Post # 1
FI and I have been engaged since Feb 3rd so about 6 months ago. But we live 500 miles away from all our family and friends – plus we have very limited money and FI has limited vacation days so its hard to just say hey lets drive up to NJ this weekend.
There was a slight mention of some type of “small party” for us about a month later when we were coming up to NJ for my sisters wedding but that weekend was WAY too busy for that – besides it was my sisters weekend. 4 months went by and crickets about anything like an “engagement party” or wedding related at all and i was upset. I would have planned my own but i heard how incredibly rude that was. So i just sucked it up and settled into the fact that no one really cared that we were getting married.
About a month ago FI’s mom mentioned us coming up for labor day weekend for a party so they could meet my Family. (Its been 4 years and the families have never met.) I just figured the two families and some friends maybe – nothing super huge. Fi figured no one but the parents. Now its a week away and they are talking like big party to me all of a sudden – like invitations? and inviting family from out of state? family friends and all that? and i was supposed to register? like where did this come from! and where was this 5 months ago?!
Labor day has turned into Columbus day -Our wedding is 9 months away – by columbus day it will be 8 months.
Theres still a shower somewhere in there. I guess that’ll be like 3-4 months beforehand.
We will have been engaged for 8 months by then – it just seems rude and stupid to even bother having an engagement party. But I have always wanted one i just wanted one 5 months ago and my wedding wasnt even a thought in their minds then. IDK what to do- thoughts?!
I’m not registering or asking for gifts…. if they WANT to they can.
Post # 3
They’re throwing you the party. If you don’t want to register, say that you’re registering for the shower only and you haven’t had time to, yet. Just let them throw the party for you, it’s not rude on your part to not show up and you finally get the party you wanted!
Post # 4
Due to some family circumstances we had our Engagement party 7 months after we got engaged and only 5 months before the wedding. Yes the timing was odd but most people were aware of the circumstances and enjoyed a reason to party and catch up with mates.
We don’t register here for engagements (we didn’t even register for the wedding but ours was a very small wedding) but I think in this circumstance too (being 6 months after) you shouldn’t register, people who want to get you a gift will anyway 🙂
Post # 5
We didn’t have an engagement party and it never once crossed my mind that no one “ no one really cared that we were getting married“.
Now, to your question, why the hell not?! Party it up, lady!! I don’t believe you are supposed to have a registry for an engagement party, but I’m no expert. Your shower will be closer to 1-2 months before the wedding, so plenty of time there!
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Why not? If they want to throw you a party, let them. Many people have engagement parties when they start planning the wedding, not when they get engaged, and 8-9 months out is a pretty reasonable window for that.
PS, showers are usually more like 2, maybe 3, months before a wedding, not 3 or 4.
Post # 7
I say go for it!
My fiancees family threw us a very small, very secret party with gifts – on a day we had planned to visit anyway 🙂 Was unexpected, nice, but not needed.
My own family has done nothing – and that is just fine with me as well 🙂 Like WhiteWedding said, I haven’t felt like no one cared about our wedding.
It could just be that engagement parties aren’t a big thing here.
Post # 8
Go for it… it’s still far enough away from the wedding and since you always wanted one, you finally get one. And they want to plan it so no hassle of stress on your end.
I would not register though… leave that for the shower and wedding (no one registers for engagements in my circle or family so it is not the norm). But a nice gathering to celebrate your engagement is so nice. And a nice way to kick off the future pre-wedding ceremonies.
Just a side note: in fi’s family it’s tradional for the groom to ‘serenade’ the bride. it’s a surprise usually and the groom gets a trio or mariachi and there is music and dancing. I am so excited for this (although I don’t want it to be a surprise) and it typically happens a week or so before the wedding.
Post # 9
We are getting married this October and just had our engagement party late-July. The host and hostess offered to throw us one right after we got engaged in July 2011, but life happens… so many different things came up and we finally got around to it.
Everyone had a great time and it was a lot of fun. It’s just another reason to get everyone together to celebrate – and who doesn’t love that?
Post # 10
As far as I know… there is no time expiration on Annoucing one’s Engagement or an Engagement Party… (confirmed also by the Emily Post Institute)… as long as it happens BEFORE the actual Wedding Invites are sent.
So I personally, think you are over-reacting to your Family having such an Event for you… and I gotta wonder if you aren’t less worried about the passage of time, than the fact that you seem miffed that nothing was done closer to when you got engaged, during the same timeframe as your Sister’s Wedding Weekend (afterall you brought that up in your posting)
Honestly, as a Parent myself, I can see where the logistics have been an issue… your Sister’s Wedding… AND the fact that you and your Fiance live a good distance from Family & Friends (500 Miles you said)
I think it sweet, that your Parents are making your Engagement a priority now (vs stacking it onto your Sister’s Wedding). It shows me that they are actually trying to be considerate and fair to both of you, IMO
And give you an Event that is worthy of the appropriate attention etc. Honestly, I think you need to be more grateful… especially as I know there are lots of Brides-2-B here on WBee WHO WISH their Parents would have made such an effort to mark their BIG NEWS and make such a significant show of Welcome to their Fiance, and happiness at the upcoming Wedding (can’t tell you how many Bees post that they are saddened that their families aren’t happy with them when they get engaged)
So I think you need to be grateful… and go with the flow
Obviously, doing something BIG for Labour Day on short-notice has probably been a hassle (getting out the Invites, and making sure that there is a good turn-out). Naturally then Columbus Day seems to be an easier choice… from a logistics POV
IMO from where I sit, it looks like probably most of 2011, and part of 2012 was for your Sister and getting ready for her Wedding … and the remainder of 2012 and most of 2013 will be YOUR time. You should consider yourself lucky to have such an attentive & welcoming family.
This is going to be a great year for you… take it in stride… and enjoy the ride.
Post # 11
Hey, another NJ>NC transplant! We actually just did our engagement party (4 1/2 months later) last weekend!
Post # 12
We transplanted to NC too! My FI is from NJ (I’m from Cali) and his parents just recently offered to throw us an engagement party in the beginning of Nov (wedding is April 2013), and while it irritates me that it took them so long to offer, it’s still a nice gesture. You don’t have to register for gifts, but if they want your guests can bring gifts, or maybe offer to help with some part of your wedding. Best of luck and just enjoy yourself. Hey, it’s still a free party in your honor.