Not wanting to invite a plus one for a dating couple

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

You should invite her. You aren’t going to be thinking about her when she is there, trust me.

Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

s323:  I think you need to keep decorum acorss the board.  If you are inviting SO’s of friends in a dating relationship, and then not giving him the option would be inappropriate, because then it seems blatant that SHE is not invited, and not just ‘girlfriends’.  It is different than inviting definitive single people without the ‘and guest’ option to keep guest list numbers ‘in check’ as well.  

However, if you have decided that you are only inviting SO’s of friends whom are living together, or engaged, and she does not apply in this situation, then you are still keeping same standards across the board.

If it helps, on that day, you will be so thrilled by what is happening with your DH that I doubt you will really even notice her attendance, or anyone elses really.  I promise!!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  OUgal0004.
Post # 4
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

s323:  If you are giving +1’s to other people who are dating or in serious, non-married relationships then yes, he should get a +1 too. The alternative is to not invite the couple completely. Don’t treat your FI’s friend any differently then anyone else. That would really suck for him.

Post # 5
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I would say if they’ve only been dating a short time, you can probably get away with not inviting her esspecially if other singles are not getting a plus one.

However, if they’re in an established relationship then I think you need to invite her. I also agree you probably won’t notice or think about her on the day of your wedding anyway! There were lots of things I didn’t notice until afterwards or people told me! Like DH’s cousin wore an all white dress to our wedding…never noticed! Don’t care anyway at this point but so many people worry about those little things and you may never notice them.

Post # 6
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

s323:  You need to be consistent. If other people in relationships (of a similar amount of time dating) get their partners invited, then you should invite this girl too.

Not giving a “plus one” to single guests is not at all comparable.

She’s only the best friend of your FI’s ex, not an axe murderer.

Post # 7
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

You can’t allow others to bring their girlfriends or boyfriends and not allow him. Its different that you’re not allowing single guys to find a random girl to bring. You probably won’t notice her. The only way is if you were only allowing married or engaged couples. You can’t single out one person.

Post # 8
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Agree with the other PPs. You should invite them as a couple. Is your FI willing to lose his friend over this? Because he might be really offended if you don’t invite his current girlfriend, and that would change their friendship. Even if they break up in the future, he would still remember and maybe resent that you didn’t extend a +1 for him to your wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

If you’re giving other couples +1s then you have to give him a +1.  I don’t get how anyone thinks that just because they’re not crazy about someone’s SO, it’s ok to exclude them.  It’s horribly rude and unkind.  You said you have single friends without +1s, but guess what?  He’s not a single friend. 

Post # 11
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

If you invite him, you must invite her as she is his SO.  So, either invite them both or don’t invite either.

Post # 12
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Personally I think it is rude to not invite someone’s significant other to your wedding.  Why would they want to come and celebrate your relationship when you won’t even recognize theirs?

Post # 13
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

I am on the border with this. Let me ask you a question? Is your fi’s friend and his girlfriend living together? If yes then you guys need to invite her. If the answer is no then I think you can get away with it. If it were me planning a wedding then unless I am friends with their SO then I would only invites people’s SO’s who are married, engaged, or live in SO’s. If they don’t apply to that criteria then I think inviting your friends SOS would be optional if they aren’t married, engaged, or living together. 

Post # 14
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

s323:  If they are in a relationship, she should actually be addressed personally, not as a “plus one.” Plus ones are given to truly single guests. Anyone in a relationship should be invited with their SO, and their SO should be named personally on the inner envelope (unless they live together…then it should also go on the outer envelope, as well!)

Post # 15
Member
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I say invite them both. I highly doubt you will notice her on the day of your wedding.

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