Post # 1
F and I have been together since 1996, and those familiar with my story from my posts since about 2010 know more than I care to type, but we are in a good place together, and he propsosed last Wednesday on a walk in our local park. He made a comment after, as we continued our walk, that he said he hoped he’d be a good husband.
While I guess I’ve assumed I’d be an okay wife, and I’ve discounted the idea things would change after he proposed and we actually started talking about getting married in more practcal terms. I got scared, now, even though we’ve been together in a man-and-wife fashion for about 18 years, that really, was I going to make a good wife? I don’t know if this is normal to worry, especially after such a long time together, when you finally move on to being engaged and alter married. I feel like there’s now an even grreater aspect to consider in all things in our life, and wanted to ask if others felt this way – especially people who’d been together for close to a decade at least before getting engaged/married.
Post # 2
I haven’t been with my SO for 10 years….but I will say that on some days, you definitely will be a “bad wife” and that’s ok. Nobody is perfect, everybody makes mistakes. All you can do is recover from those mistakes and learn from them. Some days he will be a “bad husband” and he’ll need your forgiveness and encouragement to understand that he isn’t a failure who should just give up, he’s an imperfect person who just needs another chance. You’ll learn and grow and teach each other how to be good spouses.
Post # 3
Honey, this is 2014, not 1814. You don’t have to be a “good wife”. Instead, you need to be comfortable in your relationship (which after 18 years I guess you must be) and happy to get married and be yourself in that marriage.
My DH and I had been together for 18 years when we married. At which point the idea of whether or not I would be a “good wife” never crossed my mind! Marriage has been just like all our years living together with the addition of a certain joyful “something”.
Post # 4
Isilme: I am a crappy wife by many people’s definitions. I let DH do the cooking, I am not neat, I hang out with male friends, play games on my computer, wouldn’t want kids even if I was younger, I let my job interfere with my personal life although I try hard not to, etc). DH seems happy (he was forewarned), he thinks I am a great wife. So who decides what makes a good wife anyway?
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We had been together for 13 years when we got married and I hear what you’re saying… after that long, there are certain negative patterns engrained and you take each other for granted sometimes. For me, I wrote in my vows that I promise to be the best wife I possibly can – and when I’m being snappy or grouchy for no good reason except that it’s the 10,000th time he’s done the same thing that annoys me… I think about my vows and try to be more patient and loving.
So yes, I agree that when you’re legally bound for life, it does raise the stakes a little bit and you need to continually put forth the effort to be the kind of partner that your husband deserves.
And obviously, he needs to do the same thing! This is the 21st century and both partners should strive to treat the other with as much respect and love as possible.
Post # 6
First off, congratulations!! Secondly, I think it’s endearing that you’re worried about being a good wife. If you all have been together for 18 years, I think you’ve proven yourself already to be a good woman and partner. You’re already the partner he wants in life, so I wouldn’t worry about whether or not the title of ‘wife’ will change that. 🙂
Post # 7
Are you in a good relationship? Then you’re being a good PARTNER. The title of WIFE doesn’t mean that your role as a partner changes at all.
Post # 8
yeah you have nothing to worry about. you have been together that long he knows all your flaws and all the things he loves about you. i cant imagine you changing THAT MUCH after you get married to be considered a “bad wife”