- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
I just posted earlier about asking my bridesmaids and said that I’d elaborate on my sisters response. Well, I gave her her basket of stuff and she was so excited and kept saying how she loved it, but she never said yes or no. So, thinking she got caught up and forgot to answer, I asked what she thought. She got this very conflicted look on her face and did the whole, “Ye-well…mayb-no, yes” thing. Eventually, she said, “Yes, we’ll just duke it out later.” I was thinking she was concerned about the cost. I’m not asking much of my girls, just getting their dress (and I’m wanting to cover half) really. Before I can comment, though, she says that she and her boyfriend have been fighting about this ever since they went with me to try on dresses. I had alluded to her being a bridesmaid, but never officially asked until today. Apparently, her boyfriend doesn’t want her to be a bridesmaid (and I’m assuming he doesn’t want my niece to be the flower girl) because she should be sitting with him among the guests. It’s not a financial issue at all. He just doesn’t think it’s right for her to be up in the front as a bridesmaid while he’s sitting with the other guests.
I should note here that her boyfriend is very possessive, very controlling, and on occasion, very mean. As far as I know, it’s been emotional and verbal abuse only, but it may have escalated without my knowledge. My sister and I’ve gotten very close lately. Sadly, though, it’s mostly because she isn’t allowed to have friends that aren’t family. Sometimes it’s great, othertimes, she has to leave the apartment to avoid making him even more mad. She’s even said that she can’t picture marrying him and she’s only happy with him 50-70% of the time. But, for the sake of their daughter, they’re trying to make it work. Honestly, we’re all hoping they’ll break up once their lease is over.
Anyways, apparently she’s been fighting to be a bridesmaid for months now. She says that she’ll just have to keep fighting. I told her that if she wants to be a bridesmaid, he can’t really stop her. Then she tells me that he’s said he will leave them if she stands with me. I asked her if that would really be such a bad thing and she started waffling again.
As much as I want her by my side, I hate the thought that it’s such a source of contention for her. I really hope that she gets out of that relationship before it becomes a legitimate issue, not just for my wedding, but for her wellbeing and that of my niece. I’m hoping this will be the reality check she needs to see that she cannot stay with that man. As it gets closer, I’ll keep talking to her. I don’t know what I’d do if she decides to step down.