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My fiance and i agreed to wait until febraury before ttc. we are getting married in march and I knew if I did get pregnant I wouldn't be showing and wouldn't need any additional alterations. We have been using the pull out method but one day recently he decided he wansnt going to pull out and just came. I felt hurt and disrespected because I have made it emphatically clear that i didn't want to actively start ttc for another month and he agreed. Am I wrong for being upset?
If you're sure you're not ready to TTC, I wouldn't use the pull out method.
I would be upset because it is something that would have been done when there was a clear understanding. It's especially important to have complete trust and communication when it comes to intimacy. That is when a person is the most vulnerable. I think you should have a conversation with your FI about his feelings on the issue and to understand why he chose to do that in the moment.
@strawbabies: I agree. Statistically its one of the least effective when it comes to preventing pregnancy.
The pull out method is completely ineffective, if you're not ready to start ttc you need to be proactive about it and either have him put on a condom or get yourself on birth control. Neither one of you are being at all safe here, in the heat of the moment it can be really hard to stop or pull out, that coupled with the fact that it doesn't even work...just please get yourself on birth control!
The pull out method is extremely unreliable. He literally may not have been able to stop. Like when someone puts cheesecake in front of me. I recommend condoms or bcp if you truly aren't ready to TTC yet.
Also, it takes couples on average something like 8 months to conceive, so one month might not make too much of a difference.
Well, if someone called the police where I live and complained that their partner did not use their preferred and communicated method of protection/birth control it has to be investigated as a criminal sexual assault.
That said, it sounds like you guys need to have an open and honest communication about how you'll conduct yourselves in the bedroom and how close is too close to your wedding to be NTNT conceive.
Like the PP said, if NOT getting pregnant is important to you, I'd use something a little more effective than the pull out method.
No I'm sorry, you don't have a right to be upset. I'm not trying to pile on you, it's just if you don't want to be pregnant you need to be responsible as well. Sex Ed 101 in school will tell you the pull out method puts you at risk.
I actually just came off birth control for the sole purpose of ttc. We are 30 and 31. My only reasoning for not trying to get pregnant too early is not to have to buy a new dress. If we got pregnant we would be fine.
I can understand you would be upset, but I'm going to echo the PPs... You need to make sure that you are taking care of YOUR reproductive needs. Use another method of more reliable birth control. I've had too many acquaintances conceive on the pull out method.
I don't really have any advice for the OP but I just wanted to post in regards to everyone saying that the pull out method doesn't work..
That is abslutely false.
Read that. ^^
@Stassney: it gets a bad rap because in the heat of the moment, you can't always depend on the man to pull out.
OP, if you didn't want to TTC for another month, I don't understand why you didn't just wait a month to go off birth control.
Sorry that article is not convincing. If I'm trying to prevent a pregnancy; this method would be dead last on my list.
I would be absolutely upset. I agree with a PP, it's a violation of trust - you agreed to use this method of birth control and agreed on a month to TTC. I would talk to him about it, and probably insist on condom use from now on if he can't control himself.
That said, pull-out method definitely does work if you are careful and your partner has control over his ejaculations. My FI has never cum inside of me without a condom on - he has excellent control and hasn't ever even come close. (We use condoms probably 95% of the time, but sometimes we don't have time since he has a little trouble adjusting to the change in texture and it takes longer when a condom is used.)
@MissGreen: I agree with you. I read the article and I still wouldn't trust it. Human error means alot when it comes to practice of a method and humans tend to fail alot at this one.
@Stassney: It also says that there is no sperm in pre-cum, which could not be more false. I wouldn't trust that article.
@hisgoosiegirl: I just have to say, that I wouldn't have sex with someone I couldn't trust or depend on to do as we agreed.
No offense meant to the original poster.
@Stassney: I wouldn't either, but if a man accidentally goes a little further or thinks he can go just 5 more seconds, it becomes literally impossible for them to stop. And that's where human error comes into effect. He might not have meant to at all.
@Wonderstruck: There are studies linked in that article that prove there is no (mobile) sperm in pre-cum.
I have used the withdrawal method off and on for the last 6 years. I have never even had a pregnancy scare. Obviously it works if done correctly.
@Stassney: For me, we've always chosen our birth control method based on how important it was to NOT get pregnant. When we were dirt poor and in university that we wanted to finished we doubled up condoms AND birth control pills AND pulled out because it was one small step down from total abstinence vitally important. If you're at a place that it's not ideal to get pregnant, but not the end of the world if it happens... then pull out might just be the risk level that you're comfortable with.
http://informahealthcare.com/doi/abs/10.3109/14647273.2010.520798
Peer-reviewed journal article.
Overall, there's articles on both sides, but I would say it looks dubious at best. I would not trust my non-pregnancy status on their not being sperm in pre-ejaculate.
@Stassney: Just wondering, but how do you know if you're using the withdrawal method "correctly" unless you get pregnant? Maybe some people are just luckier than others. Maybe some people have other issues that make it more difficult for them to conceive. I had a friend use it for nearly ten years and then get pregnant while using it. Does this mean she was using it "correctly" all the times she didn't get pregnant and must have done something "incorrectly" the time she got pregnant? Or was she just lucky all those other times? Not being snarky at all, just wondering what your beliefs about it are!
OP, I think you have a right to be upset for sure. Talk to him about it and tell him how you're feeling and that you do not want it to happen again until the timeline you discussed.
OP - yes, I'd be pissed.
@Juliepants: if youre using POM correctly, the man pulls out before he ejaculates....if you get pregnant and your only method of birth control is POM then it means the man ejaculated inside of you....POM requires that the man have full control over his body and full trust between partners
@Juliepants: "Her studies found that in perfect use -- meaning the man pulls out every time -- withdrawal has a 4 percent failure rate, as compared to condoms, which have a 2 percent failure rate."
Your friend was probably part of the 4 percent if the man never came inside of her. It's just like how some people accidentally get pregnant with condoms or on the pill.
@PitBulLover & Stassney: Ahh, thank you. I had always been told there is active sperm in pre-cum. Is that not true? Sorry, I'm threadjacking, I'll just google it. :)
@Juliepants: No, there is no sperm in pre-cum. That is a myth!
@Stassney: exactly
Alright guys let's not turn this into a debate, it's really not what the OP is asking about so we should try to get back to the point. Especially when you say you don't have any advice to give, that's less than helpful. There are studies agreeing with both sides so this is something that could be argued over forever.
The point is, I think, that POM works but only works as well as you can trust your partner! OP, I would be so pissed!
If FI every did that to me I would so make him use condoms from then on out. You have every right to be pissed, I would have went off.
Yes, I would be pissed. Bad BC choices aside ( MHOP) You had talked about this and he chose to do it anyway. I would say either no sexy time for him or make him use a condom if he can't control himself. ( I say both personally) He disrespcted your wishes, and that is just not right.
Use spermacide if you can't use a condom. That is something YOU can control, and if he blasts off again, it won't matter as much as it did with nothing. Problem solved.
You have every right to be pissed.I would be.
Try using spermicide, like PP's suggested if you hate condoms.
I heard once that there is more sperm in pre-cum than anything else...
I'd b upset as it wasn't what id asked. But still wouldn't have done it as I know it's unreliable.
The same thing happened with us about 2 months ago. We have a 10 month old son and I hadn't started my pill yet after breastfeeding. I had one month left until I started my pill and he randomly cums inside me one day.
I was furious, he just said he "wasn't thinking" which is obvious. My period ended up being 2 weeks late that month (probably cause I was stressing about it) and I was convinced I was pregnant again. Luckily thats not the case and we plan on waiting a couple years for baby #2. I eventually forgave him and made sure he understood he was NEVER to do it again (without my permission). Not much else you can do in this situation.
For the record- The withdrawl method has ALWAYS worked for me. I feel like they tell you otherwise to stop teenage girls from letting guys get away with not using condoms (just my opinion). That being said, I'm on the pill. We already have one little guy and I'm not taking any chances :P
I would not be upset with him. You all did agree on a method-ineffective albeit, but still a method. However, to expect him to think about and execute it at the moment when he is cumming is unreasonable and almost impossible. Cut him some slack, he was cumming!
OP, you have every right to be upset. He willfully went against what you had previously communicated.
Use a condom or stay on birth control. Those are the only ways to stop him. And yes i would be upset if he did that. But it takes 2 to tango and you also need to be responsible and either make him wear one or take a pill.
I think thats unfair to be pissed at him for cumming during sex. Put a condom on or go on birth control - end of story.
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