Post # 1
well SO and I have openly talked about getting married and our future kids but I expected it to happen in the order if engaged married then kids. Found out I’m pregnant and I am so upset. My parents are very religious and are going to be so disappointed in me. I’m 23 and he is 27…. We have been together 2 years. Any other waiting bees get pregnant before getting engaged? we aren’t in the best financial place but I did get a raise today!!! Can we do this? *freaking out*
Post # 3
@Kakimax: Yes you can do this!!! Two of my sisters got pregnant before marriage and were both not in the best financial places at the time. They now are married have more kids and are in much better places. Money DOESN’T make you a good mother. Your families judgement are feeble in comparison to raising a child.
The most important thing is that you worry about you and your baby and not what your family is going to think.
With that being said, i’m totally pro-choice but I doubt your super religious family is…
Post # 4
You can do this. 🙂
I am religious as well, and pro-life. God forgives. He still loves you. Your family truly loves you, and they have to learn to forgive you, too. Lord knows they aren’t perfect.
Are you ready to get married now? I certainly don’t believe in ‘shotgun’ weddings/marriages, but if you and your SO are ready to get married anyway, now seems like as good a time as any. <3
Post # 5
He is my soulmate I couldn’t imagine life without him. I also can’t wait to be married to him but I am sad I may not get the whole wedding planning princess process…. I know he wants to marry me as well But I don’t want to force it just because I’m pregnant.
Post # 6
@Kakimax: Then don’t force it. Wait til after the baby, and plan the wedding of your dreams
Post # 7
@Kakimax: And congrats! This is a blessing, even though it is providing stress right now.
Post # 8
I would also throw out, as a compromise with your family, that you could always opt to have a JOP wedding to make things ‘legal/official,’ and then after the baby comes along you guys could have an actual ceremony/vow renewal and reception for your extended family and friends. 🙂
Post # 9
Yea my one sister waited 7 years to get married after her first child and she is just as in love with her husband as she was before their child was born. They just waited for the right time for them. Marriage doesn’t always dictate commitment or love. They are both amazing parents and perfect for each other.
I would just roll with it and wait until the right time for you and your boyfriend. Don’t give into socities pressures or even your families. Do what’s right for you and your soon to be family!!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@Kakimax: First off, I don’t think there’s anything that you need to be “forgiven” for by God or anyone else. If you love your boyfriend and you don’t have a problem with pre-marital sex (along with most of the country here in the 21st century), then don’t feel guilty at all. Your parents may have their own beliefs, but you are your own adult and you don’t need their approval if your values are different than theirs. I do agree that their love for you and a potential grandbaby will overcome any disappointment in your choices.
Secondly, while money is definitely important in having a family, what’s more important is to raise a child in a loving, stable home with good supportive parents. If you’re confident in your relationship and think you can provide that to your child, then you can totally do this! If not, there are multiple options including abortion and adoption. Personally, I don’t know that I would have been ready for a child at age 23 even though I was in a relationship with the love of my life and current fiance… But we probably would have gone for it anyway and looking back, it would have required different life choices but we would have pulled it off just fine. If you are mature and have a strong partnership, you will be great parents.
Good luck love! And congrats!! xox
Post # 11
You can totally do this! It will be okay. Question – Are YOU disappointed in yourself for having premarital sex? Or do you think it’s okay to be intimate when you’re in a serious, loving relationship? If it’s the first, you should think about self-forgiveness. If it’s the second, I think reminding yourself that you have to live your own life, and not for your parents, would be helpful. I also think if you want a more traditional wedding experience, wait until the baby is born and then get married. He/she could be an infant flower girl or ring bearer! Please keep in mind that families come together in all different shapes and ways, and all of them are beautiful because they are about love and commitment.
Post # 12
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and me and my SO (about to be FI 🙂 ) had only been together a few months!!! Whoops! We were totally unprepared (financially, emotionally) but we had a lot of love and support around us and made it happen. We started in a cramped apartment and we’ve now moved into a bigger apartment and I am blessed enough to be a SAHM. He recently got a better job with better hours and we couldn’t be more blessed.
I know what you’re going through.. Our families were supportive but I was a manager at Chick Fil A – (christian based) and I got A LOT of unfortunate judgement and ugly comments there. I know it’s scary but I assure you it’s going to be the biggest blessing and you’ll be thrilled.
I see you’re GA — I live in Atlanta. PLEASE PM me if you need anything! Advice, someone to vent to.. etc I know what you’re going through!!
All the best to you and CONGRATS!
Post # 13
@bbsoon2be: thank you so much! We are currently renting a two bedroom place it’s not too cramped but its not what we want to stay in forever! We have been together almost two years and I know we can do this. I just got a promotion at work today (before I took the pregnancy test) I just hope they don’t fire me or demote me when they find out in a few months that I’m pregnant. We cannot afford for me to be unemployed
Post # 14
I agree with all the other positive comments. I assume you are planning on having the baby. (If not or you’re not sure, no judgement– you do what is best for you and your family.) I wouldn’t assume that your parents will be disappointed either. I have several friends who had surprise babies and their parents were all thrilled!
You’re not 16, you’re an adult. And i know that you never want to disappoint your parents, but part of rgowing up is forming your own beliefs and standing by them.
Post # 15
@Kakimax: Just don’t tell them yet. It no ones business but your own. Wait until you’re showing 3-4 months to let them in on it.
Post # 16
I haven’t been where you are, but FI and I are from “good Catholic” families– the kind where my aunt works for the church. Looking through the church records, you are far from alone. About 1/2 of her church records had a wedding less than 10 months before a baptism (meaning knocked up brides). 1/3 of the pilgrims were pregnant at their wedding. And they fled the Catholic and Anglican churches because they were too liberal.
First, figure out a plan. Are you going to keep the pregnancy> What does being pregnant mean for you two? Will you live together? Will you raise the kid together? Do you need to figure out child support? Tell your bf you don’t need to figure it out now, but need to figure out a plan before Christmas. Then, after Christmas, you should tell each of your parents together.
FWIW, my FI and my parents are totally against pre-marital sex/living together/what not. When we moved in together (not approved, but our parents are dealing) my mom said to my FMIL “well, maybe this will mean we’ll get grandchildren sooner”. They would be happy if we had a child out of wedlock.
You can do this. They can’t fire you/demote for being pregnant. My dad’s boss was hired at 7 months pregnant and my sister in law got a promotion while on maternity leave.