Not Taken Seriously Before Marriage article on HuffPo

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well that was insulting and onbixious.  It reminded me of those articles where women complain they can’t get ahead in life and people are mean to them because they are beautiful. 

If you’ve been dating for a long time, it’s only natural for people to ask when/if you’re going to get married.  I’m not sure how that equates to not being taken seriously.

And of course more people are going to talk to you.  You are planning a wedding, it’s an exciting time, and they now have something to talk to you about.  Plus, YOU WORK AT A BRILAL MAGAZINE of COURSE people are going to be more interested in you when you are actually planning a wedding.

I’d bet her being excluded/held back had more to do with her attitude and how she carried herself rather than the fact that she wasn’t engaged or married.

Post # 4
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

When people get divorced do they revert back to immaturity? Crazy.

Post # 6
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hmm, I don’t know. I’m not saying the article is completely accurate but there might be some truth to it. I’m 25 and my brother just turned 27 back in March. He got married in June 2011. I didn’t really see him as a real adult until he got married. Even though he had already graduated and landed a full-time job teaching music at an elementary school, I didn’t really see him as a “grown-up” until he got married. Weird, I know. 

Post # 7
Member
3415 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

I can sort of see her point.  I’m 32 and been living with my FI for 4 years.  We’ve been engaged for almost 3 years and have almost 2 more years to go before we marry.  I still get treated like I’m a kid in my family.  I’m constantly told that we need to “make a commitment” and “just get married”.  We live like we are already married and have for quite a while.  My younger children call him “dad”.  We just bought a house together.  I have several college degrees, a good paying job, a career I’m passionate about.  We go on family vacations together, we have a boat we are on several times a month during the summer….yet because I’m not married I feel like I’m the 11 year old still playing house.  Only instead of an imaginary husband and dolls I have a live in boyfriend and my own kids.

As far as my job, in previous jobs I was never looked down on because I wasn’t married but I do feel like I was still viewed as much younger.  Which granted I am, in my current job I’m about 20+ years younger and there are only 4 of us in this dept.  I feel like sometimes because I’m the newer employee, as well as the youngest I’m not taken as seriously.  My ideas aren’t as “good”.

As for this bride in the article.  I think because she was working at a WEDDING magazine and wasn’t engaged or married yeah her ideas weren’t as valued.  That would be like me working in a hospital but not believing in western medicine.  Walking around telling my patients they should try aromatherapy, acupuncture and meditation to cure their aliments instead of having appropriate tests and medications to diagnose, cure and treat life threatening illnesses.  Doesn’t make much sense.

Post # 8
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

This is so frustrating to me, too. I am 27, in a committed monogamous relationship, I have a successful career, and stable income. I am a legitimate adult. But any time I talk to anyone, the only thing they care about is that I’m not engaged yet. My plans for the future are treated like a kid wanting to be an astronaut, practically unattainable because I’m “not engaged yet.”

It’s craziness. And incredibly insulting.

Post # 9
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be a liar if I didn’t admit that there is some validity to this argument. Do I believe it’s asinine? Hell to the yeah, but society treats marriage like it’s some kind of ever exclusive club. When my husband and I were dating, we had so many friends and family asking “so when are you going to get married already?” To which I would respond, “you know it’s been a year, right?” I mean, what’s with the “already”??? As if we have been dating for a decade, and honestly who gives a good old fashioned phuck if we had? I would especially hate it when my miserable and married friends would ask this. I mean honestly, are you so eager to have someone to complain with? Guess what, my husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married. When we decided to get married, it wasn’t because we got tired of the questions, it wasn’t because of some dumb azz club that anyone can join, it wasn’t because we craved acceptance from moronic sheeples, it was because it was right for our relationship. The relationship that consists of two people, without any outside influence of any other norms or opinions. Period. Now of course people want to know “when are you going to give him some babies?” I swear, the people I know tempt me daily to punch them in the throat.

Ok, I am sorry I seem hostile, Embarassed but I have NEVER been obsessed with another person’s life timeline, and I sure as hell don’t understand why someone wants to know about ours. 

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I get where she is coming from, but at the same time marriage is a pivotal moment in one’s life that does warrant the changes it brings.  Before our wedding, people would tell me how it would be different once we were married.  I didn’t believe them because we already lived together, what could a big party possibly change?  I just think they weren’t describing the change properly.  The best way I can describe it is: nothing changed, but everything changed.  It’s indescribable you just have to experience it in my opinion.

Of course, some things (like work related issues) shouldn’t make a difference if you are single or married.  

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