Post # 1
So my SO and I have been on again off again for 11 years. He married during one of our “off” times. Anyway, we have now been together for almost 3 years (living together) for 2 1/2. We talked about getting married…but now we don’t discuss it at all, unless I bring it up. I wait for holidays…I wait for vacations….I wait for times when our families are together…and still nothing.
Should I give up? I’m so frustrated. I feel like walking away…but then I saay maybe “this time”…we’lll discuss it…maybe”this time he’ll marry me. He married his 2nd wife very quickly.
Post # 3
I don’t have any advice but just wanted to send good vibes your way!
Post # 4
I know it’s hard… but I’d probably move on if I were in your shoes.
Post # 5
Yikes, he got married during your off times and he still won’t marry you? I’d move on – this man is bad news.
Post # 6
11 years is a long time to be off and on again with someone. Why do you think its going to work this time? What has changed? Generally, off again on again relationships do not work in the long run.
I think its time for you to move on and find someone who really wants to be with you. This guy broke up with you and married someone else. That’s a pretty clear sign from the universe that this wasn’t meant to be.
Personally, I’d run screaming from a man who was off again on again with me AND had two failed marriages. Talk about commitment issues.
Post # 7
What @lawyerchick13 said – this is a bad news bear unless there’s something else you haven’t told us yet.
Post # 8
He broke up with me numerous times because he said “he was nervous about blending families” I have 3 kids..he has 3 kids. He has his kids 1/2 the time. So during one of our breakups, he met someone with no children. He contacted me 2 years later saying he wasn’t happy… and because I have always loved him, I thought wow, maybe this time?
My kids decided they were going to get a place together, that’s when he asked me to come live with him. “he said he wanted to be with me forever”. I truly believed this time would be different.
When I bring it up it usually causes an argument. He said he can’t afford a big wedding. I said I never asked for a big wedding. I said I would be just as happy going to a justice of the peace…but then it never happens and its never discussed again…unless I bring it up.
I decided that I would not bring it up again. But when do i say enough is enough. there is little or no affection. We don’t go anywhere unless his kids are with us. If I suggest doing something, he says ok, but as long as I pay for it…I don’t mind that once in awhile, but all the time?? Esp. when he makes twice as much as me. His mood is so different when his kids are there, as opposed to when we’re alone.
FYI.. I’ 50 and he’s 51. Sometimes I think will I ever meet someone again? But then again…I think I’d rather be alone, than with someone who truly doesn’t want me.
Post # 9
@stillwaiting123: Alright mama, Here’s the skinny. This man isn’t valueing you. Saying he wont go anywhere unless you pay all the time is unacceptable. Especially if he makes 2x you do. A real man ALWAYS wants to treat his lady like a queen, reguardless of age. You are in the same age range as my mom (just turned 53 but looks 35) and I say you still have SO MUCH TIME left. It isn’t like 300 years ago where you weren’t expected to last much longer after 50….you can live and love for at least another 30-40 years, maybe more if you are healthy. Would you want to spend another 30 years with someone who doesn’t make you feel ALIVE, Loved and Valued?
I Love my parents…very much…BUT if my parents were ever to separate, I know they would be able to find suitable partners find happiness with. Because everyone deserves happiness. If you were 25 We wouldn’t tell you to settle. If you were 35 We wouldn’t tell you to settle. If you were 45 We wouldn’t tell you to settle. Why should you have to settle at 50.
Go find you happiness. *hugs* and lots of love
Post # 10
thank you for that 🙂 My daughter would say the same thing. I believe that I have low self esteem which is another reason I’m probably staying. He wouldn’t sleep in the same bed with me when his kids were there (he didn’t want to set a bad example)..but we’re not married…isn’t that setting a bad example? He finally does sleep with me now, but only for a short period of time. He doesn’t come to bed when I do..he slips in at some point (i don’t know when sometimes) and he’s always on the couch. I really think I’m just a convenience. Good enough to pay for the food, plus additional money. He always said I’m the image of what a good woman should be…but at what cost? We kiss goodbye when we leave and goodnight…that’s it. That’s the extent of our affection. Sex? Maybe once or twice a month?
So what am I waiting for? and even if he does want to marry me…should I?
Post # 11
im 52 and getting married next year…we have been together for 5 years now…what you are talking about sounds like my first marriage – abusive…
my fiance and I are super happy and he is my best friend, we are looking forward to getting married and becoming committed…he pays for everything and I save my money and that is how he likes it – sex – twice a month…not acceptable – my advice – please move on…
Post # 12
Wow! You mean there is hope for me? 🙂
He is not a bad guy. He’s a good father, but not a good partner. All his energies are wrapped up in his kids, but then when it comes to me…he has nothing left. No money, no time.
When I tried to leave over the summer (got up the courage)..he made me feel like I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist….that I should accept him for who he is…that he accepts ME with all my faults.
I know it would be difficult for me financially to live alone, and I know that fear is a big reason why I’m staying….
I need strength..
Post # 13
Don’t waste anymore time with him. You WILL find a guy who values you and treats you right.In all honesty I don’t consider 50 to be old and definitely not too old to fall in love. Have faith in yourself. Maybe you need some time to focus on you, especially since you’re kids have all moved out. Get pedicures regularly, make sure you’re eating well and exercising regularly. It’ll make you feel so much better! When I started doing that I learned to value myself more, I learned I’m much stronger than I thought I was.
Live your life, be happy, and you will find someone when you least expect it.
Post # 14
@Vivere: +1! TREAT YO’ SELF!!!
Post # 15
I think you should find someone better.
Post # 16
I really need to hear these things. I do nothing for myself except see my kids once a week (which makes me happy). But excercise? I don’t. Diet? When I tell him I need to lose weight, he says it’s not what your eating, it’s because you don’t exercise. I think it’s both…I’ve gained over 25 lbs. since moving in with him. Maybe he’s turned off by the way I look? IDK. I try to lose weight but he’s not supportive. He said his 2nd wife didn’t set a good example for his daughters because she was trying to lose weight. Controlling? You betcha!