Not the way I expected things to play out!

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@Bettyboo1982:  “I want a surprise, I was hoping for a nice simple proposal as we sightseed and then to pick out a ring either over there or at home. I wanted a proposal first then to look at rings. I kinda feel like it will be a case of picking out a ring and bring engaged. I know he’s not a formal guy and I’m not a formal girl but I do still want him to ask me.”

Have you told him this?

 

Post # 4
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Bettyboo1982:  I think there are two schools of thought about proposals, ones that want to be surprised and ones that want to make the choice with their partners.  Have you told him that you want a surprise?  He may not know this, and is probably simply trying to have a discussion about this with you.  I don’t think he’s trying to be mean at all.

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@Bettyboo1982: I think you need to have a clear and direct conversation with him to find out what his expectations and assumptions are re. the engagement process, describe your expectations and assumptions, and negotiate a compromise that you can both feel comfortable with. Communication is the key here. 

Post # 7
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@lovekiss:  +1.

I’m gleaning from what you’ve written that you want him to propose without a ring, and then to pick out a ring together – correct? Does he know this?

Post # 8
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Bettyboo1982:  Any chance he’s saying all this to throw you off course? That’s what my fiance did, so when he actually DID propose, I was totally thrown (in a good way!) by the timing…

Post # 9
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Bettyboo1982:  This might be completely off but…is it possible he already has the ring? So you can go looking together (to throw you off), but he let you know he wasn’t going to buy so that you wouldn’t fall in love with one at the store?

Then SURPRISE he has one! And if it were my SO telling me not to get my hopes up… I could totally see it being because he doesn’t want me to expect it! If your hopes are up and your on edge he doesn’t really take you buy surprise like he wants to. So maybe he’s hoping you’ll let your guard down and be surprised??

Post # 11
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@oneyearout:  +1

@Bettyboo1982:  Based on his reaction, it may be the case that he is trying to trick you! You know him best – is he the type to plan something like this, or do you usually doing the planning every step of the way? 

If your guy is really low key and relaxed about things, then I wouldn’t expect him to take the initiative to ask you before looking at rings either. However, if he’s usually very considerate of your feelings and wants, then perhaps he’s trying to hint that you’ll be looking at rings so you can be prepared. Fingers crossed for you!

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