Post # 1
Okay bees, am I justified or being a brat?
I had my wedding a little over a week ago and it was FABULOUS. We had a great time, almost everything went as planned.
As DH and I were filling out our guest spreadsheet with the gifts we received (so I can send thank-yous) I realized that there was nothing from my mother’s sister Belinda (not real name), not even just a card. Aunt Belinda is pretty much the black sheep of that side of the family. No one is close with her based on several, several poor life choices over the past 40 years. Now, I know she is not well-off, and I don’t expect gifts (there were a few other guests who did not give but traveled from very far away and I was happy just to see them!).
Here is where I don’t think I want to send her a thank-you at all. She showed up with her invited +1 to the wedding. He proceeded to get belligerently drunk and sexually molested the girlfriend of a friend of my father’s in the buffet line, MORE THAN ONCE (He grabbed her behind). My aunt did nothing to stop him, and they stayed almost to the end of the reception (he was taken outside several times to calm down/sober up by another one of my father’s friends).
I did not know/find out about any of this until after the wedding from my mother, who is FURIOUSLY angry. She can’t stop bringing it up, although I wish she would because it’s starting to feel like my fault when I know it isn’t (I wouldn’t have invited this aunt at all, but my mom felt guilty).
I have nothing to thank her for. Do I still send a card, or do I finally have the justification I need to snub her?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@bahamutangel: If she didn’t give you a card or gift why would you send her a thank you card? Thank you cards are for thanking people for gifts. You thank people for attending your wedding by thanking them in person at your wedding. I don’t see any reason to send her a thank you card and I don’t see it as snubbing her either.
Post # 4
We only sent people a thank you if they sent a gift or traveled for our wedding. People who lived on the area who didn’t bring a gift didn’t get a “thank you for attending” card as the reception was their thank you.
Therefore, I don’t think you need to send one and I don’t think it would be a snub.
Post # 5
Agreed. I think thank you cards are for gifts.
Post # 6
Hmmmm….I don’t think you should send a thank you.
Sorry to hear about this situation, this makes me upset!
Post # 7
I did lots of thanking even without receiving gifts. In this case, don’t send a thing.
Dude if that happened to me, I would have slapped the fool hard. Everyone would know about it.
Post # 8
@bahamutangel: if she was a guest I would still send her a generic thank you. something like “thank you for sharing our special day with us!” and leave it at that. It’s in poor taste to not send her a thank you at all.
Post # 9
@bahamutangel: Thank-you notes for the party itself are supposed to be sent from the guest who received the host’s generosity, to the host. Don’t hold your breath waiting for thank-you cards, but don’t feel guilty about not sending them in the opposite direction.Send thank-you notes for gifts, of course.
Post # 10
While I didn’t have guests groping other guests at my wedding, I was very hurt when my “best friend” was paid a few hundred bucks to provide a service at my wedding, ended up trying to dominate our wedding and insulted me along the way (for which he never apologized). He still came to the wedding, never offered to repay the money (he didn’t provide said service), drank and ate generously and didn’t even bring a card.
I still am torn on whether or not I made the right decision. I sent a generic “thanks for spending our special day with us” card. In my heart, I know that scumbag wasn’t even worth the postage. But I am glad that I was the bigger person and sent the card even though he and his partner didn’t deserve it.
I don’t think you’re obligated to send a card. But I know that family politics and personal feelings can also shape how you feel.
In the end, I think I’m more happy that I shelled out the extra buck or so for that thank you card, instead of what I perceived as being childish and grudge-holding over not sending one.
Post # 11
@bahamutangel: I thanked everyone for coming, but I did not send out thank you’s unless their name was written down on the gift list or I got a card from them either via mail or at the wedding, so no, I don’t think she gets a thank you.
Post # 12
I would see if your mom cares. If she doesn’t, nah sorry belinda!
Post # 13
“I have nothing to thank her for.”
OK, there’s your answer… so snub her for good and be done with this!
Sorry her guest was so horribly obnoxious.
Post # 14
@bahamutangel: I would not send her anything. I’m sorry it happened at your wedding, but fortunately, it was contained by your family so you didn’t have to worry about it on your day.
Post # 15
What was the Aunt supposed to do? Did anyone else do anything after this assault occured? I don’t see how it’s fair to blame her for someone elses behavior.
I would send a thank you card, as in thank you for coming. Is it possible she chipped in with someone else or cannot afford a gift? Either or, this is one of those times to be the bigger person and not resort to pettiness over a gift.
Afterwards you can put it behind you and not bother with this seemingly toxic person going forward… but don’t give her a reason to blame you for it.
Post # 16
I think the reception itself is the thank you for attending the wedding. The thank you card is if they give a gift.
I say no card.