Post # 1
Hey, everybody! New person here, this is my second post. (My first one was in the “Beehive” section.”
My fiance and I were born and raised Roman Catholics…both of us attended Catholic school, went through (most) of the required sacraments, and our families are mostly Roman Catholic too. (A few extended relatives are Protestant.)
Here’s the thing…We both became disillusioned with not only the Roman Catholic church, but organized religion as a whole. We both believe in God, but we DON’T believe that one church or one religion is superior to another. Therefore, our ceremony and reception are both going to be held at a restaurant banquet hall, with a Justice-of-the-Peace.
This has come under heavy scrutiny from my great-aunt(mother’s aunt.) Even though she’s flamed me for being a non-practicing Catholic, she’s criticizing me for not having a “good Catholic wedding” like my cousin and his wife recently had. Not getting married in “the eyes of God” is the ultimate sin, apparently! She’s gone as far as harassing my own mother, (another non-practicing Catholic) about our non-religious wedding. I would THINK that she would have MORE of an issue if we DID want to get married in the Catholic church…Considering we don’t attend Mass nor believe in organized religion. Instead she is being nasty about it, telling me it won’t be a “real wedding or marriage” if we’re not married in the Church. I have tried explaining my views to her, but she refuses to leave me alone about the topic.
Any advice as to what I should do, without starting WWIII?
Post # 3
Ugh, that sucks. I was raised Greek Orthodox, and I’m also not big on organized religion, but I was lucky enough to fall for a nice Jewish boy (who has very similar beliefs to mine), so I have a perfect “out.” I definitely don’t think you should change your plans, but is there any compromise you can make? Mentioning god in your vows, and/or incorporating any roman Catholic traditions?
I take it your great-aunt has a lot of influence in your family, otherwise I’d say it’s just one person, screw it.
Post # 4
@Pulsepoint129: Fi is Catholic, I am not. I was willing to have a Catholic wedding but, alas, I am a heathen and I had a previous marriage which I was told needed to be anulled ($$$$ and contacting my ex, hell no!) So we are having a non-demoninational ceremony outside at the winery where the reception is. God will be mentioned, there will be prayer, but it is not a Catholic wedding by any means. Fi’s mom has surrendered to this, despite her disappointment. Is something like that an option to try and reach a middle ground? Having a minister, a man of God, but not Catholic, perform the ceremony??
Post # 5
@AirForceWife78: Heck, I mentioned the idea to the Justice Of Peace to have a bible present and mention God at least once. It is possible I suppose! 🙂
Post # 6
I would tell her that you are no longer a practicing Catholic. If it goes against her beliefs to be at a wedding that is not in a church, she does not have to attend but you love her and hope she comes on your special day. Then the ball is in her court then…and it’s not starting a war, it’s stating your beliefs. No one has the right to pressure you, and no one is going to make her attend if she thinks the wedding isn’t “real”.
Post # 7
@ladyamalthea: The thing is, with my great-aunt, is that she lived with my now deceased grandfather (he passed in January 2012 from metastatic colon cancer) and ever since then, she has this arrogant belief that she should now be the figure-head of the family. (Yet she is always the one to cause drama, opposite of my grandfather who kept the PEACE in the family!)
You’re right, I’m about ready to say “Screw it” since she’s the only one in the family dissatisfied with my choice.
Post # 8
Ugh. Sorry about your crazy aunt!
If anyone else in your family says something, you could always explain that you feel it would be disrespectful to get married in a Catholic church since you’re non-practicing.
But I wouldn’t say anything to your aunt. Nothing’s going to make her happy!
Post # 9
I feel yor pain. I grew up baptist SO is catholic. He wants a chuch wedding to please his family. He does not even believe in god. I always wanted an outdoor wedding *sigh* but the church the FILs got married in is beautiful. Church wedding + outdoor reception = compromise.
Post # 10
@BrandNewBride: You are dead-on balls accurate about my great-aunt! She actually thrives on creating drama, which is the very opposite of my grandfather!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@Pulsepoint129: Simple — it’s your wedding, not hers. Do what you feel is right, and what you want.
Post # 12
Forcing or guilting a non-religious person into a certain type of ceremony is just as unfair as asking a member of one faith to have a ceremony conducted in the tradition of another completely different faith, because some family member says so. You wouldn’t say have a Sikh wedding if your aunt was Sikh, just to please her, if you were a fully practicing Hindu, for example. Youraunt has said her piece but needs to relent to you; it’s your wedding so it should reflect your beliefs.
Post # 13
Tell her that if it bothers her that much, she doesn’t need to attend – but that as far as you are concerned, this is the most real wedding ever to take place. Her opinion doesn’t mean squat.
Post # 14
Don’t let her opinion sway you! Just ignore her every time she brings it up, or say “it’s not up for discussion”.