Not Wanting Future Step-Daughter In Wedding

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
641 posts
Busy bee

I vote let it go. Kicking her out of the wedding isn’t going to improve your relationship with her, or your husband to be. At the same time, you and his daughter need to talk about her behavior and trying to undermine you, particularly with this sabotage. In regards to the dress? Tell her it’s lovely, and that you would love to see her wear it at the reception, but that it is not going to work for the ceremony. The dress thing just sounds like she’s seeking ways to stir the pot.

Post # 4
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You are the adult here. Even though she’s 20 she’s acting like a child. She is afraid and hurting because her father moved away before. (I have to agree with her that it sounds like he abandoned them by moving away.) When children are hurting punishment will not help, only more communication and understanding. You shouldn’t stoop down to her level by kicking her out of the bridal party and trying to hurt her back. Just continue to show her how loving and inclusive you are. Hopefully she’ll come around. 

Post # 5
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@brendaray2009:  Yes she is older – but I am from a ‘broken’ home – I am a full believer that you don’t marry the man you marry his family.

Maybe counseling as a group would be useful? Family counseling is not unheard of these days – and that is what is to become of you… They say anything you encounter during the wedding planning process will unfold as three times the stress after the wedding – so if you are struggling with your relationship with her now – how will it unfold down the road? What will Christmas be like? How will summer holidays go?

I am not saying that she is a determining factor in whether you two get married – or your happiness. We all know teenage/young 20’s girls can be a bit…unstable still. Yes, she is prone to say and do some silly things – but speaking to her like a human and respecting her thoughts may go a long way for your future together with your husband.

If none of that works then tell her she can’t wear the long dress she wants to wear and stand up – if she is determined to wear it she can sit in the audience and that problem is solved – but all the others will remain.

Post # 6
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I also want to add that once you make this decision to respecth er and listen to her – that she will be unable to thank you enough.

My stepmomand I did not get along the entire time I was growing up and I stopped visiting when I was 15. Fast forward to me returning home after being out of the country for 5 years and she completely turned around – she called and cried and apologized for how she treated me and she has been a main part of my life ever since. Due to some bad decisions my father will no longer be in my life (they are seperated now) – but she always will be. She will know my children – she is sitting in the front row at my wedding – she and I handle childcare handoffs for my neice – could you imagine how awful that would be if things never turned around?

Give her the chance to be heard. It is often underestimated how difficult living in a two-home family can be – regardless of how old you get.

Post # 7
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@AlwaysSunny:  this exactly! You need to continue to be inclusive!



@brendaray2009:  It sounds like she’s testing you. And I don’t think it’s personal. I think anyone who her dad ended up getting engaged to would be getting the same treatment. Try not to take it personally and remember, although shes 20, she still young and she’s hurting. If you feel an honest conversation with her would work, I say go for that. Something along the lines of ‘I think you might be feeling hurt but I have no intention of taking your dad away and I’m going be here waiting patiently for you to come around bc I want you in my life’ I think you need to try extra hard to forge a relationship with this girl as that’s more important in the long run than how bratty she may or may not be acting about your wedding. 

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