, BF made a totally harmless marriage/commitment joke, and I started crying, which is TOTALLY not like me. I ended up pouring my heart out to him about how hard/frustrating/annoying the “waiting” can be and how sometimes it really gets to me and how ready I am to get married. I’m normally very level-headed and don’t get emotional easily, so he was really surprised. At first he was caught off-guard and thought I was mad at him, but then he listened and realized I was venting and hugged me and said he’s glad I told him. He said to be patient (which annoyed me a little, to be honest) and that I have nothing to worry about and that he really loves me and how happy he is and how glad he is that I told him how I felt. We’ve had conversations about marriage before, and we’ve discusssed rough timelines for getting engaged, but I’ve never really told him how I actually FELT about waiting for those milestones in our relationship/for him to be 100% ready to propose. He actually confessed that he’s been getting asked a lot lately too, which I didn’t know, but he’s much less sensitive to that type of thing than I am, so it doesn’t bother him much.
Still, part of me wishes that I would have just kept my frustrations to myself and is worried that he now feels pressured. The other part of me is glad he knows what I’m really going through though…ugh. Any input or advice?
Post # 3
Ugh I have definitely had those kinds of days. Luckily, like you, my SO is happy to talk it out and would rather have it all out in the open than have me bottle it up. Now that we’ve been together for six years it’s not such a big deal anymore – it’ll happen when it happens – but around the three-four year mark it was really tough for a while for me, emotionally. I made him feel pressured sometimes and that wasn’t a great dynamic, but he always told me he would rather know what I was feeling than keep something from him. I think this kind of communication is always good.
And it sounds like you are in a good place emotionally for this trip, otherwise. (Nothing ruins a vacation like that sneaky little thought in the back of your mind that it miiiiiight be this one.) I’m ashamed to say it took me a while to shut that up and be able to fully commit to enjoying myself and my relationship, engagement timeline completely aside. I don’t really have any other input or advice, just know you’re not alone. It sounds like you are with somebody who cares about you and your feelings, which is nothing to sneeze at. Enjoy your vacation together!
Post # 4
@Cinderella7: So it seems we have a lot in common. By your username I can tell, for one. I consider my FI my Prince Charming, and PC finially propsed to me this April. We too were going through what you’re going through, and just started getting into where all our friends were married off but we weren’t (and we’ve been together the longest). We dated for 7 years until he finally proposed, haha, which sort of sucks because I’ve always wanted a long engagement and by common law we’re already married, but I had to stick it out. I would cry a lot and think the most depressing thoughts, but my FI did the same thing your amazing BF did every time I had a melt down. It’s tough, girl, trust me, I know first hand, but the reward is soooo great. I cried and cried and cried when he finally proposed. It did sort of get to a point, though, where people who knew us the longest weren’t that happy about it and I got a lot of “It’s about time”‘s and that really sort of ruined the moment for me. One suggestion, if you think anybody close to you is going to be like that, wait a couple days after you’re engaged to tell them so it doesn’t put a damper on your awesome engagement! I bet he has something amazing planned for you and I hope you have better waiting days to come!
Post # 5
@Cinderella7: People always bug me about getting PREGNANT even though I’m not even engaged yet! That’s easy to brush off with “Are YOU going to pay for the WEDDING first?” . But I wonder why people don’t think about the fact that asking the woman when they are getting engaged isn’t helpful? I mean… if you’re going to pressure someone, shouldn’t it be the person who is WAY more likely to be the one to actually do the deed? It’s so rude.
Post # 6
You will get threw this!!:) Same thing happened to me. For like a year i felt like people we constently asking me that. I wasnt even that worried till people started being worried for me. They kept asking me if he doesnt propose in hawaii are you going to leave him?? im like what? that escalated quickly. Or “how long will you wait” im like well i guess hes not worth marrying if hes not worth waiting for right?Everything is going to be fine:) I have totally done that before..
Post # 7
@souza_2005: Oh I had people doing that to me, too! Like “Gosh, you’re STILL not engaged? How long are you going to wait for him?” and I’d have to remind them that I’m only 23 and he’s 21 (22 today) and we live with my mom. I don’t really want to be married and living with my mom, thank you very much.
Post # 8
Ugh. So sorry about how that party went! On the bright side, you were clear/open/honest with your BF, and it sounds like he heard you!
Post # 9