Now that we're engaged, scared to be a bad wife

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I haven’t been with my SO for 10 years….but I will say that on some days, you definitely will be a “bad wife” and that’s ok.  Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes.  All you can do is recover from those mistakes and learn from them.  Some days he will be a “bad husband” and he’ll need your forgiveness and encouragement to understand that he isn’t a failure who should just give up, he’s an imperfect person who just needs another chance.  You’ll learn and grow and teach each other how to be good spouses.   

Post # 3
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honey, this is 2014, not 1814. You don’t have to be a “good wife”. Instead, you need to be comfortable in your relationship (which after 18 years I guess you must be) and happy to get married and be yourself in that marriage.

My DH and I had been together for 18 years when we married. At which point the idea of whether or not I would be a “good wife” never crossed my mind! Marriage has been just like all our years living together with the addition of a certain joyful “something”. 

Post # 4
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Isilme:  I am a crappy wife by many people’s definitions. I let DH do the cooking, I am not neat, I hang out with male friends, play games on my computer, wouldn’t want kids even if I was younger, I let my job interfere with my personal life although I try hard not to, etc). DH seems happy (he was forewarned), he thinks I am a great wife. So who decides what makes a good wife anyway?

Post # 5
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

We had been together for 13 years when we got married and I hear what you’re saying… after that long, there are certain negative patterns engrained and you take each other for granted sometimes.  For me, I wrote in my vows that I promise to be the best wife I possibly can – and when I’m being snappy or grouchy for no good reason except that it’s the 10,000th time he’s done the same thing that annoys me… I think about my vows and try to be more patient and loving. 

So yes, I agree that when you’re legally bound for life, it does raise the stakes a little bit and you need to continually put forth the effort to be the kind of partner that your husband deserves.

And obviously, he needs to do the same thing!  This is the 21st century and both partners should strive to treat the other with as much respect and love as possible.

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

First off, congratulations!! Secondly, I think it’s endearing that you’re worried about being a good wife. If you all have been together for 18 years, I think you’ve proven yourself already to be a good woman and partner. You’re already the partner he wants in life, so I wouldn’t worry about whether or not the title of ‘wife’ will change that. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Are you in a good relationship? Then you’re being a good PARTNER. The title of WIFE doesn’t mean that your role as a partner changes at all.

Post # 8
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

yeah you have nothing to worry about. you have been together that long he knows all your flaws and all the things he loves about you. i cant imagine you changing THAT MUCH after you get married to be considered a “bad wife”

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