Weddingbee boards

Yesterday, I had the great fortune of finding and purchasing my wedding gown at the local David's Bridal!  Excited, I told my family about it, and my sister (my MoH) decided that she and my mother were going to take the afternoon together looking at dresses.

So today, they start trying on dresses. I specified a couple dresses I thought were cute that I'd seen online and asked my sister to try on several styles.  The only real stipulation I have about my BM dresses is that they are to be a certain shade of brown.  So my sister complies, and really likes two of the dresses I chose out, and decided. My mother on the other hand, seems to want to be a royal PITA.

I probably should have given my sister specifics as to what I envisioned my mother wearing. Classy, elegant, matronly -- picture perfect MOM. What does my mom decide to try on? Well, the first thing was a dress in a shade so close to my sisters, that it's virtually the same.  My sister calls me, to discuss their progress and informs me that our mom seems to want to dress like a bridesmaid. 

Because it's long distance, I tell my sister quickly that she is NOT to wear anything that resembles dark brown because she is special and I want her to stand out from the rest of the bridal crew. She is, after all, the mother of the bride. I also suggest she get mom to try on some of those nice two piece dress/coat combos.  We hang up. I go to work.

When I get home, my email is filled with pictures of my mother in strapless grecian goddess looking gowns.. I ask my sister what in the world my mother is thinking because quite frankly, I don't know many 55 year olds that can pull off a strapless dress without the proper goods for it. I asked why she didn't try on any of the nice two piece dress combos I saw online and she told me my mother said that those were for OLD ladies.. so she wouldn't even try them on!  THEN, and hour later, my sister sends me an email with all these pictures of Chinese Cheongsam type dresses, and says that my mother wants to wear something similar to that because she thinks it would be "more comfortable".

Can anyone else understand why this is bugging me?Maybe I made a mistake telling her that she is special, I don't want her to stick out like a sore thumb... now she wants to go out in left field without any regard for the continuity i'm trying to create for the wedding party.  Part of me is angry that she just doesn't "Get it" and I'm confused as to why she thinks those beautiful dresses are for "old ladies"... and as mean as it may sound, she's no spring chicken.  How do I talk to her about this situation without turning into a real bitch?

Your mother is beautiful =) Thanks for the picture! If my mom had tried on that same dress your mom is wearing, I don't think I would have posted anything, because it's not far off of what I was wanting her to try lol.. it looks like your mom's dress has straps.. has a sheer coat that can be removed.. I think this is cute and elegant at the same time! As far as age goes, you wouldn't know your mom is as old as you say in the picture, she seems in very good health.

You would probably think 55 is "old" when dealing with my mother, since she actually has a lot of physical ailments and has been using a cane to walk for about 6 or 7 years. You probably would think she's older than 55 for that alone. She is pretty, and its not a weight issue because she is actually a lot better off in that regard than many ppl her age, but even I don't have what it takes to wear strapless gowns and I'm nearly 30 years her jr. I find strapless dresses incredibly uncomfortable, I can't imagine it would feel too comfortable for her, so I can't understand why she's fixated on wanting to wear something like this:

Yes, this is a picture of one of the dresses she tried on. Yes, it's a pretty dress. Does that make it appropriate to wear to your daughter's wedding?  I really need affirmation that I'm not over the deep end, and I wish that I could convey to her that there are roles in weddings, and hers is to be my mother, not someone that doesn't dress appropriately for their age.   I'm embarrassed because I can't imagine people would think she looks good in it. Yes, this all sounds very mean but please understand, if I am having these thoughts about my mother in this dress, what would other people think?  Bottom line, I guess I want to save her from seeming foolish(?) or looking silly.  Oh, my fiance's mother is Korean, which is one more reason I'm not sure i'd want my mother parading around the wedding in something distinctly Asian when nobody else would be. That would be uncomfortable. 

Thanks for the suggestions everyone.  I really have a lot of frustration out of this because the dress just doesn't look right from the pictures my sister sent.  It really feels like she's trying TOO hard to fit into the youthful category by choosing something that is very unflattering on her simply because it looks good on a rack and because she thinks her daughters would wear it.  I have seen pictures on these boards where y'all have posted women wearing "all white" and it looks so ludicrous, like an intentional battle against the bride. It was almost unanimous that the boards believed there were some underlaying attention issues, and that the garments weren't appropriate to wear. I can imagine if my mom wore a dress like this, that people looking at her would sorta think the same thing, and that mortifies me! My mom isn't out for attention grabbing

The dress itself is beautiful but like I said before, I don't even think it would look good on me, you have to have a certain body to pull one of those off. It's really not that i want to control what she wears, but in some ways I do-- that's the only way I know for sure I won't be looking at pictures 20/30 years down the road and still think "I can't believe she wore that"..

to Smyley-- my mom has notoriously iffy taste in clothing because she just can't TELL what looks good ON her and what doesn't. I can't count the number of times she has embarrassed me with her choices in clothing, and I promise I am not a fashionista! I spent more on my cricut machine than I did on my wedding dress, and growing up, I made a point of never wearing things everyone else considered popular.

Jellybean-- thank you for sorta understanding my side. I really DON'T want to treat my mother like an infant or angrily tell her she looks horrid in the dress and can't wear it, I love my mom very much.  I don't want to be rude to her, but short of being rude, I am trying to figure out how to make her understand.  She is SO thick headed, in a very bad way lol.

I thank you for your suggestions on compromise-- Maybe a simple sheer bolero would make all the difference to me, even if she doesn't wear it.  I want her to be special because she -is-. She's MY mom, that makes her the best mom on the planet as far as I'm concerned. I don't want anyone else to look at her and think nasty things which is why I don't want her to wear that dress. Maybe if we got her that dress, David's bridal could put some of those lacey sleeves on it, the way they do for wedding dresses? 

I'm going to be a mother of the bride soon and, while I certainly wouldn't have the nerve to wear something Grecian, I would be annoyed if my daughter steered me towards "matronly" outfits. Let your mom be who she wants to be.

If I had a magic wand, I would poof my mom into one of these dresses in an instant. She thinks these are for old ladies:

This last picture comes with a coat which is not shown btw..These aren't UGLY or old lady-ish are they? These are what I meant by two-piece... Top and skirt, or dress and top, something like that. And these are dresses that are the epitome of sophisticated woman in my eyes.

Tanya-- part of me feels really she is trying to rebel against feeling old. And the reason I am asking for so much input is because I want to make sure I'm not being bridezillaish, and I do appreciate the fact that so many people are sticking up for my mom (even though they haven't seen some of her bad outfits lol) I really didn't want to post pictures of her in dresses, but here are just a couple of her in the dresses she really liked. I am sure I don't have to point out breast/side bulging from these ill fitting gowns =(  I feel like saying "a little more modesty and a little less titty salad mom!" lol  I like the silver and champaign/gold colors on her though.

 

Your link didn't go to a specific dress, would you give me the designer and style number? Maybe I should change the name of this post to "help me help my mom" and you can all give me suggestions to give her, for something "trendy" to wear that wouldn't embarrass me! lol

Yes, THAT is a beautiful dress and she'd be stunning in something similar to THAT. Not sure if we could afford a dress for her that cost more than my gown but it is definitely worth looking into. Thank you for the helpful suggestion =)

Cinema-- I think I will try and arrange a mother/daughters day some time in late spring or early summer since the wedding won't be until next October. We can hit up a bunch of bridal salons, with some dresses in mind for her to try and if needed, special order one for her. Thank you for seeing what I saw in the way these fit her. It boggles my mind that she can't see that the dresses do not fit her.

I guess maybe I was blowing things out of proportion since what everyone mostly thinks is that these dresses are just the wrong size for her, period.  Smyley is probably right that nobody was really helping her to find an appropriate size and she obviously didn't have the right kind of bra for any dresses like that so it just adds to what I was feeling would be a disaster. 
I do like a lot of your suggestions... I am going to send her pictures of gowns that you all suggested, and hopefully I can come visit her and arrange to try on some specific dresses before we go to any stores, that way we both have a clearer idea of what she thinks would be nice. She deserves to wear whatever she wants, PROVIDED it fits her properly lol.   

I think she's probably embarrassed about her cane and maybe is trying to play off her insecurity... especially since it's a time when she can justify being well dressed in something she wants to wear, and she probably doesn't feel "beautiful" normally.  I am actually embarrassed that I didn't think to just send her alternate suggestions or tell her that we should try dresses in other sizes/colors/styles... and am embarrassed that I just assumed she would want it her way and her way only.