Post # 1
i just wanted to know if anyone is feeling the same as me about their wedding. I am getting married in a little over two months and things have gotten crazy. Like other brides, I am making calls, doing DIY projects and trying to get things ready. Especially with all the projects I have realized that the wedding is really not my style. I am so happy to be marrying my wonderful fiancé, and no matter how the actual wedding goes that is the part that matters. I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful or not excited about getting married; I just need to get this off my chest.
I’m planning a reception and ceremony that are opposite of my dream wedding. They aren’t even close. In fact i really don’t love one detail. I am a people pleaser and sometimes I just ignore what I want to make people happy. I wanted to get married in a chapel, but that FI didn’t want that. That is fine because I understand his reasons. I wanted a winter wedding in a lodge or something, but both my Aunt and his parents offered us their backyard’s and b/c we are on a small budget we had to take what we could get. Therefore we have to have a summer wedding. I wanted formal but, that didn’t work for several reasons. I wanted a small wedding, just family and our best friends. He agreed, and then changed his mind, and now his parent’s co-workers and other people I don’t know will even be there. I wanted to do nice hor’s devours and a dessert bar, but then his parents offered a taco truck and it was generous, and he really wanted Mexican food, so I couldn’t say no. My aunt offered to host the ceremony, so I feel bad even suggesting things because I don’t want to say no to her ideas or accidentally suggest something expensive. Also, I was looking at long mantilla veils and my fiancé made this horrible face because he thinks it looks weird when veils go to the floor. I love long veils but I want my fiancé to think I am beautiful walking down the aisle.
I know this is my fault for not standing up for what I want but I just don’t want to disappoint anyone else. My fiancé keeps telling me to do whatever will make me happy but I don’t want him to dislike the wedding. I wish there were things I could do now to create details for the wedding I really like, but I don’t know what to do. Is it possible to up the romance/elegance factor of our more casual backyard wedding? I just feel like this isn’t really my wedding.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Post # 3
oh hunny i am so sorry you feel like that! vent all you want here thats what this site is for.
i am feeling like you right now. i have to change everythign i wanted to something we could afford. i just keep telling myself how could i even think about spending 20k on a wedding when i have debt and i rather save money for my childrens college. something i didnt have.
i hope everything works out and try your best to stand up. its your wedding its yoru day. people will understand that. maybe instead of just giving in to your FI try to met each other half way
Post # 4
I think sometimes we put waaay too much pressue on this one day to be perfect. How about you keep the wedding as a fun, big, backyard affair, but add something else. Like maybe make the rehearsal dinner elegant and romantic. Or have a morning after brunch that is really classy.
To add some romance to the reception, use lots of candles or hang twinkle lights in the trees.
Post # 5
Thanks for your responses. sometimes it just feels better to talk about it. There will definitely be white lights, and though I had planned for some candles I think I may try to find some extra money (maybe by selling my textbooks at the end of the semester!) and buy a ton of extra candles. I love the idea about a brunch or rehearsal dinner but unfortunately we have no extra money to do either. I think that’s a great idea though.
There is a lot of pressure to make our wedding the perfect day. I knew because of our budget it wouldn’t be prefect or even close, but I wish there was one thing about it (other than the getting married part) that I genuinely loved and am excited about. I don’t want to look back after the wedding and wish we had done something completely different. I think If there was one detail of the reception that I was genuinely looking forward to, or that was really ‘me’, it would make it better. I’m running short on time so hopefully I think of something soon.
Post # 6
I think there seem to be three factors that are conspiring to make this feel not like “you” but they are three very different issues.
One is financial, we all have to make compromises between what would be so nice and gorgeous and what is necessary/realistic, no one’s fault (though I needed like five minutes to mourn the clay flowers I can’t afford as favors – we’re not even having favors because I don’t like favors! no sure where this came from) it’s tiny ouch but hey life is pretty grand with or without cash and having a wedding at all is cool.
Two is your fiance. This is a tricky one because on one hand he is the proper reason for you to feel like your wedding is not all ‘you’ because it is supposed to be ‘him’ too. On the other it sounds like the two of you maybe haven’t discussed the issues and your differing preferences? If you’re giving in to what he wants without clearly establishing what you want and why this might lead to some problems. I know it might seem more drama free to give in and keep quite but the discussion I think illuminates what is important to both of you and how to achieve what is important to both of you and how to compramise and makes sure both of you are feeling heard. Maybe you are not feeling very heard and it would make me sad if I felt no one was listening to me about the wedding.
Three are relatives who are offering help/have their own preferences. Ah yes. We all have to make our own compramises about the peace and having other people happy and having the wedding be authentic to us.
I think you still have plenty of time to find details that please and excite you. Do you have a dress picked? I’m currently getting warm fuzzies whenever I think about wearing my shoes. How about some games planned for the reception? What about music that you love? How are you spending your pre ceremony time and with whom? What meaningful and awesome traditions are you incorporating in the ceremony?
Post # 7
I actually like backyard weddings better – I think they’re more intimate. I feel like all the stuff I see on Martha Stewarts wedding site is for smaller weddings and I think they’re beautiful.
I’m not sure exactly what kind of thing to suggest since I don’t know what all you have but maybe some small cute DIY would help.
One thought is putting crystals in the trees – it would add a little bit of sparkle and make it a little more festive.
Post # 8
I think your wedding sounds beautiful, and I completely agree with @camrie. Do little things to remind you of who you are, little things that you can control. Other than that, have fun and love your FI/Hubby. I think we all find we have to compromise with others in this process, and those who would say they don’t at all are marrying push-overs and have a princess life. I don’t know anyone that didn’t have to compromise a little with what their fiancé or MIL wanted, even if you completely see eye to eye with them.
Post # 9
My Fi and I have a joke that the wedding is “only about 18% us.” Most of the things we are doing are for family and friends. So I completely understand where you’re coming from!
You will have a beautiful wedding and I bet at the end of the day, you won’t even remember all the things you wanted but didn’t get. I’m hoping I will, too. 🙂
Post # 10
Yes, ocassionally.. but then I thought of an awesome alternative.
If you wanted the lodge wedding in a chapel in the winter… make the arrangements to renew your vows in a lodge/chapel in the winter in a year. 🙂
Post # 11
YES. I wanted to elope but now it has turned into this giant thing…
But remember in the end, you’ll be married!! I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful.
Post # 12
I just went through this. We originally wanted a backyard, iPod, BBQ wedding and ended up with a nice hall booked, and caterer, DJ booked and all the works. Nice, but not what we wanted. Last week (with 4 months to go!) we called all of our vendors, cancelled everything, and started planning the wedding we really want.
I know you’re to close to the day to do an overhaul, but there are still things you can do to make it more “you”. After all, it should reflext both you and your FI.
First, I think you and FI should both make a list of the details that matter most to you, then compare them. You may find out that although he likes mexican, he isn’t hell-bent on it. If there are things that he’s open to changing, change them.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 13
I think you should move forward with what you have, and use the time you have left to focus on finding LITTLE things you can do to make the wedding feel more like “you”. Make a pact with yourself that for the remainder of the decisions to be made about the wedding, you’re going to honor your preferences and not let other people talk you into their ideas.