Not your typical bridesmaid drama

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It sounds like there’s nothing much you can do about this besides be a source of support for your sister– it sounds like this is one small issue within their extremely problamatic relationship and a very hard time for her.

I hope she is able to work things out so she can be your BM, and live a normal life!

Post # 4
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Is it possible you can seat her with her boyfriend? Either at the head table or at his head table.

It’s obviously not ideal but it may come down to her sitting with you, or not being a bridesmaid.

 

Post # 5
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@jenilynevette:  I don’t think he’s talking about the seating during the reception. I think he means that she shouldn’t be *standing up front by the bride during the ceremony* while he is sitting among the guests.

 

OP, this sucks. I’m so sorry your sister is in such an abusive and destructive relationship. Just keep trying to be there for her. ((hugs))

Post # 6
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Sephiroth:  OH, thanks for that.

I totally misread it!

 

Post # 7
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  this sounds like an awful situation for you both to be in.  I think all you can do is try to support your sister.  I like the idea of offering to let her sit with her boyfriend.  You could also ask your fiance to have a sit down with the boyfriend if that’s something that could work in your situation.

Post # 8
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I know this might be a strange idea, but why not talk to him? Just say “this would mean a lot to me, but my sister says you’re not comfortable with it… what can I do to make this comfortable for you?” It’s your wedding- you should be able to have your sister and niece stand up for you!

Post # 10
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  he really sounds like a nut job and a control freak. I feel bad for your sister that she even has to deal with this guy. I have never in my life heard something like this before. It makes no sense to me, that she should be sitting next to him during the eremony because that’s her place. It’s utterly ridiculous. I think your sister has bigger problems than being a bridesmaid. 

Post # 11
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

I would call him and ask if he would feel more comfortable if you invited his parents or a close friend so that he doesnt feel uncomfortable sitting alone for 30 minutes and let him know just how important it is for her to be a bridesmaid on your wedding day.

Post # 12
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

OMG, I don’t even know the words to say.. she needs to get out of this relationship. The fact that he wants her sitting next to him during the ceremony so he won’t let her be a bridesmaid in HER OWN SISTER’S WEDDING is so beyond controlling and insane to me, I have lost all ability to form sentences for what I want to say.

Being with a man she’s unhappy with is NOT better than raising her daughter alone, it’s actually worse. What sort of example is she setting for her daughter? And I can only imagine the fights that go on in the home, does she really think that’s a healthy situation for her daughter? She needs to leave that relationship.

Here’s a problem solver – tell her that she and her daughter are invited to the wedding, but he’s not. This way, he won’t be sitting with the guests alone!

Post # 13
Member
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Jeeze.  I really feel for you and your sister.  I’m with the PP above, I can’t even form words to explain how sick and twisted it is to tell a woman that she can’t be a bridesmaid in her sister’s wedding because he wants her to sit next to him. So controlling and ugh nasty.   

 

I think you need to keep being there as a support for your sister, but just be aware that your sister may not be a bridesmaid in your wedding and may have to step down.   Breaking free of a toxic and abusive relationship (or choosing to do differently than the abuser decrees) is very hard to do, and the control and fear he has instilled in her may win out over your sisterly bond.  Although I would continue to tell her that she should leave the relationship and him, for her daughter and her own sake.  

 

What a horrible situation.  Hugs and prayers for you and your sister (and your neice!).  I hope this situation gets better.  

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