- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
The insomnia monster hit tonight, which means my brain went into obsessive mode, and now I feel the urge to get it out, I’m sure there are brides out there feeling the same way. I feel totally misunderstood. Not by my SO… not really. But more by other brides and the bridal community in general. I think this may ultimately be the reason I’m in a planning slump. There seems to be a lot of blockage!
1) I’m trying to plan a wedding on a super super tight budget. I cringe at what I see other people spending. And yet, feel like I’m missing out and end up feeling bad about my decisions when people say the quality isn’t as good. But … we’re living on a single income, things are so tight I have to juggle really essential bills to lessen the gap between ends, let alone make them meet. The added wedding expenses are killing me. I ended up in the ER and missing work for a week with an ulcer caused by stress. And his mom paid for the visit… I can’t even turn to my parents for help
2) I’m planning a wedding in a state seems to be SERIOUSLY lacking in industry related stores. Maybe it’s because I grew up in Phoenix, a HUGE metro-area with areas that have people who can really spend money… I dunno. I love love love Albuquerque, it’s really the only metro area in the state, a big city (really), with a smaller town feel that I love… with the double-edged sword of that small town feel meaning I have small town resources. I feel like my shopping experiences are so severely limited that I’m missing out on some of the fun of planning. And I get so frustrated with the advise people give of “Look into this…” like it should be readily available and it’s so very NOT… and they just don’t “get it”
3) I’m a plus-sized bride. Combine that with the above, and I think you can maybe get a glimmer of what dress shopping was like. I wear a 20, street size. At one shop I was at, the best she could even attempt to get me into was a 10. Yeah. That was fun. One shop looked at me and said “I think I have a dress we can try” A dress. One. That’s it. I turned around and walked away. Add to that, I wear a G cup. I just laugh at them when they ask if they can get me a strapless bra. HA! yeah, RIGHT! I can’t find one that fits me in specialty plus size lingerie shops!!! (Not that we have any of those here!) And FH desperately wants me in a strapless dress. That’s the only thing he’s asked for. Fortunately…
4) I’m an SCA geek. (If you don’t know, historical reenactment… http://www.sca.org) I’m used to wearing a corset, and I know people who can make me a great, fully supportive Elizabethan corset which will give me a shape and look I feel REALLY confident with. However, I also secretly really really really want to have an SCA wedding. Doublets and surcoats and bodices and Renaissance theme galore, complete with actual period court dancing… One of the gracious Honorable Ladies even offered to call the dances/run tutorials for the guests. The whole thing would go over like a lead balloon with all the family and guests. Makes me very sad.
5) (and final) I realized tonight that this one bothers me the most. I’m also a Pagan bride. (Please message me if you want information and please please don’t flame the boards) I’m mostly “in the broom closet”. FH knows even if he doesn’t understand. His parents know… or have been told even though it’s ignored. My mother knows, but again, doesn’t “get it”. Most of my close friends know, don’t criticize, don’t ask questions. Originally we’d planned a Handfasting for June so that I’d have my ceremony, and my religious ‘needs’ would be met. That’s just not going to happen. So, we’re working it in the ceremony instead of the Unity candle/sand ritual. On the plus side, more people will be there. But… All the religious elements of it will be gone. No casting a circle, no calling the elements, no asking for a blessing from the Gods and Goddesses. I feel somewhat incomplete not having Those who have helped me through so much not honored, but how do you work Freya, Isis, and Inanna into an otherwise decidedly NOT religious wedding among Polish and Irish Catholics? I’m trying to think of ways to work things in subtle ways (a Thor’s Hammer wrapped around my bouquet? Elemental symbols worked into decor? I dunno) I guess I didn’t realize how truly important it was for me until the idea of not having it hit me.
Someone tell me I’m just over[reacting to little things. Or at least you can relate to SOME of the issues? I kind of feel like I’m on a floating island… Indie Bride type wanting a more traditional and not in your face Indie wedding. 🙁