Post # 1
It’s hitting three months before the wedding, and my FMIL has finally chosen her dress. I’m glad she’s finally found “the one” but can’t say I’m thrilled….
She called it’s color “Rican Red” or as she told me, very bright like a firetruck.
Am I the only bride who wonders what happened to the ethics of not wearing firetruck or, less politely, hooker red at a wedding?
The only two solid colors I didn’t want anywhere wearing were solid white (minus my flower girl) and firetruck/hooker red.
I knew my FMIL had said she was considering red as a color, but I told her the color of the wedding party is a wine, or claret (red). She lives 1,000 miles away so I couldn’t exactly go shopping with her, but we talked about what possible colors she would look good in other than red – at length.
She didnt’ take the hint and is now wearing a bright red dress with no back to my wedding. Even better, the groom’s grandmother has apparently decided to wear the same shade of red.
Am I wrong to feel upset about this?
I don’t want to make a scene, but now – I sort to want to make sure she’s in a few of the pictures as possible outside the family portraits, or she’ll be the center of every photo.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
They are adults and can wear whatever color they choose. The bright red will actually look fine with the deeper shade of red, and it was probably tough for her to find a dress she likes. And really, what is more important, for your FI’s mother to be in the pictures, or to keep her dress out of them? How would you feel if he told you he wanted your mother to be in as few pictures as possible?
Post # 4
I’d hardly call the color of her dress an issue of “ethics.”
I think that it’s a silly thing to conern yourself with, honestly.
Post # 5
Your FMIL is a grown woman and is capable of dressing herself. The vast majority of people won’t even notice what she’s wearing, and if she wears something completely outrageous, that reflects on her, not on you. She will in no way take attention away from you and she’s not going to be the “center” of the photos unless you’ve hired a Pamplona bull to do your photography. I think you need to just let this go. As long as she doesn’t plan to show up in an actual wedding dress, then you really can’t tell her what to wear.
Post # 6
I understand how you feel. My FMIL is considering wearing red (mind you this is more for cultural reasons than wanting to look like a smoke show, plus she is older and it will likely be a very conservative outfit). But still, like you I was feeling a little upset at the thought of us all matching/coordinating and her alone wearing red.
However at the end of the day it isn’t worth a fight/tension esp right before the wedding. All eyes will be on you as the bride no matter what, and your pictures will still turn out great.
There are worse things that could happen so don’t stress!
Post # 7
Unless she’s wearing a wedding dress she won’t be the “center” of every photo. Take a deep breath and let this one go, so not a big deal.
Post # 8
@MeiFrancis: I’ve always lived by the ettiquette that wearing solid White (an all-white dress) or an all-red dress to a wedding if you aren’t the bride or the bridal party, is taboo.
I do photography – your eye automatically travels to whatever is brightest in the picture, which means any picture his mother or grandmother is in even if the background, they will become the center of attention. It means no one’s looking at the cake cutting but focused on the bright red behind it.
That’s what I want to avoid, at least for photos I want to keep for years to come.
Post # 9
@fishbone: She is wearing outrageous – completely backless. So picture Jessica Rabbit style.
I never thought it the fact it would reflect on her though. *sigh* I just thought she’d understand having had 4 weddings of her own already.
Plus – as much as I’m slightly disappointed, I don’t want my other mother to find out. I might be disappointed, but to my mother – she’ll be outraged. So I need to shut my mouth, and pray a war doesn’t break out the day of.
Post # 10
she can wear what she wants, who cares.
First you can’t wear white, ivory, champagne, beige or light pastel colors, now add in red. What CAN they wear?!
Post # 11
I’ve never heard that red was a taboo color to wear at a wedding.
She probably spent a lot of time looking for a dress that she liked that she thought looked good on her. She can’t be faulted for wanting to look and feel her best for her son’s wedding.
Post # 12
@MrsWBS: I’ve never heard Champagne or pastel colors being off limits.
Post # 13
@dragonlover: I guess during wedding planning we can get kinda crazy but I think this is a little much. She’s a grown woman, she can wear what she wants and you’re the bride you’ll be center of attention. My moms walking me down the aisle and my colors are lavendar and grey. When she went shopping the only dress she liked was blue, no where in my wedding is there blue but she feels pretty and that’s all that matters
Post # 14
Ugh – so frusterating! I would be miffed too, especially since you talked with ther about what colors to wear and red wasn’t one of them.
You are not alone in this dress code either – I would NEVER consider wearing white or red to a wedding! Those are the 2 colors you should definately stay away from when going to someone else’s wedding.
Post # 15
@MrsRichard: You were trying to match every single person to lavendar and grey?
I’ve really put no limitations other than the entire 2-years I’ve been planning, my first description of my colors when I say red or claret, is NOT FIRETRUCK RED. I despise the color.
Post # 16
@dragonlover: I think I’ve seen a thread on WB for a bride being upset about their FMIL’s dress being just about every possible color.
It will be fine – no one will really notice. And if it’s inappropriate, they’ll look at her like WTF, not you.