Not the "Best Day of My Life" – Perspective, please.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Girl you gotta move on. Go talk to someone for real. If you are still so upset after 10 mo that this is affecting your life, then you may have deeper issues and talking to a professional will help. It is not healthy to keep bringing everything up. Even on here. 

Best of luck to you but my adivce is to seek counsel immediately.

Post # 3
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Jeanne6629:  wow!! thats a murphys law day for sure. Im sorry!

Normally I just think *get over it* but normally the stories not so bad from so many angles, you poor dear!

<br /> If I were you I would set up a wonderful 1 year anniversary photoshoot, you could wear your dress or get a new bridal-y one- and then meet your local friends and family at a restaurant for a nice celebration.

Post # 4
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Jeanne6629:  Oh dear…sadly, there are a few things you could do.  One, try to look at the GOOD from the day.  You married the love of your life, you looked radiant, and you were surrounded by those whom love you.  Two, stop (or try too) living the past.  Stop yourself from thinking about all the ‘doom and gloom’ that surrounded your day.  You are doing it, because you are looking ahead at everyone elses wedding days, and feeling you were robbed.  However, chances are their days will have things go wrong too.  I do not believe that anyone, ever, has a PERFECT wedding day, as far as things not going wrong.  Their days are perfect because of the love, and because of the marriage.  Your guests probably viewed your day as perfect, and wonderful, because they did not notice the details or things that went wrong.  They did not plan each and everything the way you did.  I think the same will be said for future weddings you attend.  Except those that planned every tiny detail will see indiscrepency.  

Third, this may or may not be feasible, but maybe you can plan another photo session – all glammed up, in your dress, or in another dress with your future hubby.  Maybe it can happen on a trip you two take, or locally with a photographer.  Just you two, in an intimate setting, where you things feel perfect in the moment.

I know these things cannot bring back your weddign day, but nothing will. However, you can tell yourself things or do things to alleviate your sadness.  Although we all dream it is the best day of our lives, and for many it is, BUT I believe days will be way better in the future…when you have your kids, or what have you.  Hang in there!

Post # 5
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Oh honey, that sounds like a doozy. I agree with PPs that getting another photoshoot is probably a good plan and may help you get over your stressful day. Then perhaps organise a small dinner with close family and friends and get some shots taken there too. It sounds like the photos are a big regret and having some happy photos around the place might help you to look back on what happened with more of a sense of humor. It’s a shame that your expensive wedding wasn’t everything you dreamed it would be, but as others have said, having a wonderful marriage after the wedding is the most important thing. These kinds of upsets will hopefully make your relationship even stronger in the long run.

Post # 6
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Jeanne6629:  I am sorry that your day didn’t turn out to be what you had planned and expected!  That totally stinks!  I think maybe you need to attempt to focus on everything that went right, instead of everything that went wrong.  They say that every bride will have things that do not go as planned (although I would say you had some MAJOR things that didn’t go as planned), so maybe take comfort in the fact that everyone had some items that went wrong at their wedding.  Try to focus on all of the good things that happened that day, best of all you married your husband!  You don’t know what will happen yet on any of your friends weddings, so you never know they may have some crisis to work through that day, and you could be a huge support to them as you have been through it all on your day!  Best of luck, I hope you find a way to move past it!

Post # 7
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Perspective? Imagine if your friend has passed away that day.  

It genuinely sounds like a crappy day and you have so many genuinely frustrating complaints.  But in the end, you got married and your loved ones were present and there to support you.  Not everyone is so lucky.  

Post # 8
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your narrative definitely makes me worried that you highlight the negative and minimize the positive. Okay, there were some bumps along the way – that happens. But instead of rolling with it, you allowed yourself to get caught up in and focused on the bad, rather than reorienting yourself to the lovely things that were also happening. The fact that you are still ruminating on this 10 months late is no good. 

You want to feel better about it? Rewrite your story. Literally. Write down a narrative of your wedding day – but write every thing in a positive way. Highlight all the good things. If there’s something not as awesome, think of a way to reframe it in a more positive light (e.g. We all got ready in one cozy room, giggling as we navigated the tight space… It was a special type of togetherness). Whenever you start to feel upset about your special day, re-read your (positive) narrative. You will be teaching yourself to be happy and remember the good stuff. Memory is pliable. You can chose to remember what you want!

Reading through your post, it’s also clear that you had expectations that were different than reality. You booked one room at the hotel for each night, but expected the hotel would bend the rules and let you have both… It didn’t happen. You expected your photographer to take certain shots, but you never advocated for yourself to get them. You wanted everyone to be getting ready with you, but instead they chose to be elsewhere. it sounds like you didn’t communicate your expectations clearly. If this is an ongoing problem in life, maybe you should try to think back about how you could have more clearly asked for what you expected in advance. You can’t expect everyone to read your mind and fulfill your desires. And you certainly can’t be upset about it when it doesn’t work out the way you want… It comes off looking really selfish, but I’m sure that you just didn’t want to be “bossy.”  Take control – it’s okay!

My guess is that this isn’t the first time you’ve been disappointed beyond what would be typically expected. Do you tend to get upset about other things not being perfect? This post reflects some negative thinking paired with unrealistic expectations and an inability to move on and focus on the good… Like a pp mentioned, you might want to seek out some help to change this maladaptive pattern… I’m sure you (and others around you) would be happier…!

Post # 9
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I feel SOOO bad for you! Thats like every brides nightmare… so many things going wrong.  Im so sorry you had to go through all those things on your special day.  But you did do one good thing in that post and was focus on the few things that did go right 🙂  Just try to overpower the bad memories with good ones. Also, if I were you I would plan to do a vow renewal say in 5 years (10 may be too far away to be exciting) and plan another special day.  It will be something to look forward too!! Or as PP’s said, another photoshoot may make you feel better. 🙂  I do understand how hard it would be to forget all that tho.

Post # 10
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Personally, I love perfectly imperfect stories. My dad proposed to my mom on april first after years of swearing he didnt believe in marriage, she then got FURIOUS at him and tried to break up with him because she thought he was mocking her desire for commitment on april fools day. He didn’t even have a ring. They were on a cruise and after my dad managed to convince my mom he was for real, she got sea sick puked in his shoes. Today their 35 years in and going strong. I love their story more than any sappy “perfect” proposal story. The imperfections are part of the story, part of the legend and anthology. Everyone one gets married more or less the same way (going down the isle, saying i do, blah blah blah) the little things that went wrong add more texture and uniqueness to your story than any decor or stlye choice ever could.

Post # 13
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

You just stop. Other than your friend having a health issue at the alter, everything else you encountered is normal big event chaos and mix-ups. It happens to everyone, and there’s no use dwelling on it. Thinking about it won’t get you anywhere or help you in any way. It’s time to make a conscious decision to let go and move on. When you start thinking about your wedding day, force yourself to focus on the positives of the day for a few minutes, and then get your brain busy doing something else that actually benefits your present and your future. Do not allow yourself to spend another second thinking about this. It isn’t worth it.

Post # 14
Member
6204 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Try to remember that these aren’t the only pictures you’ll ever have of you and your friends! I didn’t get a picture of just me and my sister, or me and my SIL, but guess what? I have tons of pictures of the two of us, and having them from our wedding day would not make any difference at all! At least everything that happened at your wedding was a mistake, and everything ended up okay! 

Post # 15
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

Jeanne6629:  Okay, that really was a series of bad followed by worse, but thankfully it all ended up alright in the end. Your friend was alright and your wedding happened.

The whole “best day of your life” thing is honestly bullshit, in my opinion. My wedding was wonderful, but do I seriously want it to be the “best day of my life” so everything is downhill afterwards? Hell no. Your kids being born, a major financial windfall, your first book getting published – there are so many things that I actually can think of as being better days than a wedding. Sure, I love my DH, but nothing about our relationship actually changed after our wedding – it was paperwork and a party.

I hope that your wedding day mishaps just become a funny story 10, 20 years from now.

If the wedding *really* was the best day of someone’s life, their next 20-60 years are going to be pretty damn dull.

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