Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Folks, I need a little bit of help. My step-sister’s mother-in-law just passed away a few days ago… apparently she’d been sick for a few months and had fallen into a coma rather suddenly. She hasn’t mentioned that her MIL was ill at all, but she did mention it to my step-dad, who told my mom with the caveat that she keep it quiet, but of course she didn’t and so I found out last night.
I’ve sent flowers to their house today and I want to send a card or letter or phone call or SOMETHING as well, but since I wasn’t supposed to even know she was sick (and because I’ve never been very good at expressing sympathy no matter how much I feel it when there isn’t anything I can do to make a problem better), I’m not sure what to do or say. Any advice for the best way to handle this?
Thanks in advance.
Post # 3
Spaniel, I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can say…when my Dad died, I know many of my friends struggled with what to say to me. Honestly, knowing that they cared by sending flowers or a card meant the world to me. She will know that you are there for her. Also, if you are able, attend the funeral. I didn’t have time to talk to my friends who attended the funeral, but knowing that they were there was incredibly comforting.
Also, my friends picked non-cheesy cards for me. If they didn’t know what to say, they just wrote their names. It didn’t matter to me. I was just happy that they were there for me. Good luck!
Post # 4
I think the flowers were a really nice gesture! This is tough, because you weren’t supposed to know. If you WERE supposed to know, I’d say stop by and just ask how they are, offer to help with anything (babysit if they have kids, bring food, fuel up the car… just stuff that needs to be done when your world falls apart). Given that you weren’t really supposed to… I don’t know. You know your step sister best, I guess. Will she be upset that you know or grateful that you care?
Post # 5
OH – Food! If you live close enough, bring by a frozen lasagna or something that freezes. We were so overcome by grief that reheating was all we could do. People brought food for a month after my Dad passed. It was the most helpful and thoughtful thing.