Not trying to be mean to anyone but I really dont understand it.

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

“So I’m not very big on jewelry or anything…”

And some people are. What is so hard to understand about that?

“Plus if you pick out your own ring and knows what its going to be it also take out that part of the surprise of it IMO.”

I’m going to try to explain this so you can understand, but I like jewelry. I love my FI. If my FI picked something out that I didn’t like, I would still love him, but if it’s something I like and am interested in, shouldn’t I have a say?


What if it was socially acceptable for your FI to pick out and suprise you with your wedding dress, or to name your first kid, or something that you actually care about? It isn’t too hard to wrap your head around.


Post # 4
7191 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Everyone is different. If you don’t want to help pick your ring, that’s fine. DH wanted me to go look at rings with him because he wanted to get me a ring he knew I would love. I never asked him or prodded him to look at rings together, it was completely what he wanted to do. It didn’t take anything away from the proposal.

Post # 5
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@rmrsln2010:  FH and I made the decision to go shopping together.  He wanted me to get what I wanted, he had no idea what to get me and knew that I had an idea.  We waited a long time to get engaged and we spent a long time looking for the perfect ring and we agreed on the setting together.  He then picked the centre stone himself and purchased it himself.  I had no idea when he was doing this.

I agree with you on the upgrading business, I don’t get it.  My ering is my ering, I won’t upgrade it.  If FH wants to buy me a new ring at a later time for my right hand that’s another story but I will not change this existing ring, I love what it represents – and Fh is actually just as attached to THIS ring as I am (maybe more).

Post # 6
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@rmrsln2010:  I agree. Mine isn’t huge but he bought it himself, without my input, and got what he thought was perfect for me. I’m so happy I don’t know the price, the carats, etc.

If it works for other women that’s awesome but I guess I’m not one of them! 🙂

ETA: I would never upgrade my e-ring. It’s special. If he wants to get me a bigger ring then it can be a separate ring but that’s the only option.

Post # 7
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

@rmrsln2010:  I wanted an antique/vintage ring. FI had NO idea what this meant. I showed him pictures, but he still didn’t get the style.

So I got on eBay. I found my ring. I left it up on the computer for him to see. Four months later he proposed.

I LOVE my ring. Would I love a ring that FI picked out without my help? Maybe. I would rather have picked my ring out and know that I love it, than to leave it up to him to only chance loving my ring. 

And I know he appreciated me picking it out because it saved him a lot of headache. 

ETA: I had NO idea that FI purchased the ring. And I was completely shocked when he proposed, and when I noticed it was the ring, I almost fell over. So yes, I was still surprised even though I picked my ring out. Just because you pick it out doesn’t me you automatically know it has been purchased and is in your SO’s possession. 

Post # 8
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have a very expensive ring. I requested a very expensive ring because the ring was more important than the wedding to me (but not the marriage I KNOW someone is going to try to take that wrong!).

For me, the wedding was one day, but my ring is FOREVER.

I only helped set the budget, but he picked the ring.

Post # 9
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014



I would understand being disappointed if you knew your boyfriend made a bunch of money and spent it on things (gadgets, video games, vacations) for himself, but then bought you a very small or low-grade diamond.  To me that’s just being stingy and self-involved, unless of course the bride has voiced a disinterest or certain degree of apathy towards her ring.




I would also understand being disappointed if your boyfriend asked for your likes and dislikes (meaning, style, cut, setting, metal–NOT carat size), got your opinion, and then bought the complete opposite of what you said you like.  To me it’s just kind of oblivious and even dumb to spend that much money on something she doesn’t like.




What I cannot understand is women who are disappointed by the simple size of their ring.  What exactly does a big ring accomplish?  Sure, it’s beautiful, and if you can afford a 4 carat diamond then fine by me.  But most of us are not in that financial position.  Can you imagine how the guy feels knowing that the ring he picked out and saved for and paid so much money for is somehow not good enough?!  It baffles me. 




Are you marrying the man or the ring?

Although this has NOTHING to do with whether or not your FI picked the ring himself or whether you picked it together.



Post # 10
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

my husband wanted my opinion and even tho i picked my ring and knew he had it, i was still very surprised when he proposed.

and also, if i hadn’t been with him when the purchase was made, he probbaly would have spent way more than his budget allowed. i’m the one who got the sales people drop the price.

Post # 11
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I told my FI what I wanted in my ring and he had one designed where he picked the carat size and specifications based off what he wanted to spend.

If you read my post about where he proposed to be, even though I knew what my ring was ultimately going to look like and that it was going to happen by the end of the year, I was still 100% SHOCKED when he actually proposed and had never seen the ring in person so completely surprised at how it came out.

To me, I’m really proud to say my FI wanted to make sure what I wore on my hand was something I thought was beautiful on my own and not just because he picked it out for me. I feel spoiled by him trying to meet all my requests and surpassing them.

And ring shopping with him was so much fun. I wouldn’t give up that experience for anything.

Post # 12
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Cory_loves_this_girl:  +1 FI knew I would be very particular about an engagement ring so he took me so he could get a good idea of what I liked.  I narrowed it down to three but we both knew which one I loved.

Post # 13
3948 posts
Honey bee

I’m not trying to be mean or anything but I really don’t understand why anyone in the world would care if my husband and I picked out my ring together.


Post # 14
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

@rmrsln2010:  My BF does not have a very good “fashion sense.”  I love him, but he would have NO IDEA what to get me.  

I agree, I don’t understand the need for a huge diamond just for size’s sake, but I understand wanting to help pick the ring.  There are many things that he can surprise me with, but the ring that I’ll wear for the rest of my life just isn’t one IMO.  Everyone is different.  I’m a little picky, some people aren’t and that’s cool.  

Now, if I was dating a jeweler, I would be more likely to trust him.  It just depends. 

Post # 15
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wear my ring every single day so I’m not ashamed to admit that I cared what it looked like. Some people might enjoy string, I like my sparkly rock.

Post # 16
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@rmrsln2010:  My SO said he wants my input on the ring because he wants to get me something I love.  I don’t think my SO cares what my ring looks like or anything about it other than that it is in his budget so why would he get total say over it when I actually do care about the details.

My SO has a jeep and he loves modifying it.  If I were to get him a gift within a certain budget I would have no idea what to get him so I would defer to him to make sure that I got him what he wanted most within my budget.  And I am sure my SO feels about as comfortable in a jewelry store as I do in an auto parts store.

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