Post # 1
My best friend is getting married in a few months and I could not be happier. She asked me to be her bridesmaid and she asked a friend to be her Maid/Matron of Honor which to be honest I was a little surprised but whatever, she was getting married and she wanted me to be in the wedding, YAY! Let’s fastforward a few months to present day. She has asked me to do EVERYTHING! I helped her pick her dress, her cake, her photographer, her venue, everything! I even planned (and paid for) her entire wedding shower. Her Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t even show up! What topped everything off was when she asked me if I’d planned the bachelorette party. Excuse me? My response “isn’t that a question you should ask your MOH”? My friend FREAKED out on me!!! She said that I was jealous and bitter that I wasn’t the Maid/Matron of Honor. What?!?!?! I have been her #1 fan despite her dare I say, Bridezilla ways…Ugh I am just so frustrated that she would actually say that, and ya know what? NOW I’m bitter and angry that I’m not the Maid/Matron of Honor b/c if I was apparently I wouldn’t have had to do anything! Am I wrong in wanting maybe a little appreciation?? I know I’m not the bride in this situation but seriously, am I missing something???
Post # 3
Wow! I think it was a little overboard that she freaked out at you! I can’t believe her Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t even show up to her shower! Maybe she doesn’t realize just how much YOU have done, but I don’t get WHY she asked you if you planned the bachelorette party except maybe she Totally doesn’t expect the Maid/Matron of Honor to do it, but wow! I can understand how you must feel, but I’d say-just be the bigger person, you know how much you have done and she probably really is appreciative, maybe she’s just overstressed? Good on you. I know a lot of women @ WB would have loved to have you for their support!:)
Post # 4
I would for sure skip planning her bachelorette. It’s too much for you to plan all the events and not even have the position of Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding. She’s being ungrateful.
Post # 5
Wow so sorry she flipped on you. Thats just so wrong. You have every right to be bitter. I would sit her down and talk to her when she calms her a** down.
Post # 6
Do not plan this bachelorette party. That is the MOH’s responsibility. You have already gone above and beyond what a Bridesmaid or Best Man needs to do. You are not missing something. The bride is way out of line here.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t plan her bachelorette either. Especially if she’s going to explode on you.
Maybe she asked you to help out with all those things since you are planning as well? Is her Maid/Matron of Honor married or engaged? Maybe she just trusted your judgement more but feels closer to her Maid/Matron of Honor.
Or maybe like many bees have posted about – she chose her Maid/Matron of Honor and didn’t realize that she was a slacker and can’t ask her to step down so now she’s stressed and freaked out on you because you were around (proximity).
I’d give her a chance to come around – but if she’s still acting like a jerk, then just forget it, do only what you absolutely have to for her wedding.
Post # 8
Wow. i would make a list of everyting that you have dnoe for her, and tell her that you feel that it is not about jealousy…and that you can’t keep doing all this by yourself.
Is her Maid/Matron of Honor out of town- is that why she couldn’t come to the shower?
Post # 9
I agree.. let your friend know that with planning the shower and all the other things you’ve done that you just won’t be able to take the lead on planning the b-party as well. Tell her you would be happy to help the Maid/Matron of Honor but you can’t be in charge of planning. If it doesn’t happen because the Maid/Matron of Honor (or any of the other bridesmaids if there are any) doesn’t pull through… that’s not your responsibility.. you have gone above and beyond already. And no bride should ask people to throw parties for them!
Post # 10
Wow, I’m mad for you. Is it unwise advice to tell you you should tell her off, right back??? Well I think it’s terible she asked you to plan a bach party in the first place. (I just think those are not automatic these days.) Then went off on you? She doesn’t deserve a bach party.
Post # 11
Ugh, I’m in a kind of similar position. A good friend of mine is getting married this summer, and she didn’t ask me to be in the Wedding Party, which was fine. She has a lot of sisters and friends she’s known since like high school, and we’ve only been friends for a few years.
I’m a wedding vendor, and she asked for my help, which I was truly happy to do. Well, she totally started taking advantage of me and actually started kind of demanding things from me that, hello, brides typically pay me a good amount of money to do. Like I said, I’m happy to do it to a certain extend, but in the end, and after a tearful cry to my husband, I decided enough was enough. I called the bride and explained that this is what I could do for her, and this is what I couldn’t. She understood, and in the end, she was just tired and stressed and overly emotional.
I was also getting bitter because her BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor were doing NOTHING. Not that it’s their job (I’m totally against giving BMs “duties”), but it definitely wasn’t my job, either.
I highly suggest you sit down and have a chat with the bride. If you’re calm and cool about it, she’s GOT to understand. If not, well, then you know what kind of friend she really is.
Post # 12
Thanks for the support! Let’s me know I’m not the only one who thinks shes being crazy!
@Camrie I wasn’t engaged at the time she asked. But I can totally see her frustration with her Maid/Matron of Honor. Her Maid/Matron of Honor is single, she is a nurse which I know can be stressful, but she only works 3 days a week. I think she was expecting her to do more which I also think is why I picked up the slack on things b/c I felt bad for her.
@menobride, The Maid/Matron of Honor had gone out the night before and overslept…the shower was on a Sunday at 1:00
Post # 13
here is my situation> i picked my wedding party and my moh ended up doing nothing!! six weeks before the wedding, i demoted her and made one of my bm’s(who had done everything with and for me) my moh… she deserved it, and maybe your bride will do the same, i mean really the moh is suppposed to plan all the stuff, so consider yourself a great friend and don’t plan the bachelorette party if you feel like she isn’t appreciating you
Post # 14
Well then you’re not being crazy. I’d give her some space and only help out on the things she specifically asks you to help with if you have the time, unless she apologizes. It’s big no-no in my book to help people who are ungrateful.
Maybe her Maid/Matron of Honor is one of those crazy people who acted all helpful in the beginning and is now slacking off and not being helpful and being mean. Who knows? Or maybe she knew the bride was going to be super demanding and made herself scarce so she wouldn’t have to go thru what you’re going thru.
Post # 15
im with camrie on this one – im thinking she picked her Maid/Matron of Honor thinking she would be more supportive and helpful and shes not being – im thinking she probably is super annoyed that Maid/Matron of Honor is not doing stuff that she thinks an Maid/Matron of Honor would do and it was probably the “last straw” when she was hoping you would pick up the slack and you said its the Maid/Matron of Honor job.
i can see how you got annoyed as well.
i would cut her some slack in that we all know how stressful and delicate things like this are, and you dont know what factors were involved in choosing who is who for the bridal party….. In My Humble Opinion.
Post # 16
Honestly, I don’t feel like you should cut her any slack. Yes… there is a lot of stress involved with planning a wedding. Maybe Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t doing what she’s supposed to do. But to lash out on you after all of the work you’ve done… demanding MORE out of you is just ridiculous and uncalled for. You have every right to have your feelings hurt.
In no way would I EVER treat anyone in my bridal party like that no matter how stressed out I was. That’s not a valid excuse. She’s needs to put her big girl pants on and extend an appology to you first before you continue on. If I were you I definitely wouldn’t plan her bachelorette party.