Post # 1
First of all, thanks you ladies so much for helping us in these last few weeks. No way I could have done this sanely without you.
Back story: We were planning a wedding for 75 and then his parents invited 100+ people, not including my family’s guest list. Then his parents backed out of helping us financially. Now we are planning a 30 person wedding we can afford and pay for by ourselves.
We had planned for the 75 person wedding and asked 7 people total to be in the party (bridesmaids/groomsmen.) They havent purchased dresses/tuxes yet. Now, I’m not sure if we can even invite them. I think we *might* be able to push the number up to 35 guests and still keep them as bridesmaids/groomsmen but then I feel completely rude to tell them that they cant bring their significant other to the dinner afterwards. AND they would be traveling 10 hours to get here. If we let them bring their SO, that would mean HALF of our guests at our reception were bridesmaids/groomsmen and their significant others. I would have to cut some family members who we desperately want to be there in order for them and their SO to come. I have already asked them to be in my wedding and they are so excited for it… ugh.
I just don’t know what to do here at all. I want them to be there and I don’t want to hurt their feelings but at the same time, its more important for us to have our closest relatives there instead of their significant others (even if it means they cant come.) What do I do, I’m so lost and I don’t want to hurt feelings here. This sucks.
Post # 4
I think your best bet would be to contact them ASAP and say, “we’ve had to revise our plans a whole lot due to some unforeseen circumstances, and we’ll be having a much smaller wedding than we originally planned. Unfortunately, one of the things we had to cut out was the bridal party. We wanted to make sure you knew you don’t have to spend your money on the dress/tux and the trip.”
They might still want to come, of course, and so you’ll need to have a response for if they ask whether they’re still invited. And I think anyone who wants to make a 10-hour trip to celebrate with you should be accommodated, along with their spouse, but that’s up to you two.
Post # 5
I would either cut the bridal party totally (as in have no bridal party) and just have a family only wedding (so no inviting anyone other than family) or find a way to host your guests and the SO’s of the bridal party.
I guess the big question is aren’t these people (the BP) your closests friends? Why wouldn’t you want them at your wedding? Or did you just want 7 BM’s and just picked 7 people to fill spots?
Post # 6
@j_jaye: Yes, they are my closest friends, but now that we can only invite ~30 people, there is no possible way we can have 7 of those 30 being boyfriends or FHs that I dont really know. I’m positive we can make room for the 7 in the party, but not their SOs. I dont even know their significant others since I moved away before they got in these relationships. I’ve kept in close contact with these friends through phone but still have never met their partners. I just cant imagine telling my great aunt that she cant come because my very good friend’s fiance (that I dont know) has to be there. I’m so torn!
Post # 7
@sheepandbear: You know them best so would know how they might react but how would you feel if they excluded your FI from their big day? And don’t think about from your stressed out bride perspective but from the perspective of an everyday guest.
I guess it also depends on the future relationships- do you want a furture relationship with your friends and their SO’s or just your friends? And how would they feel about it? It would be pretty awkward to be invited to their wedding next month or year and they include your partner. Obviously these are long term SO’s because your wedding is still awhile off.
Post # 8
In my mind, if they were close enough for you to ask them to be in your wedding party, they should be considered close enough to invite to the wedding. Unfortunately, that includes their SO’s. I feel for you, but as a PP stated, do you want to keep a friendship with these people in the future?
Post # 9
I would look for a cheaper option so I could have the people I want there without breaking the bank. Is there any other option for you?
Post # 10
If I were you I would talk to the one I was closest to in the bridal party and explain everything that happened. That person might have an idea to help or might be able to tell you it’s okay to cut the bridal party and maybe help you tell the others in a way that wont hurt thier feelings.
Post # 11
Yikes! What a crappy situation! Unfortunately, if you invite your friends you really need to invite their SO’s – even if you don’t know them. It would be very rude not to, especially since they are over 10 hours away. Given that, I think you have 2 options.
Option 1: Stick to familiy only. Your friends will be bummed, but they will definitely understand if you decide to have a small, family only wedding.
Option 2: Find a way to invite the SOs. The WeddingBee is an AMAZING resource and the ladies here will definitely be able to help you find ways to save money. If you let us know your plans, we can help you find a way to include everyone.
Post # 12
Well, right now we have had to cancel our reception (grand hall, caterer and dj.) We are still having the ceremony in the garden since it is paid for in full (we can have as many attend the ceremony as we want.) Then, we are thinking about going to a restaurant (that isnt something like chilis or applebees,) so we are estimating $35 a person which ends up around $1000 on the higher end. If we push the number up to 40 people, it doesnt add too much money so it would be maybe $1300. The thing I’m worried about is finding a nicer restaurant that will have room for us and be able to serve us.
I spoke to my mom last night and either way, after the wedding, we are going back to my hometown to throw a massive bbq at my parents house for ALL of the relatives that wouldnt have been able to make it to the wedding to begin with. This doesnt really help the situation though.