- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Oh my goodness. Now I understand why so many of you just want to quit and elope at some point in the wedding planning!
I got engaged at Christmas, and I just flew back to my home state last night after a wonderful visit with my English fiance (tear, tear… I miss him).
So this is the first time I get to talk wedding in person with my mom. And boy, was I overwhelemed.
I don’t have much of a wedding vision, but I’ve always known I wanted something small and intimate. I’d be thrilled with a courthouse wedding followed by an awesome lunch and drinks with 30 or so of my closest friends and family.
The problem seems to be several things though – 1) I have a huge family, and 2) I’m the only daughter.
My mother is in the boat that I have to invite all family or none. While I would generally agree, I just don’t in my case. My mother is one of 12 kids, so the number quickly increases to a huge amount. Plus, I just don’t like a singificant portion of my mom’s family. If I am keeping things tiny, I’d just invite one aunt who I am particularly close to and who helped raise me when I was young. I’d also invite just one cousin and her family, as she is more of a sister or a best friend to me. My mother thinks that is ridiculous.
And then there is the issue with my dad’s side of the family. When my brother got married, not a single person from my dad’s side was invited, which really hurt him. Therefore, my mother feels it is my duty to invite a bunch of my dad’s family since I’m the only daughter, and this is his only chance to throw a wedding. While it wouldn’t be a huge amount of people, it still goes entirely against my ideal of a small intimate wedding. I don’t know my dad’s side well at all. Some of the people my mother spoke of inviting I have no seen since I was an infant or toddler.
Anyway, I really needed to vent because I have been so overwhelemed since last night. I quickly saw my wedding grow into something huge and generic.
I told my mother that I never saw myself having a big wedding in a hotel. She really just dismissed it. I feel like I’m a scapegoat. And yes, my parents would be paying for this wedding, but I feel like telling them I’ll do a courthouse wedding and my FI and I will pay on our own (which would still be a stretch for us because we have visas and moving costs).
TL;DR: I’ve always wanted small, intimate wedding. Mom wants to invite her whole huge crazy family and a bunch of unknowns on my dad’s side.
Advice? Encouragement? Comfort? Slap on the wrist?