nothing beyond engagment? Opinions?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Whatever floats their boat I guess but I find it very pointless.

Being engaged has an intent to get married so to me your friend is not engaged she has a ring.

I mean the whole proposal includes “Will you marry me” and they dont see getting married in a long time.

Also getting married costs next to thing as far as getting actual license.

Post # 63
Member
2572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

mrspedtobe :  I know a couple like this, they got engaged shortly after highschool and went on to having kids, house etc. They’ve been ‘engaged’ for like 18 years now and for a while people would ask but then it just started to seem unfinished and sad. It automatically invites the question of why??? And it looks to the outside like the guy doesn’t really (maybe ever wanted) want to bite the bullet and stuck around for the kids. Kind of sad actually. That’s just how it looks from the outside.

Post # 64
Member
801 posts
Busy bee

The only reason I’ve heard of anyone having more than a 2 year engagement was because one was finishing school and/or they were in a long distance relationship. Your friend’s situation is puzzling since they both live together already…not really sure what could be the reason. Maybe they are both just easygoing people and in the “it’ll happen when we get around to it” mindset?

Post # 65
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My husband and I never got legally married and won’t for a while because of insurance and other financial issues. We’ve put other legal protections in place and had a commitment ceremony officiated by a minister, so we’re religiously married, just not married in the eyes of the law and we’re very honest about that with people, especially people that we do legal/financial business with. Legal marriage just isn’t a fiscally responsible option right now and that’s okay with us.

At the same time, my great aunt has been engaged to her partner for over 60 years. The reason why they aren’t married: They just simply never got around to it. More important stuff came up but they’re one of the happiest couples I’ve ever seen. 

Post # 66
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

stcott : I always wondered how people felt about symbolic marriages. Do you ever plan to legally marry or are you not convinced it’s needed?

This is an extremely informative thread.

Post # 67
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

We absolutely want to when we have all our financial ducks in a row but we’re not in a rush. As far as how others felt about it, some people didn’t get it at first but ultimately they were just happy to see two people in love doing something about it. 

Post # 68
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

mrspedtobe :  people like to say that “engagement” means you’re actively planning a wedding. The only problem is, that isn’t the truth. The definition of “engaged” is “a formal agreement to marry.” You don’t have to have a date set, an officiant booked, a deposit on a hall, a band scheduled or anything at all really. 

 Your friend is engaged. Congrats to her. She gets to wear a ring that her SO bought her. Nothing to judge here. When people get judgey, challenge them to google the definition of the term “engaged” on their fancy smart phones. Then watch them scoff and claim the dictionary is wrong and they’re right. It’ll be good times. 

Post # 69
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

Rhopalocera :  this seems disproportionately harsh lol. The situation (2 people defining their relationship status as “engaged” but not having a clear timeline in place) shouldn’t warrant this level of outrage in you. 

1. It doesn’t matter if you think they’re engaged. You don’t get to define their relationship. 

2. There’s nothing in the definition of the term “engaged” that implied or states it has to meet any criteria as far as time line, expiration date, having a date set or officiant booked, etc. The definition is quite simply “a formal agreement to marry.” Not “actively planning a wedding”, not “a couple who will be married within the year.” 

Post # 70
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

sparklebee83 :  I’m getting married in a few weeks and so haven’t had to deal with taxes while married yet, but isn’t all of that solved if you file your taxes separately instead of jointly? 

In response to the OP, everyone’s love story is different. They should do whatever makes sense for them! It sucks that some people are being judgmental though. 

Post # 71
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

books_and_diamonds :  You can married file separately, but that’s not the same as filing when you were both single. There’s a different tax table for married filing separately and you will still get hit with that “marriage penalty.” I don’t think there’s a way to avoid it if you’re both high earners and get married. From my understanding there’s limited times when filing separately makes sense, like when one spouse has a lot of itemized deductions. Also filing separately disqualifies you from a lot of tax breaks.

Post # 72
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

sparklebee83 :  Interesting. Thanks for the heads up! I’m glad I’m finding out now! I’ve only ever heard people talking about the benefits of being married during tax season, so I never bothered to look into it. 

Post # 73
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

My brother and his girlfriend did this. He proposed, and bought her a shiny ring. Yet it is now six years later (plus two babies) and they are still not married. No discussion either of any dates or even what year they’d like to get married in.

I do find it hard to mentally think of her as his fiance, and not his girlfriend. I don’t live near them, and I’m not particularly close to them either, so I do not know what their friends call them (engaged or dating).

It’s not my cup of tea, but so far it seems to work for them.

 

 

 

 

Post # 74
Member
4011 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

I figure it’s none of my business how other choose to conduct their personal lives. Provided that each partner understands the rights and responsibilities that he/she is forfeiting by not actually being married, then I think it’s fine.

The biggest issue I usually see is when one partner DOESN’T know what he/she is giving up. There are scores of rights and responsibilities that come with marriage that are not automatically conferred if a couple is not married. As long as a couple agrees that those things aren’t important, or pays an attorney to achieve those same things without marriage, then there is no comflict. If the rights someone has without marriage are more valuable than those achieved through marriage, again, then I think it is great that someone is informed about their legal standing. 

Personally, I would never have children without the protection of marriage in place, but as they say, YMMV. What others choose is none of my business.

 

Post # 75
Member
20 posts
Newbee

Insurance rates depend on how much money you make as single, combined money as married and if you have dependent. Also if you are married you can’t use education as a tax cut anymore. Our federal tax rate went high after we filled as married because our combined income puts us at a higher bracket then our single income. Say if you are single and make 100,000$ per year you are in one tax bracket but if you are married and your combined income is 200,000$ per year that puts you at the max tax bracket as in top 1%. Also after I got married  i had to pay more for my federal student loan repayment plan because they looked at our combined income and not just mine. 

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