(Closed) Now I understand wanting to scrap everything & just elope!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Would they settle for you having your intimate courthouse wedding but then having a large reception that you could invite everyone to? You would still have to see everyone, but in a large reception hall full of people it is a lot easier to avoid some! lol. And then you still get your special moment with only those who you want present.

 

ETA: I scraped everything. My parents kept talking big huge wedding with people I havent seen in 5-10 years and all these family members I dont really know. So I had to take charge and say no. It is my day and I wont spend it catering to others. We will be semi-eloping, and I couldnt be happier with how much I DONT have to plan! 🙂 Just remember, the day is about you, and your marriage.

Post # 4
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had the same issue (mom is 1 or 12, FH parents are both from large families of 7-11 siblings each). I am also the only daughter, BUT FH and I are paying for most, so I get a little more wiggle room there. Anyway, she aggrees with my decision. I am doing a small, intimate private ceremony. I rented a beautiful location to do it in so I dont feel like im missing out. Then I am inviting extended family and friends to a reception. I really dont want a ballroom reception, so as of now we are doing it in my moms backyard. It still has challenges and we are still not in complete agreement on the guest list, but we are close, and the part that matters to me (the ceremony) is how I always wanted it. 

Post # 6
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@bowsergirl:  I would talk to them and just explain all of the reasons why you want a small ceremony. I went to my mom in tears one night and told her that I thought we were losing the true meaning of the day and that I felt lost in all of the plans. I wanted the day to be a celebration of us and our commitment to each other, and that I didnt care if we were married in a courthouse on a thursday, I am just thrilled to be married to him. But if they wanted to throw a party( and pay for a party) for 100+ people that was fine, but I didn’t want my wedding to be that big. We finally all decided that we were just going to do something small, in a church, with just whoever can make it, and then use the private dining room in a restaurant I work with for dinner and drinks afterwards. It took a while to finally get to that decision, so don’t be dissapointed if you tell them you want something small, and they try to insist on a big thing. After you explain yourself and they have some time to think on it and come up with their own ideas, you can eventually work it all out. At least that is how it worked for me. Good luck, and I hope your day ends up being perfect!

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 I had the same thing happen. So we decided on a destination wedding with our immediate family and my 2 best friends (18 people in total!) Then I will do a very casual picnic style reception back home for anyone and everyone.

 

Keep your small intimate wedding if that is what you truely want. Even keep your intimate lunch reception. Then a week/month later throw a big party for everyone else. It also could give you an oportunity to dress up again! 🙂

 

 

Post # 8
Member
12250 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I thought I was going to have serious problems when I told my extended family I was only inviting my parents/godparents/grandparents/close friends, but everyone was thrilled (except one aunt who told my mom she didn’t like me anyways! SERIOUSLY)
I’m thrilled to be having a small wedding. If that’s what you want, stay strong and just say no. Your parents already had their wedding, they don’t get yours, too!

My FSIL also got married this year, with a seven person wedding, so my FMIL and FFIL are throwing a HUGE party for their extended family in July to celebrate both of our small weddings. If your parents want a huge party that badly, they can throw it!

Post # 9
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@bowsergirl:  If you do intimate, it might be better to just limit it ot immediate family and close friends so that there is a clear cut line.  So yes, then no aunt because then you won’t hurt the other aunts’ feelings.

Or you could pay for it yourself, and just give your mom the invitation.  She doesn’t have to know about all the details and planning if you’re calling all the shots.

Or just elope and have a party later on with everyone, but make it casual.  People may side-eye you for that, beware, but hey I think the party is the best part personally.

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