Now my grandfather might not come. Long emotional family..

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think your family is being a little selfish… not your sisters, as I see they both have important stuff going on, but your mum and your grandad do seem to be very unsupportive, especially as you are doing this wedding mainly so that they can be involved. You’re spending extra money so that your family won’t miss out, despite initially wanting a quiet simple elopement. And you’re putting your sisters needs before your own (as a good sister would). I think that’s pretty selfless really. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Do you have any idea where your grandfather’s attitude stems from? Has there been a falling out or something? I only ask because his behaviour seems more than a bit odd…

You could always try just talking it out with him, and not letting him change the subject. Tell him explicitly that his behaviour and attitude is hurting your feelings, let him know that part of the reason for the public wedding was for his benefit, and let him know that you want to repair your relationship together. If he says no, or is still unresponsive, then at least you can say you tried I guess…

I hope it gets better for you, I really really do! 

Post # 5
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@BriansBride:  I’m sorry you’re going through this, OP. It sounds like there’s a lot of crap going on.

It’s possible that you may remind your grandfather of something/someone that he didn’t have a good experience with, and that his cold shoulder has nothing to do with you. Have you tried talking to your mother about what the deal is with Grandpa? Can you have your mother try and convince Grandpa to come?

You’re doing a wonderful job at putting together a nice family event, and especially being a caring sister. 

Things in a wedding aren’t always going to be ideal, and maybe if Grandpa is being stubborn, it might be best to not have to deal with snide comments or anything of the sort on your wedding day. 

Perhaps a blessing in disguise?

I’m sorry your feelings are hurt.

Post # 7
Member
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@BriansBride:  He sounds depressed. Which is common for the elderly, especially when everyone they love, and their friends starts dying. Men especially do not want to admit they’re depressed, and instead of getting medicated, they just become angry old men.

It’s not selfish for you to want your wedding day to be a happy day! I think that’s a realistic expectation. 

Your wedding is about you and your FI, and it sounds like other people are starting to really meddle with what you want for a wedding. Just remember that and start sticking to your guns of what YOU want. Mom’s pissed about pink flowers on your wedding cake, and thinks they’re too little-girlish? Too damn bad. They’re the pink flowers you want.

You are creating your family with this day. It is you and your FI’s day. No one elses. 

Post # 8
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BriansBride:  My dad and I had a similar relationship to you and your grandfather for a while. I was always a daddy’s girl, until my mum died in 2007. Suddenly, my dad’s attitude changed completely. He became bitter and resentful and very judgemental about all my life choices. After a while I realised it’s because I look just like my mum when she was young, I even sound like her. I think it was just too hard for him being reminded of her all the time. In the end, my brother called my dad and told him that he couldn’t keep punishing me for his grief, as it’s not my fault. Slowly, we began to build bridges again and now we have a much better relationship than we did, if not quite yet the same one we had before. Possibly you remind your grandfather of one of the people who passed away, or possibly your youth and vigour reminds him of their mortality. But do work on your relationship with him, it will get better! And I’m sure whatever happens, your wedding will be a happy day. If anything, it might be just what your family needs to lift their spirits. What could possibly be better at such a dark time, than an event of such joy? 

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