(Closed) now that the marriage is over, what about the gifts?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think your family will understand.  If I had a family member in your shoes, I’d just want you to make sure that you got to keep the present I sent you, rather than letting your soon-to-be ex have it.  

Post # 4
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sure that people will be more worried about your well being and not getting thier gifts back. 

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wish you the best. I will pray for you and you family

 

Post # 5
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

I’m sorry to hear about the end of your marriage.  I, too, am going through a divorce after two, short years and wondered the same thing.  Upon doing some research, it sounds as if you keep all gifts if they were used.  However, if you have unused items, you may want to return them.  It’s up to you guys really.  

http://www.etiquettedaily.com/2012/02/all-cash-gifts-final/

 

And, I agree with the other ladies.  Your friends and family will be more concerned with your well-being than the gifts they had given you.  Hugs!

Post # 6
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@melisslp:  I am so sorry. I had no idea. I thought you guys were TTCing. I am so sorry!

Post # 7
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@MrsStrawberry24:  I know.  It’s really, really sad on so many levels.  I’m gradually sharing with people and starting to “out” myself here on WB.  Thanks for your kind words.  

Post # 8
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I’m so sorry about the situation with you and your husband. I’m sure you are going through a very painful and difficult time.  Like  @strawbabies:, I think most of your family will be distressed for you considering what you’re going through, and few, if any of your guests will be looking to receive their gifts back.

I always view Miss Manners as the standard for all-things etiquette in the U.S., and this is what she had to say about this in a 2007 column:

http://www.chron.com/life/article/Miss-Manners-Bride-can-keep-gifts-in-spite-of-1806529.php

From what she’s written, it’s clear that you are permitted to keep all of the gifts, but it sounds as if she also would be supportive of your desire to return the gifts that have not yet been used.

Post # 9
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@melisslp:  Please let me know if you need anything! I am so sorry. I know you have a strong faith in God so just know that He will bring you out of this!

Post # 10
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@melisslp:  I’m so very sorry to hear of your situation also.  I had no idea. 🙁  HUGS to you and to @nyscpa2be:.  

Post # 11
Member
5984 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1999

@MrsStrawberry24 & @Brielle:  You girls are great.  Thank you.  I’ll have to inbox you sometime.  Just don’t want to put all of my “dirty laundry” on the internet.  I do have faith in God and know that he will guide me to a happier and stronger place in life.  

Post # 12
Member
11353 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@melisslp:  You are more than welcome to PM me anytime. You’re one of the first bees I came to “know” when I joined WB, and I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.

Post # 13
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can keep all of the gifts since you went through with the wedding.  They are “wedding” gifts, not “marriage” gifts.  I would probably return the unused ones if I would have bad memories from them, but don’t make this harder on yourself than it has to be.

Post # 14
Member
1347 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

“You can keep all of the gifts since you went through with the wedding.  They are “wedding” gifts, not “marriage” gifts.  I would probably return the unused ones if I would have bad memories from them, but don’t make this harder on yourself than it has to be.”

^this.

Post # 15
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@melisslp:  I am so sorry to hear of your divorce! We haven’t talked a ton on the Bee, but I do remember chatting with you a little bit (also being from the StL area, and a teacher).

Post # 16
Member
10563 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

You were married in 2011?  Anything over a year and I don’t think anyone would even question it.  If it has been less than a year, if someone expects to paid back, they aren’t worth your time!

If it’s something you feel bad about, you could contact people, let them know your situation and offer to pay them for the presents when you are able to.

Your biggest priority right now should be taking care of yourself.  I wish you the best!

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